Husband doesn't understand...(kinda long)

Navywifela12 · October 2012

So we just found out that we were having our second child on Sunday and we are sooo thrilled! This was our 2nd month trying to things worked out great. Well with our first child we were still in college and he slipped up on us! lol Well because everything was so new and there was so much going on I kept going back and for to live with my parents while I was pregnant because my husband was still finishing his degree. So I was gone the first 2 months of the pregnancy, then we lived together for 3 months, then I was gone for the rest of my pregnancy and he came to visit on breaks and things then we moved back in together about a month before our son was born. He hated it but it's what was best at the time. So basically he knows nothing about pregnancy! He even thought that you just have sex without BC and just get pregnant. Anyway, the point of all this is to say that he keeps saying "i'm over doing it" when I say like my boobs are sore or i'm sleepy. And I don't say it in a pitiful way or to get out of stuff but I just say it just sharing but he doesnt believe me. He says "it is wayyyy too early for me to feel anything"....like he has ever carried a baby right. Then I told him yesterday that I called and made my first OB appt and he was like "what do you need to go to the doctor for you dont look pregnant yet" =? Granted last time I didnt go to the doctor until I was like 20 weeks but that was because I had a hard time getting insurance. So I told him that what I did last time was wrong and that you're suppose to go regularly (and so you know the appt is not for the new few weeks obviously) Then I told him that I have a Blood test and date check in 2 weeks when I am 6 weeks and he looks at me like 0_o He's like you will not be 6 weeks in 2 weeks... I'm like i'm 4 weeks pregnant right now and he refuses to believe me! I told him pregnancy is counted from the first day of your last period but he refuses to believe that so he says im only like 1 week and a half pregnant. He's so silly.... Okay rant over!! Just wanted to get that out!

jlpev · October 2012

Good luck!! Your gonna have your hands full!!! I suggest that he should go with you to your first appointment. They ask all kinds of questions about family history and how your feeling. Therefore it might help him realize some stuff.

blush64 · October 2012

IrishCoffee7:

jlpev:
Good luck!! Your gonna have your hands full!!! I suggest that he should go with you to your first appointment. They ask all kinds of questions about family history and how your feeling. Therefore it might help him realize some stuff.
This.
And get him a book.

I think a book would be a good start as well as coming to a doctor's appointment.

I would find him annoying.

gutsymama · October 2012

He sounds like a real gem. Silly is probably not the word I would use. Good luck.

jerseygirl81 · October 2012

I would have already kicked him in the junk. He needs to educate himself, that would get really old really fast.

Navywifela12 · October 2012

Yea, I told him I could show him things on the computer and in my books. I guess it's just gonna take some time and a little educating cause he said he was excited to be here to take care of me the whole time this time but I guess he didnt know what that meant fully. So does anyone know a good book that a man can read. It has to be like from a guys point of view or something thats not to girlie so he wont think it's bias. My hubby is a tough cookie to crack because he needs lots of evidence to believe things and he thinks lots of things are bias. He is really sweet though and right now there isn't much to worry about. I just think it's a little annoying that he thinks i'm making things up cause I don't want to be the pregnant woman that cried wolf.

CleopatraBlue · October 2012

Navywifela12:
... So does anyone know a good book that a man can read. It has to be like from a guys point of view or something thats not to girlie so he wont think it's bias. My hubby is a tough cookie to crack because he needs lots of evidence to believe things and he thinks lots of things are bias.

I'm sorry OP, but this really threw me. He doesn't believe you and he won't believe a book on the subject unless its in "guy speak"? Wow.

On topic: I don't know of any books from a man's perspective. I'm sure there are some, but neither my husband nor I have read them.

jerseygirl81 · October 2012

CleopatraBlue:
Navywifela12:
... So does anyone know a good book that a man can read. It has to be like from a guys point of view or something thats not to girlie so he wont think it's bias. My hubby is a tough cookie to crack because he needs lots of evidence to believe things and he thinks lots of things are bias.
I'm sorry OP, but this really threw me. He doesn't believe you and he won't believe a book on the subject unless its in "guy speak"? Wow.

Agreed. Any book written by a medical professional should suffice. Your Pregnancy Week by Week breaks it down into tiny little sentences and doesn't use too many big words. Sounds like that could work for him. I really don't understand what his issue is. Sounds like a winner.

Navywifela12 · October 2012

I'll look into that book and check and see! You know it's always hard to read tone when you're writing but I didn't mean it to sound like he is rude or disrespectful. My husband is really sweet he's just stubborn sometimes. I think I just gotta help him understand how pregnancy works so he can see that i'm not gonna be making things up. He missed the first couple of months the first time so by the time he was with me again I was looking pregnant so I guess it was more believeable. But I know that once he sees how things really are he will be more understanding!! Thank you for the book suggestion! I'm definitely gonna try that!

emrieann · October 2012

How would a book written by a woman be biased when women are the one's that Go Through Pregnancy?? Anyway, I'm not going to bash your husband, he's the man you are having babies with and obviously things work for you guys somehow. A funny and easy to read book for guys is "What to Expect When Your Wife is Expanding." It's both funny and has some good information. Beyond that you should Definitely sit down with him and write a list of questions for the Dr. to have with you at your first appointment. Make sure that even if you know the answer you just write it down and have him ask (or you can ask for him) at the appointment. He needs to get informed, but more important than that, he needs to trust you. You've done this before, you've done the research, you are informed, he is not. And until he gets himself informed (actively!) then he should take your word for what you are feeling as well as facts on pregnancy. Good luck with that.

R3dhead25 · October 2012

The Pregnant Man by Gordon Churchwell is a good one. My Fiance is currently reading it for future refrence. Good luck

SammyBeeRivers · October 2012

Ambsies:
mimi4347:
He sounds like a real gem. Silly is probably not the word I would use. Good luck.
Seriously, get the man a book.

This!

spaceunicorn · October 2012

jerseygirl81:
CleopatraBlue:
Navywifela12:
... So does anyone know a good book that a man can read. It has to be like from a guys point of view or something thats not to girlie so he wont think it's bias. My hubby is a tough cookie to crack because he needs lots of evidence to believe things and he thinks lots of things are bias.
I'm sorry OP, but this really threw me. He doesn't believe you and he won't believe a book on the subject unless its in "guy speak"? Wow.
Agreed. Any book written by a medical professional should suffice. Your Pregnancy Week by Week breaks it down into tiny little sentences and doesn't use too many big words. Sounds like that could work for him. I really don't understand what his issue is. Sounds like a winner.

all of this.

good luck. the guy just got a degree, too. I'd hope that he'd be a little more willing to educate himself on 'what to expect' as a dad etc.

luminyxs · October 2012

Listen, don't worry about defending yourself or you hubby. I'm sure all those women who are quick at attacking your hubby have issues with theirs too. There is no such thing as perfection. I appreciate that you are sharing his weak points in the hopes of getting some advice and not intending to put him under the microscope. People love to make comments quickly so just ignore that. There are more helpful ways for someone to give you advice than to tell you how annoyed they are at him or say things that are meant to put him down just because they are on a public forum with a private name.

BrittanyDoesDerby · October 2012

luminyxs:
Listen, don't worry about defending yourself or you hubby. I'm sure all those women who are quick at attacking your hubby have issues with theirs too. There is no such thing as perfection. I appreciate that you are sharing his weak points in the hopes of getting some advice and not intending to put him under the microscope. People love to make comments quickly so just ignore that. There are more helpful ways for someone to give you advice than to tell you how annoyed they are at him or say things that are meant to put him down just because they are on a public forum with a private name.

Lolz.

schmucac · October 2012

You're four weeks along... And you've only known for three days... And you're already having that many issues about it? Yikes.

ariaforte8 · October 2012

The previous posts said everything I wanted to say except:

Paragraphs are your friend.

rpalen29 · October 2012

luminyxs:
Listen, don't worry about defending yourself or you hubby. I'm sure all those women who are quick at attacking your hubby have issues with theirs too. There is no such thing as perfection. I appreciate that you are sharing his weak points in the hopes of getting some advice and not intending to put him under the microscope. People love to make comments quickly so just ignore that. There are more helpful ways for someone to give you advice than to tell you how annoyed they are at him or say things that are meant to put him down just because they are on a public forum with a private name.

I dont think any man totally understands pregnancy and things that come with it. my husband has a masters and doesn't understand my symptoms. one minute i'm ok and the next i feel like i'm gonna throw up. My husband just says im complaining and i'll be ok. I give him a finger gesture and he leaves me alone. haha.

but yes, theres alot of criticizers on here that put you down every chance they get. dont listen to them and just stay positive. Theres a forum on here for dads and new dads, maybe you can show it to him and he'll gain insight.

JenniatONU · October 2012

luminyxs:
Listen, don't worry about defending yourself or you hubby. I'm sure all those women who are quick at attacking your hubby have issues with theirs too. There is no such thing as perfection. I appreciate that you are sharing his weak points in the hopes of getting some advice and not intending to put him under the microscope. People love to make comments quickly so just ignore that. There are more helpful ways for someone to give you advice than to tell you how annoyed they are at him or say things that are meant to put him down just because they are on a public forum with a private name.

Oh, but yet you had to make an AE for this? lolz.

MrsT1108 · October 2012

Oh how I don't miss 1st Tri. There are some special snowflakes around here.

RissKay · October 2012

Navywifela12:
I'll look into that book and check and see! You know it's always hard to read tone when you're writing but I didn't mean it to sound like he is rude or disrespectful. My husband is really sweet he's just stubborn sometimes. I think I just gotta help him understand how pregnancy works so he can see that i'm not gonna be making things up. He missed the first couple of months the first time so by the time he was with me again I was looking pregnant so I guess it was more believeable. But I know that once he sees how things really are he will be more understanding!! Thank you for the book suggestion! I'm definitely gonna try that!

Hun, what you need to remember is that you're the one going through the pregnancy, not him. He needs to know that, too. He can't feel what you're feeling or anything like that, so he has to trust you.

Dr. Oz wrote a book called, "You, Pregnant" or something like that. I would have him read that or something along those lines.

Tell him to man up and deal. There are tons and tons and tons of literature out there that are scientifically based and explain what is going on with your body and why it's happening. What, he thinks that after a couple of months your boobs wouldn't be hurting/growing yet? Try having that as a first symptom 2 weeks after getting your BFP. Or having morning sickness 5 days after conception... it happens, and he needs to know this. If I sound harsh, it's meant to be more of a "tough love" approach than anything else, but he seriously sounds like he needs to grow up some.

aprilwarmbir · October 2012

It's made me lol!

Beaglechon2012 · October 2012

Here's my advice: paragraphs are your friend, use them.

TheMofoChens · November 2012

Wow if it were my H, I'd would've definitely let him feel my pregnant wrath lol. I'm sure your H has his good qualities in addition to his shortcomings like anyone else. He actually sounds a lot like my sister's bf who was actually one of my best friends and overall a very nice guy. He says very similar things and needs things to be explained in a very logical analytical (non-emotional) way to believe them. I agree with the others though, get him some books ASAP! Or else he really won't have a clue what you're going through.

I'm not sure about any books written less "girly", but I think I recall seeing a book on Amazon called some The Caveman's Pregnancy Companion, and it seemed to be described in reviews as humorous and catered towards men who don't like the typical pregnancy book. I didn't read it, so I don't know how good it is myself, but it had pretty decent reviews. My H is reading The Birth Partner, and he said it's pretty good so far and informative. It might not be what you're looking for as far as tone though.

Good luck to you, and congrats on your 2nd bean!

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