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Assembly_Reqd
member
WAY 2 Cool 4 School 
Re: Open Letter Thursday - just in time!
Dear ENT Whom We Should Get Rid of:
Thank you, oh so much, for cauterizing the wrong damn nostril. I Am soooo glad we put Nate through the pain of the procedure and the worse pain of you digging out all the stuffing you put into a nostril that only bleeds 10 percent of the time.
This morning we had another bloody nose. Guess what side it was on?? The one that should have been cauterized in the first place.
Signed,
tickedoff
Dear Elderly Couple at the top of the street,
Just because there is no power and you have nothing to do, don't make it your mission to call the cops as often as possible. Yes my DH trimmed a tree across the street. THERE WAS NO WAY OUT!!! Yes you called the cops but don't worry, DH made a path. And then, standing out there at 9 PM to WRITE down the license plates of people driving past the tree. Seriously?! There is ONE street beyond the tree that has fallen that is accessible. There are 5 trees on the other side of that street. I have one way in and out. Get over it, I will be driving past. If you keep calling the cops to tell them to check my license plate and that I've been driving past the tree, at some point they're going to stop answering your calls.
Thank you for telling me my child's issues are too hard for you to understand and therefore you get frustrated with me. I know that I'm not the same easygoing, carefree, bar hopping girl I used to be before I had my kid. However, for the past 3 years I have had to fight doctors, friends, and family to take us seriously. You have made it quite apparant that you don't believe me and think I am overdramatizing our life. I wish I could say I was surprised by your bailing out on me.
My daughter hasn't slept through the night for more than a week since she was born so no, I don't want to go to the midnight showing of Twilight because then my 6 hours of sleep will only be 3 hours of sleep and I will be too tired to keep my patience while my daughter scratches me and pulls my hair because she doesn't know how to handle living each day in pain. But again, I'm so sorry that all of that somehow inconveniences you. I am grateful that you informed that you no longer wanted to be my friend before I purchased your daughter's Christmas gift.
Love,
Me
P.s. I'll be anxiously awaiting the news of your divorcee via Facebook. We all know that marriage isn't going to last.
Dear neighbor/neighborhood dog owners,
Please bring your dog inside when they are incessantly barking. I do not appreciate being woken up by it and I certainly do not appreciate umpteen f'ing dogs all barking their damn heads off and waking up my children. I don't mind that a lot of you have dogs, just please be considerate of your neighbors. Not everyone is up at the butt crack of dawn. There are those that sleep during the day due to a job or out of necessity, just as there are people trying to sleep at night. Your dogs are great and cute - just bring them in for a little bit when they are barking non-stop.
Regards,
A tired neighbor who hasn't been getting much sleep lately and continues to have trouble getting sleep (or being woken up early or having trouble falling asleep) because dogs are barking to the point of being a nuisance
Dear other neighbor with the loud ass truck,
I have 2 beefs with you. 1. Do you really need to rev up your super loud truck in the driveway. It wakes me up. 2. Stop honking your damn horn at 7am or whatever time it is to "get" your daughter to hurry her ass up and get in your truck. That ALSO wakes me up. How about you get off your butt and go in and get her. That is the quieter option.
Regards,
Your catty-corner across the street neighbor tired of being woken up!
DS,
I had a blast with you baking with me on Sunday and Tuesday. We made 2 big candy corn cookies.
Last night, I wanted to bake one more cookie and we would bake again during the Thanksgiving holiday. You told me no and walked away.
I am sad because I want to spend time with you even if you spill baking soda all over the kitchen. I want you to love cooking and baking.
Mommy
DH,
Please have lots and lots of patience for DS. I know you are impatient and I am patient.
Wife
Dear DD
I am sorry that I got impatient with you at the Tiny Tots gymnastics class. I should know that a structured class like that is not for you right now. I am sorry that I bawled when we got home and felt sorry for myself and you.
Thank you for then saying the word "down" and making mommy the happiest person in the world. I am so proud of you.
love
Your super proud mama
I know it's Friday but it's been a crazy week.
Dear DS
I know that being out of your routine has you all out of sorts. I'm sorry for yelling at you because you're freaking out over everything. It's just that mommy and daddy are out of their routines and trying to work and take care of you and your brother is hard. So we're cranky too. We love you both super very much.
Now - THANK YOU for making your birthday a good one!!! You cooperated during gift opening and it was so fun to watch you playing your xylophone. Also thank you for not freaking out at the cake and actually smiling so I could get a picture of you in front of the cake. No you weren't smiling AT the camera but who cares - I finally have a happy Happy Birthday picture!
Love,
Mommy
Dear crotchety old neighbor,
eff you! A tree started falling down and when people wanted to move their car to the open spot you don't use, the answer should have been sure not "no! It's my spot." You've not used it in the 11 years I've lived there.
Signed,
i hope a tree falls on your tree next time
Dear Matthew,
I love you dearly. Stop mouthing back. Stop rolling your eyes.
Love you,
mom