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Dads & Dads-to-be
Callipepla
member
A Question for Dads....
Callipepla
member
I am curious to know how old some of you dads are, and how you are handling a newborn/child.
Im in a relationship with a man 11 years older than me, and I love him dearly. We have been together for over 3 years now, but a fear of that age difference playing a role in the future nags at me sometimes. I worry about waiting until Im 30 or so to have a child, as he will be 41. Have you found any problems raising a young child as you got older? Am I worrying over nothing?
If you have any insight, I would greatly appreciate it.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: A Question for Dads....
Can't really offer much advice. I am 25 and my wife is 29.
I do have a friend who is 44 though he and just had his first kid with his wife. They are the same age though, so they are pretty much on the same page.
I would say the biggest thing you can do is communicate with him. See how he feels about having children at 41.
How old are you now? You said you have been together for 3 years but are considering waiting until you are 30. Also, are you guys married? Is that something you have spoken about? It seems like you may be putting the cart before the horse. I would sit down with him and have a serious discussion about the future since it is on your mind.
I am the old one around here, so I will offer my insights.
I am 40 and my son is just over two months right now. Now, I am in good shape, so that probably makes things a lot easier for me. There is not one thing that I am unable to handle because of my age, and I plan on playing sports and everything else with him when he gets to be that age. I already do all that stuff anyway.
My wife is 35. Besides suffering from the ocassional bout of sleep deprevation, she is also fine.
To be honest, I feel as if I am younger since Jacob was born. My energy level is much higher, and outside of always being tired because we have a two month old, we are still able to handle all the challenges that come with a baby.
I have a few uncles who had their last child when they were 40. I see them now, in their late 60's, children all grown up, and I see nothing but pride in their eyes.
Age is just a number....you learn that real quick when you have a baby in your arms!! Of course, as with anything good health is the key to success.
I didn't realize you were of such a finely aged piece of Wisconsin cheese!
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Apparently I'm #2 in line for oldest dad of the regulars, as I am about to turn 37 in just 2 short weeks. Had my first when I was 35 and there is a 6 1/2 year age difference between myself and my wife. I have loved being a dad. Every second of it... okay, maybe not EVERY second, some of those poopy diapers aren't much to love, but you get the idea. I'm not in the shape I'd love to be in, I'm not morbidly obese, but could stand to lose 20 lbs., but so far, with a nearly 2 year old son, my age, or physical shape, hasn't really played a factor in my role as a dad. We still go to the zoo at least once a month and I carry him a good chunk of the way (less now, but even when he wasn't walking, I'd always carry him... no stroller, and it is at least a good mile and a half of walking easy), I take him on neighborhood walks, we roughhouse on the floor... when he gets older, we will play catch in the backyard.
Age isn't necessarily the big thing... yes, if you have a child when he's 41, when your son/daughter graduates high school, he'll be 59, but physical condition plays just as big of a role as age does.
We have discussed children, and he is very much in favor of having children later. I am currently 22, he is 33. We are not married, but have discussed marriage in length. The reason I am feeling a bit cart-before-horse is because I want to accomplish a lot in college, and I don't want to be in school when I have a child. I know life doesnt always go as planned, but it would be preferable to have a stable job, good income, etc. before welcoming a child.
Youre right, age is just a number. Our age difference never bothers me in any other area. I think you hit the nail on the head though, in saying that even though you are an older father, you are in shape.
BF is in no way obese or on deaths door, but hes 33 and has high blood pressure, and suffers a lot of pain from a previous shoulder injury. I try and persuade him to do as the doctor prescribed and exercise more and eat healthier, but he definitely doesn't try as hard and his doctor would like.
Maybe Im a little worried because if he's having health problems at 33, what might happen when he's 40? or 50, with a child of 10? If he doesnt get serious about listening to his doctor, who knows what could happen? I know Im looking quite a ways in the future, but if we're seriously considering marriage, I guess im just wondering what other men had to say on the subject.
Thank you all for replying! It sounds like you all are awesome dads and are motivated to be the best dad you can regardless of age. Thanks for the great insight
I'm in the same boat as many others here. I turned 38 in August, so our baby will be born about a month before my 39th. It's my first baby, and I have been working on getting myself healthier ever since we started trying. There's not much that can motivate a man more than thinking he may not be able to get back up off the floor when he gets down to play with his kids. I want to be able to wrestle with them and play football with my kids. To do that at 50 isn't the easiest thing, so I am starting now! And my wife is 32, so we both have incentive to stay extra healthy.
Kelly
I also look at it from this perspective.
When I was in my 20's I was nowhere near as stable as I am now, in my 40's. While physical activity is important, and I have every intention of being there for my children that way, being able to provide for my son, and not have to worry about it paycheck to paycheck is a huge advantage that I can attribute to my age and where I am in my career.
My dad was 37 when I was born and 40 when my brother was born. He has always been great. Played with us a lot when we were young. Taught us things. Spent lots of quality time with us. I have a lot more memories of my dad playing with me than I do my mom, though she's 12 yrs younger than he. I think he was old enough to have a thorough understanding of how much he wanted kids & what it would require. From a kid's perspective, the drawback of having an older dad was that he didn't have the obvious boyishness of other dads (didn't wear blue jeans, didn't listen to pop music, etc). The benefits of having an older dad was that he was often more laid back & had better perspective on things, and he was perfectly capable of handling any sort of difficulty that arose with class and aplomb. As for health concerns, at 76 he can still outwork both his kids when it comes to a day of hard physical chores.
OK, I'm 42 (will be 43 when my first is born) and my wife is 31, and I'm concerned about the age thing. not so much about the difference between my wife and I but I'll be 61 when my kid graduates high school... I'll be sitting next to all of the grand parrents saying "thats my boy!"
I do have every intention of getting myself into shape, because no matter what I'll be there playing football/baseball/basketball with my boy, OR softball/cheering/gymnastics with my girl! (we dont know the sex yet) But DAMN... my back is trashed, i have a bad knee I'm a fat-ass, and i work 50+ hours a week; I have zero energy right now without trying to keep pace with an 8 year old or teen ager! I'm a little worried that I'll be able to be as active as i would like to be. I wish I could take back a little bit of that "6 foot tall and bullet proff" attitude that I had in my 20's!
I would say that if you are already thinking about how you will function when the kid(s) is a teen, you have won half of the battle.
Start to adjust your diet now. As well, walk up and down the stairs at work. Take a walk after work.
Most importantly, it really does not matter. WIth a newborn you will find yourself not eating as much and you will be walking a lot more while holding a baby that will be anywhere from 7-11 pounds right off the bat. Now that my boy is around 14 pounds, and gets carried everywhere if he is not sleeping or in his car seat, I am starting to notice muscles coming back to places on my body where they have not been for awhile. My wings, forearms, biceps, and neck muscles are all a little tighter than they were 3 months ago, and even though I am dog tired by 8pm every night, my energy level has not been this high since I was in college.
We have a treadmill in the house as well, so that helps keep the fat content down as well.