argh I'm frustrated!!! - are you a leftover too? come in

BzeetyD · November 2012

I'm having a hard time on the bump lately as I'm feeling quite leftover here (for the 3rd time) which is majorly sucking... and I want to be clear that I am very happy for all the BFPs that get to move on and I know how hard IF is...but just ARGGGGGGG!!!!!

Infertility Veterans is like 1/100th of the board it used to be and I'm not comfortable being a part of a facebook group regardless of how anonymous it is.

There is no comfortable place for me to be right now and it feels very lonely. Crying Part of this is just the length of my journey, part of it is having multiple losses and dealing with IF and part of it is being between big decisions.

Wah wah wah... I need to go like, punch a pillow or something. Or take Mister Rogers' suggestion of "pound some clay or some dough"

I need to vent today.

Mrs.McIrish · November 2012

Hugs. Just keep trying to revive/rebuild the Vets board with new "leftovers". I am sad that it is rather empty these days as it was something I desparately needed when I felt like you -- left behind, the worst of the infertiles. There will always be new people needing that space.

I definitely would like a punch a pillow today. I'm just waiting to fail a donor egg cycle. It doesn't get much worse than that..

hootie123 · November 2012

I completely and totally understand how you feel. I mostly lurk now instead of posting about my utter failures. And pretty much everyone that I became close to on the bump is either pg or has their baby. It's a really really really sh*tty place to still be in the trenches as all of your friends move on. It's helped me a ton to have a group of IRL friends that I've made from my support group - but even that is hard since most of them have found success - but there are still a few that are fighting like me. I wish I had an easy answer - but we both know there are no easy answers...

bhead81 · November 2012

Siggy warning......

I understand how you feel. Since I have an adopted son I feel strange posting here as so many people do not have kids but I am still infertile and I am now back TTC via IVF.

Km672 · November 2012

I totally understand. I feel the exact same way. I feel that most of the ladies on this board are beginning their IVF journeys and I've well..been there, done that times 4 plus 2 DS IUIs, now I'm onto IVF 5 with DS. I did not post long enough to belong on the infertility veterans board. Now that I am about to reach that milestone, I don't want to be part of a Facebook group!
This board is incredible and very supportive, but it's difficult watching others move on so quickly and I'm still here... after 4 years of battling infertility. I feel like I don't really belong here or there or anywhere.

PurpleIris30 · November 2012

I'm sorry. I've been posting on this board for nearly two years, and have been lurking for years before that as we were working on our game plan. I haven't been posting much lately since it's just gotten too hard. Due to the sensitive nature of my husband's genetic issues, I'll also never post on a facebook group that would reveal my identity. I'm really sorry about your loss, and I wish I could do something that would make it better for you.

BzeetyD · November 2012

Since IVF is so quiet - would peeps want to have a weekly check-in here?

Not an IVF check-in but, like, a step between? For folks with a few cycles under their belts? I wouldn't want to be harsh with the guidelines as it's only a check-in.

I'd be willing to run it. I'm not going anywhere for awhile. I promise that I'm normally less whiney.

We could have a secret handshake or something, or even a badge, if we want.

Trippleb · November 2012

Yesterday was a tough day for the vets on the infertility board. .

I'm all for reviving the IF vets board. I really don't like the flow of things on FB. I think some posts get lost over more popular posts and I really miss having a subject heading so I can quickly scan the things I want to read. Plus I miss the siggys. I know quite a few people's history, but it's to easy to lose track.

Julie21613 · November 2012

Bzeety, I so feel like a leftover. I was a lurker for about 2 years before I took the plunge and started posting. So many people that I got to know (although they never got to know me) are either pregnant or had their babies. I am terrified to start my 5th and probably last cycle with my own eggs. I think I am going to wait until after the holidays. I would like to try and enjoy them and not be stressed. I too am not comfortable joining the facebook group. Hugs to you and all the rest of us that have been struggling with infertility and losses for sometime now.

BzeetyD · November 2012

Julie21613:
Bzeety, I so feel like a leftover. I was a lurker for about 2 years before I took the plunge and started posting. So many people that I got to know (although they never got to know me) are either pregnant or had their babies. I am terrified to start my 5th and probably last cycle with my own eggs. I think I am going to wait until after the holidays. I would like to try and enjoy them and not be stressed. I too am not comfortable joining the facebook group. Hugs to you and all the rest of us that have been struggling with infertility and losses for sometime now.

Our next cycle will almost certainly be our last with our OE as well. We're looking to cycle in the new year too. You and me need to hang out more!

BzeetyD · November 2012

Trippleb:
Yesterday was a tough day for the vets on the infertility board. .

I'm all for reviving the IF vets board. I really don't like the flow of things on FB. I think some posts get lost over more popular posts and I really miss having a subject heading so I can quickly scan the things I want to read. Plus I miss the siggys. I know quite a few people's history, but it's to easy to lose track.

How can we re-start the IFV board? What are some ideas that you think could work?

I'm all for posting over there too - we don't need to stay here.

Mrs.McIrish · November 2012

Breezy-- do you promise not to have high fives? I'm just not that cheerful at this stage.

BzeetyD · November 2012

Mrs.McIrish:
Breezy-- do you promise not to have high fives? I'm just not that cheerful at this stage.

Yes. I think I can do that. Embarrassed If I'm cycling I can post on IF and high five all I want - is that cool?

hootie123 · November 2012

BzeetyD:

Julie21613:
Bzeety, I so feel like a leftover. I was a lurker for about 2 years before I took the plunge and started posting. So many people that I got to know (although they never got to know me) are either pregnant or had their babies. I am terrified to start my 5th and probably last cycle with my own eggs. I think I am going to wait until after the holidays. I would like to try and enjoy them and not be stressed. I too am not comfortable joining the facebook group. Hugs to you and all the rest of us that have been struggling with infertility and losses for sometime now.

Our next cycle will almost certainly be our last with our OE as well. We're looking to cycle in the new year too. You and me need to hang out more!

Same here! We are doing 1 more IVF with my own eggs....talk about pressure....

BzeetyD · November 2012

hootie123:
BzeetyD:

Julie21613:
Bzeety, I so feel like a leftover. I was a lurker for about 2 years before I took the plunge and started posting. So many people that I got to know (although they never got to know me) are either pregnant or had their babies. I am terrified to start my 5th and probably last cycle with my own eggs. I think I am going to wait until after the holidays. I would like to try and enjoy them and not be stressed. I too am not comfortable joining the facebook group. Hugs to you and all the rest of us that have been struggling with infertility and losses for sometime now.

Our next cycle will almost certainly be our last with our OE as well. We're looking to cycle in the new year too. You and me need to hang out more!

Same here! We are doing 1 more IVF with my own eggs....talk about pressure....

OK now we've really got something here!

Enndea · November 2012

Ladies,

I just wanted to say I'm sorry if I made anyone feel shitty yesterday. That was NEVER ever my intention. At all!

BellaLux · November 2012

I'm sorry hun, my journey has not been as long and I have not faced multiple failed cycles, but I do feel out of place and left behind as well. Especially since we don't plan to cycle again for a while, I just don't know where to go. The IF board has been difficult lately because the majority of ladies IVF works (yes, I cam happy for all), but it makes me feel like a fluke or something. Since there's always a new cycle of bumpies, I don't know many of the new and the old SS are gone...ugh.... And as you stated, because I have not been active here for 6+ months, I can't transition to IVF-V...

Km672 · November 2012

Unless things are drastically different this time, this will be my last try with my own eggs too. Going into this knowing that is very difficult.

hootie123 · November 2012

Enndea:

Ladies,

I just wanted to say I'm sorry if I made anyone feel shitty yesterday. That was NEVER ever my intention. At all!

I think you are missing the point of this thread - it is not about individual people posting their BFPs. It's about being left behind over and over and over again...and that is what makes us feel sh*tty.

Mrs.McIrish · November 2012

BzeetyD:

Mrs.McIrish:
Breezy-- do you promise not to have high fives? I'm just not that cheerful at this stage.

Yes. I think I can do that. If I'm cycling I can post on IF and high five all I want - is that cool?

Lol.

Enndea · November 2012

hootie123:
Enndea:

Ladies,

I just wanted to say I'm sorry if I made anyone feel shitty yesterday. That was NEVER ever my intention. At all!

I think you are missing the point of this thread - it is not about individual people posting their BFPs. It's about being left behind over and over and over again...and that is what makes us feel sh*tty.

I understood that. I just wanted to apologize for possibly contributing to it. That was all.

BzeetyD · November 2012

Enndea:
Ladies,
I just wanted to say I'm sorry if I made anyone feel shitty yesterday. That was NEVER ever my intention. At all!

Your BFP deserves to be celebrated and please do not think that this thread is down on BFPs or those who are newly cycling.

The journey changes over time, emotional needs are different and with the dismal turnout on Infertility Vets, it's hard to find a place to take that energy... that's what this thread is about.

Ecarabeo217 · November 2012

Yeah...lately I've been mostly lurking because I dont' quite feel like I fit anywhere either...even though I'm "only" 1 IVF under my belt, I feel like I've been on hold since. I mistakenly went on to PAIF the other day...just to see what folks were talking about, and instantly realized how stupid that was since I saw the people that cycled with me 20+ weeks pregnant. Ugh. And I just met with a new RE (who I think we will be keeping) and found that they group-start people...he doesn't think I will have enough time (with the other stuff we have going on with DH) to start December so I may be pushed to FEBRUARY!! WTF?? So I feel like everyone keeps moving on (which I'm totally happy for them) but definitely feeling leftover these days. Would love to have a check in!!

Edwina.McDunnough · November 2012

BzeetyD:
The journey changes over time, emotional needs are different and with the dismal turnout on Infertility Vets, it's hard to find a place to take that energy... that's what this thread is about.

This is exactly what IFV is about and the very reason for it's creation.

It's been discussed many many times and I won't rehash it, but it's really impossible to get to "know" someone if everyone has the same generic bump avatars and same badges in their signatures. I am very anit-badges and TTC checkins because it really ruined the IF board when people only post in the checkins. Its divisive rather than encompassing and not what IFV community is based on originally. I acknowledge that all boards have and will continue to evolve and that's a natural part of things and my opinion won't matter in the end, but there it is, however if things change significantly, I'll probably shut down the FAQ if it proves to be out of date or inaccurate.

If folks want to loosen the 6m guideline to, say 4 months or bronze standing or whatever, to get things moving I'm open to that, however someone has to draw the line and unfortunately that person won't be me this time. Warning: you'll get a lot of grief from people saying how unfair you are.

Keep in mind that the IF board was everyone for a really long time, and IFers rallied together to form IFV for the very reason you stated above. We all have the ability to make things happen.

BAKERMOMHDS · November 2012

hootie123:
I completely and totally understand how you feel. I mostly lurk now instead of posting about my utter failures. And pretty much everyone that I became close to on the bump is either pg or has their baby. It's a really really really sh*tty place to still be in the trenches as all of your friends move on. It's helped me a ton to have a group of IRL friends that I've made from my support group - but even that is hard since most of them have found success - but there are still a few that are fighting like me. I wish I had an easy answer - but we both know there are no easy answers...

This exactly.. I pretty much lurk when I feel strong, otherwise it's too hard.

Big Hugs...

cupcake201 · November 2012

I'm sorry you are feeling so down today. I haven't been in your shoes but I can imagine not feeling like you belong anywhere must be very supporting. With that being said, I am happy you are here, and live having you on this board. Between your high fives and crazy polls, you help bring a smile to everyone's day when you post. HUGE HUGS to you and I hope you feel better.

Mrs.McIrish · November 2012

Edwina.McDunnough:
BzeetyD:

The journey changes over time, emotional needs are different and with the dismal turnout on Infertility Vets, it's hard to find a place to take that energy... that's what this thread is about.

This is exactly what IFV is about and the very reason for it's creation.

It's been discussed many many times and I won't rehash it, but it's really impossible to get to "know" someone if everyone has the same generic bump avatars and same badges in their signatures. I am very anit-badges and TTC checkins because it really ruined the IF board when people only post in the checkins. Its divisive rather than encompassing and not what IFV community is based on originally. I acknowledge that all boards have and will continue to evolve and that's a natural part of things and my opinion won't matter in the end, but there it is, however if things change significantly, I'll probably shut down the FAQ if it proves to be out of date or inaccurate.

If folks want to loosen the 6m guideline to, say 4 months or bronze standing or whatever, to get things moving I'm open to that, however someone has to draw the line and unfortunately that person won't be me this time. Warning: you'll get a lot of grief from people saying how unfair you are.

Keep in mind that the IF board was everyone for a really long time, and IFers rallied together to form IFV for the very reason you stated above. We all have the ability to make things happen.

Edwina, you are a wise woman.

Sophistikitty · November 2012

BzeetyD, I feel the same way. I?m not really sure where I fit in anymore. I was going to join Infertility Veterans but as you said, there is no one there anymore. As for the Facebook group, I left Facebook years ago and have no desire to go back on there... drama and irritations I just don?t need in my life! Just know that (as you can see from the responses) you are not the only leftover in the fridge (((Hugs)))

Jlynn3 · November 2012

Mrs.McIrish:
Edwina.McDunnough:
BzeetyD:

The journey changes over time, emotional needs are different and with the dismal turnout on Infertility Vets, it's hard to find a place to take that energy... that's what this thread is about.

This is exactly what IFV is about and the very reason for it's creation.

It's been discussed many many times and I won't rehash it, but it's really impossible to get to "know" someone if everyone has the same generic bump avatars and same badges in their signatures. I am very anit-badges and TTC checkins because it really ruined the IF board when people only post in the checkins. Its divisive rather than encompassing and not what IFV community is based on originally. I acknowledge that all boards have and will continue to evolve and that's a natural part of things and my opinion won't matter in the end, but there it is, however if things change significantly, I'll probably shut down the FAQ if it proves to be out of date or inaccurate.

If folks want to loosen the 6m guideline to, say 4 months or bronze standing or whatever, to get things moving I'm open to that, however someone has to draw the line and unfortunately that person won't be me this time. Warning: you'll get a lot of grief from people saying how unfair you are.

Keep in mind that the IF board was everyone for a really long time, and IFers rallied together to form IFV for the very reason you stated above. We all have the ability to make things happen.

Edwina, you are a wise woman.

Very well said Edwina.

IF is hard no matter where you are in your journey. The vets board was created for those who have been on the road for a long time and need some kind of outlet. A place where drive-bys don't happen, and one timers don't breeze thru. A place where you can b*tch and moan and yet still support one another.

It is sad to see the board so empty, yet at the same time it can be revived just as Edwina said. I hope that there is a revival and that others can find the solace that I found there.

Juicy71 · November 2012

((((((hugs))))))

glueck · November 2012

For the "left overs"- lets talk about it. Come over to IFV and lets map it out.

I still think that 6+ months of activity on IF board/Bronze poster minimum status/ and X number of failed treatment cycles (we have to define that X) will still be compulsory. Joining in the middle of a treatment cycle also always kinda rubbed me the wrong way. Eh.

If you, as a "left over," have an IF history of multiple failed treatment cycles as well as being an active party of this community and you feel like the turnover on this board has been too much for you to bear, lets talk about reopening the IFV board.

rockpaperlove · November 2012

I hear you ladies who are not keen on FB. I have not had an IRL FB page for years because it is too difficult to deal with so many "announcements". The simple philosophy of "out of sight out of mind" has proven to be easier for me. With that said, I did create a new account for our IFV private group and it has worked out quite well for me. No complaints.

I only state this because I feel like I am hearing discouragement in general as well as specific privacy concerns of our IFV FB group in this thread. I just want to clear up the discrepancies of what has been created for those of us IFV's who needed more privacy and have found that through the private IFV FB group.

I wish you ladies the best in finding a comfortable place that you can call "home".

Maybe we will see some of you over on TB IFV board in the near future...GL

rockpaperlove · November 2012

glueck:

If you, as a "left over," have an IF history of multiple failed treatment cycles as well as being an active party of this community and you feel like the turnover on this board has been too much for you to bear, lets talk about reopening the IFV board.

Yes

maggie2324 · November 2012

Hey ladies! I feel the sting of being a "left over" too and that's why I don't hang on TB much. I almost didn't join the turkey basters because I don't want that to happen again. I don't even enjoy reading posts on 3T or IF much anymore because they're all the same, just new faces.

Sophistikitty · November 2012

maggie2324:
I don't even enjoy reading posts on 3T or IF much anymore because they're all the same, just new faces.

I find this too. I want nothing but success for all the ladies that are cycling but I just don?t relate to them in the same way I used to.

Laurakat81 · November 2012

Just (((hugs))))!

Citygirl1015 · November 2012

I'm so sorry Bzeety! Sending you big ((HUGS))

I've been feeling left behind lately too, and it sucks. I'm hoping that we all get to move on soon, because as much as I love all the support I get here, I'm ready to get outta here! No offense ladies, I'm just ready to move on after 2 years of this IF crap.

BzeetyD · November 2012

cupcake201:
I'm sorry you are feeling so down today. I haven't been in your shoes but I can imagine not feeling like you belong anywhere must be very supporting. With that being said, I am happy you are here, and live having you on this board. Between your high fives and crazy polls, you help bring a smile to everyone's day when you post. HUGE HUGS to you and I hope you feel better.

Hey thanks, cupcake. I'm not leaving IF! I still gots things to say and puppies that need giving away!

luvboston · November 2012

Ditto and my shrink is crying for me now,,,get the bulletts

luvboston · November 2012

Ditto

Scoop77 · November 2012

Man, I love you for posting this. I've been going through some roughness lately and this board has seemed like the BFP board. I know I cycled for the first time like five months ago, too, and so I should be aware of the fact that if I'd had success on the first try I'd be thrilled but I would also want support. I don't blame ANYONE for needing support through the touchy period between a BFP and more "concrete" results like a 2nd, 3rd beta or an ultrasound but it just freaking stinks to feel as you put it, like a leftover.

I've lurked on the IFV board forever and was sad to see it die off. I was really looking forward to intro-ing there. Well, as much as someone can look forward to publicly acknowledging their repeated failure at conception.

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argh I'm frustrated!!! - are you a leftover too? come in

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