- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
February 2012 Moms
In an awkward spot and feeling awful
My mom has several health ailments. I'll spare you all the long story, but basically she has one functioning lung, is on oxygen, goes to physical therapy twice a week, gets pneumonia once a year or so, and has some sort of underlying condition that none of her doctor's can identify.
A while ago my parents got new iphones and gave their old ones to DH and me to use as ipod touches. I have my mom's former phone, which she did not wipe the memory of. Due to laziness, I have also not deleted her contacts or her email accounts, just added mine. I just delete the messages that aren't for me. Somehow, she set up her phone so that emails she sends end up in the inbox.
As a result of all of this, I saw an email she sent to her doctor about a month ago and before I could stop myself I read it. I am already aware that this is despicable. Basically she was asking her doctor if she heard him right and she has about two years to live. I did not see a reply from her doctor because I've soooo learned my lesson about inadvertently snooping and finding things you wish you hadn't.
This is preoccupying my mind. I'm very close to my mom and in spite of all her health issues, I never really thought about her mortality. I've tried to bring this up very obliquely, asking how her health is etc. But she's made no mention, we don't talk about important things in my family. My dad once called and about 15 minutes into the conversation he mentioned that my mom had been admitted to the hospital.
Do I try to have a conversation about this? Do I just live with this in the back of my mind and use it as a reminder that each day with her (and anyone) is precious?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: In an awkward spot and feeling awful
First of all, I'm so sorry!
Second, I might bring up to her that when she gave you the phone she didn't wipe anything off so emails keep coming through on the phone. Just tell her that you read one of the messages and you're concerned and would like to talk to her about it. No need to hide anything, or even feel bad for "snooping". Just let her know you love her and are concerned and want to know if there's anything you all can do.
Secondly I would talk to your Mom and you don't have to bring up anything about what you read but you could just tell your Mom she can be honest with you no matter what and you would like to know everything that is happening cause you would like to be informed. My great aunt kept things from us and honestly I wish she hadn't, they made it seem like her stay in the hospital wasn't that bad and she would be going home soon when honestly we goings our afterwards she was very very sick and it was a battle to keep her alive and they knew she didn't have long to live but didn't wasn't to say anything. I was a bit upset after finding out cause if we knew this before we would have spent all day and night there if we could and could have prepared ourselves a little more for her passing other than just waking up one morning and finding out she want alive. I know that sounds a bit selfish on mt end but I loved my aunt so much and I wish I couldve been there in her final moments.
I am so sorry that you and your family have to go through something like this!
I agree with jmccall, and I also had a similar situation as jju but with my grandma. She had terminal cancer and she never told anyone, not even my mother. My mom found out she was "sick"a week before she passed and she didn't even know it was cancer untill after she passed away. She was living in a different province so we didn't see her often, so no one even knew she was in the hospital.
Once again,I'm sorry.
So sorry to hear about your mom. That is a tough spot.
As an alternate perspective, she may think she is sparing you and her situation may not be clear to her, either. You say she has something wrong that nobody can figure out; my dad is in a similar boat. I will spare the details since this is not about me but we have been given the "news" a million times in the past two years that this is the end, he is terminal, etc. and it keeps ending up not being the case. They don't really know what is wrong with him, either.
I don't think you need to feel any guilt because you weren't really intentionally snooping, but you should let her know what you saw and how you saw it so she can clear up the setup on her email and so you can clear the air. Tell her you understand if she doesn't want to talk about it but you would like to know what is going on, even if it's not good news.
Thanks ladies. This has been weighing on my mind and I didn't want to tell DH because he has the worst poker face.
I'm just worried she will try to steer this into a discussion about me snooping in order to avoid the real issue at hand. I guess I'll try to have a chat tonight.
I'm so sorry. My good friends had to bury their father today. He was pretty young (65). I would definitely sit down and talk to your Mom. As soon as you can.
Even go so far as to say "Hey I know we don't talk about these things. But I love you and I want to know how your health is and how you are feeling, etc.". I hope she opens up and confides in you. But you run the risk she won't, and while I'm sure that will hurt you have to respect how she delivers her news.
If she doesn't open up. Just keep nudging the issue in a loving way, she may need help digesting this news. And please tell her how much she means to you while you have her. Hug her and give her as much affection as you can. My friend told me she wished she could hug her Dad one more time.
I'll be hugging my parents every single time I see them from now on!