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Blended Families
+just+j+
member
Well whatdoyaknow.....
+just+j+
member
So H came back today. Slept a couple of hours, got on his playstation, and an hour into DD's nap, got came in and got into an argument with me because I refused to just give him the sofa and entertainment center when he moves this week.
Uh. Yeah right Bubba. How about you pay me for them, or trade me some of the expensive equipment I paid for, but you got in the agreement?
He starts in on me about how I'm getting the better end of the deal and I immediately just say, "You know what? F-ing take it. I don't care. Take whatever you want when you leave. I. DON'T. CARE. Just get out."
He then starts in on how everybody he's talked to says what I've put in the agreement is unfair and ridiculous and how I'm screwing him. I can only take so much and tell him if he has issues, please just quit harassing me about it at least counter with what he thinks is acceptable. Until then, I don't want to discuss it. He doesn't quit. So I sit and listen to him tell me how he's talked to his lawyer (come to find out he read parts of the agreement over the phone to a lawyer friend who is not a divorce attorney.) and proceeds to tell me how my lawyer is playing me, and is out to screw him, yada, yada,yada, how he and everyone else H has talked to thinks I have someone on the side and that's why I'm divorcing him.
That's when I lose it. I say, "You know, I don't have anyone on the side, but if I did, I don't know why you care. I'm sure that would make your girlfriend relieved know I'm no longer sleeping with you or interested in this saving this marriage." And that's when he gives himself away. He gets mad and says, "What do you know about THAT??"
I just smile slowly. A little surprised, and a little amused. I say, "Well, that was just a smart ass remark to give you a taste of your own medicine. You accuse me, I just blindly bluffed you. I knew you'd move on quickly, but I didn't think you would this quickly."
He then kind of stutters and stumbles over his words, denies he has a girlfriend. I say, "Fuckbuddy. One Night Stand. Girlfriend. Whatever. You got or had something. It's okay. I don't care."
He says, "Well you put me in this position."
I just look at him like he's nuts and shake my head.
He goes into one of his long lectures about how we need to get along for DD's sake. He starts to get on me about the agreement and I tell him, "Look. If you don't like something in there - then list out what you want changed and what you'd like it to be changed to. If we can't agree, a judge decides. I'm trying to work with you - not screw you as you imply - so talk to your lawyer friend. Have him talk to my lawyer. Other than that, I don't want to discuss it."
He rambles on. I let him talk. He then says, "Look. I'm willing to sign right now if we can go over the agreement together now and discuss it." I say, "Really?" He says, "Really." So I get out my copy and read it to him and we discuss it.
He is not changing a damn thing. Including SS and SD, his mom and other family members not having unsupervised visitation. All of it.
Seriously? After bitching at me and telling me how everyone thinks I'm f*cking you over? Now all of a sudden it's okay to you?
WTF??
So I'm running to my lawyer first thing and I'm moving on it fast before he flipping changes his mind.
"he offered her the world. she said she had her own" - poet Monique Duval
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Well whatdoyaknow.....
I'm sorry. I can't quit chuckling and shaking my head over being accused of having someone on the side and our seperation just hit the courthouse and he's got some new piece of ass on the side.
Lady. whoever you are...I hope you are a hell of a lot smarter than me, and tighter on your bank account than I ever was.
Detatch, detatch, detatch. What your stbX does is no longer your problem or your business as long as he doesn't bring anyone around your LO.
You are too emotionally invested in him right now. You need to stop caring what he does.
Paperwork is being revised. I was doing a legal seperation first, because he gave me every indication he wanted to wait on the divorce, and I didn't want to be tied financially to him. My lawyer is changing the paperwork to divorce proceedings, which I could have as soon as today. I am then going to set up a time in front of a notary to get it signed this week before he leaves.
I checked phone records when I got to work. He's known her for about a month, my guess is he met her the previous week he was gone and this past week he made several calls that lasted for sometime in the same pattern that he used to call me when we were dating. I noticed he called her right after I left for work today. So this is not someone temporary. He likes her enough to contact her pretty regularly.
It's odd to feel no jealousy. I'm just annoyed over the double standard. It makes things easier tho. maybe that's why he's all of a sudden in a hurry to move on now. She may be telling him "No thanks" until the divorce is filed. Good luck lady. It won't make anything better for you.
The other big joke is apparently some of his deadbeat friends think he can get away with only paying $50. Who does this?? I guess a couple of them do and it is their belief that I make good money, therefore I am set and don't need his assistance - especially since he's unemployed, it's unfair to ask him to pay $250/month. Yeah. Unfair. To our child. You get to be Disney dad EOW, buy her toys, presents and McDonalds and that's enough for you to spend I guess. Meanwhile, I buy the clothes, groceries, run her to her activities, daycare....yeah. It's SO unfair.
Dead. Beats.
H however says he has no problem paying the $250 and says he'll spend much more on her when he has her. Oh. Okay.
There's other crap he rattled on about that got my blood boiling, but I shut my yap, made note, and I am just happy I got what I wanted.
Suebear - I don't care. Well, okay, I do a little in that he is falsely accusing me. And I made the claim off handedly, just to be a smartass. I wasn't expecting him to react the way he did.
He came to me and started the conversation. When I figured out he was wanting to file for the divorce and not wait any longer, I jumped on it and got the verbal agreement I needed to keep this divorce moving a little faster than I was expecting.
When he's home...I am stressed and he shoves all this crap at me and plays his mind games to either make me feel guilt or feel like crap. I can only do so much.I've gotten to a point I just sit and listen, let him rattle on and I respond and react so much less than I used to. It's the same old crap over and over anyway. When he's not here, I feel so much pressure off of me and I know I will have no problem leaving that behind. When he's moved out this week, I will finally really feel free and start moving on with my life.