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Date night / alone time

annette&gordonannette&gordon
in Working Moms

I always feel guilty wanting a date night or alone time on the weekends, when I'm away from ds all week at work. ?It seems like I should be spending all my weekend time with ds....but I know we need some couple time and non-baby time that is not spent at work, right?

We've probably had 5-6 weekend date nights/couple activites since ds was born 9 months ago where we had a babysitter (SIL).?

We have 1/2 season Vikings football tickets, but sold nearly all our games because it's nearly an all-day event from getting there, the game, traffic, etc. and we didn't want to be away from ds so long when we hardly get to see him during the week (probably a total of 4 hours a day - 1 in the AM and 3 in the PM). ?We've really missed going to the games this year.

How do others handle this "guilt"??

?

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Re: Date night / alone time

  • madhatter2003madhatter2003

    A strong marriage is one of the best gifts you can give your child. Couple time is key to a strong marriage.

    There's your mantra for when the guilt starts to creep in. My pedi actually told us at one of my DD's early check-ups that we needed to get out more and be husband and wife as well as mom and dad.  He's a smart guy. 

    My two PCOS miracles! Lilypie Kids Birthday tickersLilypie Kids Birthday tickers
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  • amandaredamandared
    I have a real hard time handling it.  I think when I am off work for the holidays, I am going to try real hard to get a date or "adult" night.  My child is 5 months old, and have not had a date or adult night yet.  We planed for one last weekend, but I ended up sick..   Margaritas and mexican food did not sound great after a migrain and vomit all morn:(  I am glad to know that other people go threough the same thing.  I even feel guilty about doing household chores in the evening, I feel I should be with dd.  But it has to get done.  and I am in the same boat you are in.  I see her 1 1/2 hour in morn. and 2 1/2 hours in the the evening.  I do look at it like this, when me and my dh are happy, she is happier!  GL with the guilt, and if you find a way to handle it, besides quiting your job, LET ME KNOW!
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  • mrsnewlywed2005mrsnewlywed2005

    i agree w/ other posters that it's imp to have date nights, but i'm with you on this one.  we haven't gone out alone in ages.  :(

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  • madhatter2003madhatter2003
    I will say it's a lot easier now she is older. She goes to bed at 7:30 and sleeps until morning. A lot of times we have the babysitter arrive at 8, go out for a late dinner, and DD never even knows we are gone.
    My two PCOS miracles! Lilypie Kids Birthday tickersLilypie Kids Birthday tickers
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  • annette&gordonannette&gordon
    Yes, that's true, ds is usually sleeping by 8pm. ?The problem is, we are so tired that we just want to go to bed after dinner and a little TV time! ?We're sad...
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  • shouldbeworkinshouldbeworkin

    I have no qualms about going out on a Sat night close to bedtime.  I've already spent the whole day with them, so I don't feel guilty about it.  But, usually I'm too tired, so we've been going out for an hour or so on Monday nights for a quick bite.  Again, I don't feel bad b/c I've been with them all weekend and I'm not too tired for a whole week of working yet.  Sometimes we have dates at home if we can't get out.  We usually eat after the kids are in bed and watch a movie. 

    The best thing we've done for our marriage is to sit down and talk to each night.  Sounds like the simplest thing, but it has made SUCH a difference!

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  • duchess0727duchess0727
    I don't feel guilty - a happy marriage (and a happy mom) is very important to my son's welfare.  Happy parents have happy children.  Plus my husband is a divorce attorney so he sees firsthand what happens when couples don't spend any time focusing on their marriage.  We also tend to go out an hour or so before bedtime, so we end up spending most of the day with our son every weekend.  We have season tickets to our college football games and we have been to a few day games without our son and it was really nice to get out and socialize with friends and hang out.  We normally try to get my ILs to watch our son so he can get some quality grandparent time in, which we think is also very important!
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  • jlw2505jlw2505 member
    It is so hard.  DH and have also strugged with this.  Some of things that we have done is make weeknights no visitor nights other than special occasions so we get some good family time.  We do a week night at home date.  After the kids go to sleep, we watch a movie, play a game - whatever.  Just something so that we connect for an hour or two during the week.  On the weekends, we either go out on Saturday night or do another at home date.  We typically don't go out until 4 or 5 so we basically have spent the whole day with the girls other than dinner and bed time stuff.  My ILs typically baby sit so that gets us out of seeing them another day (my parents are not in town).
    Jenni Mom to DD#1 - 6-16-06 DD#2 - 3-13-08 
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  • jgeimanjgeiman
    Like other PPs mentioned, a strong marriage is one of the best gifts you can ever give your child.

    You need to do it for you & YH, but if it helps you to think of it in terms of how you're doing it for YS, then so be it.

    Good luck!
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