How do you discipline your toddler?

tch81 · November 2012

DD will be 2 this Sunday and I'm having a really hard time w/ discipline. Yesterday I tried a time out/naughty chair approach like on the show Super Nanny. Every time she would get up, I'd place back in the chair without saying anything to her. This went on for 45 mins! She was having so much FUN jumping out of the chair & me putting her back in it that it felt pointless. I don't think she even remembered why he was in timeout to begin with! I don't want to spank her & diversion doesn't always work. Any ideas?

meganandchase · November 2012

We use timeouts and take away privileges. Timeouts are mainly for safety/aggression things, like hitting or trying to take out the child safety thing from the outlets. Privileges are taken away for not listening or not being nice. This would include things like loss of certain toys, dessert, or a bedtime story.

I don't know if this would help your timeout problem or not. A guy at work puts his kids in timeout in the bathtub. He said if he puts them anywhere else, they don't mind because they have something to look at or to occupy them. But they hate being in the bathtub!

superaunt · November 2012

check out 1 2 3 Magic

rlyttle · November 2012

We spank DS. I know not everyone agrees with this, but I'm not against spanking my child. That is only in extreme cases though. Now I just say "Do you want me to spank you?" and that is usually enough to make him stop. I also take away things, put him in timeout (doesn't work for us), I pretty much just don't let him win. If he throws a fit on the ground, I just walk into the room. He has his moments, but he seems much better the last month or so.

sschwege · November 2012

We try to use diversion or more immediate consequences. For example a week or two ago DD was looking at her books and purposely ripped a page out of one. We took all of her books away and told her she could try again with her books tomorrow.

We do use time-outs mostly for hitting or on occasion if there is a total disregard for what was instructed (don't climb up on the oven rail and she does it anyway). The time-outs work pretty well for her, but I don't try to keep her anywhere. We have a gate that separates our main living area from our kitchen and bedrooms. So I just put her on the other side of the gate and shut it. She just stands at the gate and cries for 30sec-3min until I come and get her. Then we talk about why she was back there.

Also I like giving choices some are more personal preferences like which PJs do you want to wear tonight? But others are used more to get her to follow our directions. For example today I was moving some chairs and I wanted her further away so I wouldn't hit her with the chairs. DH called her over and she at first did not want to come. So DH said, "Either you can walk over here or Papa is going to carry you." She chose to walk, but if she hadn't made a choice we would have made one for her.

As pp mentioned I have also heard great things about 1-2-3 Magic. My pedi's office recommends it.

sschwege · November 2012

Sorry, just thought of one more thing. Sometimes I use natural consequences with DD as well. This was back in August, but DD was balancing on a ball while holding on to an end table. I knew how it was going to end, but let her carry on without saying a word because this is just another way they learn. Sure enough ended up with a bruise on her chin, but you know how many times she has tried that since? Zero! Way quicker learning curve than a time-out or anything else.

D&HMom · November 2012

superaunt:
check out 1 2 3 Magic

This! works like a charm!

Stephanie2167 · November 2012

I also recommend 1-2-3 Magic. We were trying the timeout chair and a 2 minute timeout would take 20 minutes and lots of tears. Now when we get to 3 she goes to her room for 2 minutes to calm down and its been great.

stever · November 2012

TO, if that doesn't work then his toys get taken, if that doesn't work we take his lovey. Taking the lovey away usually does the trick.

mtbmama · November 2012

For the most part we use 1-2-3 magic. Sometimes we offer choices if I know I'm asking something of her that might set her off. Her being able to have a choice helps. (For example if we are getting ready to go out she doesnt always want to comply, so she gets to choose to either put her shoes on or stay home-this works for us). The big thing for us is to be consistent and to follow through.

llc730 · November 2012

1) Avoid the need to discipline- offer choices, be aware of hungry/tired times, etc.

2) Natural consequences- for example, if you have bad manners at the table then you are done and you miss dessert, if you run around at bedtime then you used up all the time for reading books, if you are too rough on your toys/don't put them away when asked/ use them in an unkind way then it is taken away for a day.

3)Time-out in her room- I tried the naughty step thing for quite a while and it was always a disaster. When I put her in her room she only comes out a couple times before staying for the whole time.

** for temper tantrums I just tell her she is free to join us when she is calm and take DD2 to another part of the house to play- She hates this because then all my attention is focused on DD2 so she stops the tantrum pretty quickly. If she follows me I just repeat that she needs to calm down and move again.

dragon_chica · November 2012

llc730:
1) Avoid the need to discipline- offer choices, be aware of hungry/tired times, etc.

2) Natural consequences- for example, if you have bad manners at the table then you are done and you miss dessert, if you run around at bedtime then you used up all the time for reading books, if you are too rough on your toys/don't put them away when asked/ use them in an unkind way then it is taken away for a day.

3)Time-out in her room- I tried the naughty step thing for quite a while and it was always a disaster. When I put her in her room she only comes out a couple times before staying for the whole time.

** for temper tantrums I just tell her she is free to join us when she is calm and take DD2 to another part of the house to play- She hates this because then all my attention is focused on DD2 so she stops the tantrum pretty quickly. If she follows me I just repeat that she needs to calm down and move again.

Pretty much this. The only difference is we don't call them TOs but a cool down. Toddlers, for the most part, are "naughty" due to a frustration or a need. I just tell her to go cool down and then we can deal with this. So in a way it is a TO but it's not given a negative connotation. A cool down/TO, to us, is not and should not be a punishment.

12bailey18 · November 2012

If he's really worked up about something I just have him go sit on the couch or in a chair to cool off and calm down. Not necessarily a time out but he sits there until he calms down instead of following me around with a tantrum. We also may take things away, turn the TV off, etc. In extreme situations we will spank but usually just asking him if he wants a spanking is enough.

etude de la vie · November 2012

I use a lot of different methods:

Natural consequences: one of them wants to stand on the rocking horse. I first say "____ don't do that you could fall down and get hurt" if they proceed then they fall I comfort them and say "see I told you ____- next time listen to mommy and you won't get hurt"

Tantrums: If they are out of control they get a "cool off" time in their bed or in their rooms (I don't keep any toys but books in their rooms since they are both out of cribs). Most of the time I try to talk to them and say "use your words" or ask "do you want this?" Once they start communicating and calming down they get what they wanted (with using words like please and thank you), but if they are just in a blind rage and can't listen or snap out of it they go to cool down.

Sharing: one warning and if they don't start to share no one gets it. Same with taking turns. I don't want to spend the majority of my day as the referee and this method works quickly.

Big danger items: If someone pops off the outlet cover and goes to stick their finger in (has happened) they get a spank on the hand! It really only takes once and they never do it again but I only do it in serious life-dangering scenarios. The threat is often more effective now days too.

Time outs just don't work here. I have tried and it turns into a 20 min battle of getting them to stay in the spot for even just 1 min with lots of tears and kicking. I don't like the concept of isolation to "think" about what they did when really they are just not capable yet.

I find if I take things away, move them out of the situation, or in rare circumstance slap a hand, that my point and lesson gets taken quicker and lasts longer but its a struggle. Candy rewards worked great for potty training but I don't want to use that for behavioral problems (and won't).

JoannaJes · November 2012

This is a really great resource about toddler behavior and how to address it in a developmentally appropriate manner.

https://www.zerotothree.org/child-development/challenging-behavior/tips-tools-challenging-behaviors.html

Hitting/spanking, etc. is totally unnecessary. Ug, I kind of feel sick reading about all of these 2 year olds getting spanked. OP, I think it's great that you realize how counter-intuitive it is to use physical harm as a deterrent to unwanted behavior.

Want a personalized experience?

How do you discipline your toddler?

Re: How do you discipline your toddler?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards