What makes the difference?
As I approach L&D, I feel like I have prepared in every way possible to have an unmedicated birth that I want - I have hired a doula, have a MW (but will be in a hospital) have read and prepared in almost all the ways I can.
However, I know that there is a big population of women who hope to go unmedicated and "can't" or end up deciding to get an epidural or other form of medical pain management.
So my question is, to moms (medicated or unmedicated or both) is what made the difference in you being able to stick to your plan / convictions to go unmedicated?
Why is it that so many women (especially FTM) want to and then do not end up doing so, so much that it is common for other women to feel the need to say, "Trust me, you will be begging for it"? (side note: although I have resorted to not sharing my plans, as to avoid this type of negative energy)
Re: What makes the difference?
With my DD, I was determined to go med free. My mom and stepdad are both midwives; I was very well-informed. I was delivering at a birth center with midwives and my sister was my doula. I'd read Your Best Birth and Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. I was very confident in my ability to give birth naturally.
However, I woke up in labor after only 3 hours of sleep one night and was unable to go back to sleep. Being tired made my labor much more difficult.
Labor began around 2am and I got to the birth center around noon. I was 3cm dilated at that point, but contractions were lasting a full minute and coming about 3 minutes apart. Fast forward to about 9pm and I was still only 3cm. At this point, I was screaming through every contraction and writing in pain. They had been coming every 2-3 minutes and lasting 60-90 seconds each. I'd had no break and was making no progress. My daughter was OP and still had not dropped down. All day, I'd been walking the stairs, changing positions, doing everything I was supposed to do. I was so discouraged.
By midnight and still only 4cm dilated, my MW decided that we really needed to transfer to the hospital so that I could get an epidural and give my body some rest. I got to the hospital, got the epidural and fell immediately asleep for 4 hours. When I woke up, I was 10cm, my daughter had turned and I pushed her out in 35 minutes.
In my case, I really think it was the situation (my daughter being OP and not dropping despite nonstop, strong contractions coming every few minutes for hours and hours) that led to me ultimately needing an epidural. My situation was definitely not typical.
I do hope to go med free this time around, and I use the fact that I did manage about 24 hours of very intense labor unmedicated, even on 3 hours of sleep, as motivation to do so.
Well...I was at a freestanding birth center so there were NO drugs available. If I would have wanted an epidural or other pain relief we would have literally had to get up, walk out and drive to the hospital or walk to the other hospital across the road. There was no way I was getting out of the water, getting dressed and doing that lol. I will say it hurt more than I thought it would and I wasn't quite prepared for that pain. I took birthing class but next time I hope to do hynobirthing and get a doula.
But, honestly, I think a lot of it sometimes comes down to luck. Some women do everything the way they feel is right/safest and baby's heartrate can drop dangerously low, or suddenly flip to breech, or mom can start hemmoraging, etc... I'm not trying to sound scary. Just saying that as well prepared as any of us can be, sometimes it is also a bit of luck that gets the the birth experience we are hoping for. I wanted nothing more than to be able to deliver med free with my MW at the birthcenter which I was able to do. What I didn't bargain for was uterine atony which caused me to continuously bleed after delivery and required a transfer to the hospital as well as a newborn who had to go to NICU for 5 days. So I consider myself somewhere in between getting that awesome experience I hoped for, and getting stuck with a traumatic situation that I didn't expect. Still, hoping for another med-free birth in future and no complications!
You sound really prepared. Just think positive thoughts and know that no matter what happens you're strong enough to handle it. Good luck!
Loss #6 2014 Loss #7 (chemical) 2014
~DS Born! 2009~
~DD Born! 2013~
For me the biggest thing that helped me go natural was my mindset. I mentally prepared myself for a natural birth. Every day I told myself, L&D is going to be painful, it is going to be the hardest thing I have ever done, but I can get though the pain. I was able to handle each contraction with no problem. Yes, it was hard and it did hurt but I never asked for an epi. My DH and my doula were also a big help. They were alble to rub my back, wipe my brow, and give me positive encouragement.
I think a lot of women are not mentally prepared for the pain of L&D and do not have an excellent support system. They go into labor and get overwhelmed. By having a partner/supportive person telling them that they can do it, they believe they can do it and they do have a natural birth. As for the negative comments, I got those all the time to. I think many women judge other women as mothers and as individuals. Maybe they subconsciously feel like they are being judged for having an epi or that because they could not go natural, then no one can. I wish more women would just be supportive of each other! There is no wrong way to have a baby, as long as the LO is delivered safely!
First: I was scared of the side effects of the meds (possible spinal headache with epi, vomiting/crawling skin with others)...I'd rather deal with labor and then be pain/side effect free when the baby got there
Second: I did lots and lots and lots of research and reading and was very inspired by other women's birth stories (Ina May's Guide to Childbirth the first part was awesome!)
Third: I told them I wanted nothing and for pain meds to be completely off the table.
There was one point when I looked at my hubby and said that I wanted to be checked, and if I hadn't made any progress that I would ask for something...I was 7 cm and went from 7 to 10 in about 30 minutes. It was the transition talking just like I had read about! ;o)
"You can do anything for a day" "Relax and open" "Come on out, baby" ...those were my mantras ;o)
In my experience, I got the "trust me, you'll be begging for an epi" comments from women who got an epidural and never considered any other alternative. I think there is part of human nature that wants others to make the same choices we made so that we feel validated in the choices we have made.
Anyway, there were a couple things that made the difference for me in both of my med free births, but particularly the first one. We took Bradley classes and I felt so well-educated as to what my body was going through during the birthing process that it really helped to take the fear away from me. It really helped me to understand what "pain with a purpose" means. My husband's verbal support during and in between contractions was very important. Being at a natural birth friendly hospital where my birth plan was respected and supported was important. And in the end, sheer willpower and stubbornness on my part made a difference. Believe me, I had a glimpse into thinking at times, "why am I doing this, I don't have to do it this way", but I would immediately shut my brain off from those thoughts and remind myself of all the mantras I had rehearsed before: "your body was made to do this", etc.
Good Luck to you!
Being committed. I went in the first time with a "ill see how it goes" attitde.
Education/being prepared: Understanding labors natural process, when/why interventions may be offered and when they are actually necessary vs. just convenient for the dr/mw etc. This step does NOT have to include classes, IMO.
A supportive birth team, starting with your PROVIDER. Find a practice who is supportive of natural birth, and if possible, someone whose patients USUALLY go med free. Then, of course, get your partner on board... Make sure they know the reasons you want to go med free, and talk about what you think will be a challenge they can help you get through it. I didn't have a doula, but my BFF and former LD nurse was there to help.
Trying for #2 since July 2010
BFP 8/1/10, missed m/c, D&C 9/15/10.
BFP 1/8/11, chemical pregnancy.
BFP 3/4/11, measured behind all along, no more HB 4/18/11. D&C 4/29/11. HCG didn't drop, Repeat D&C 6/17/11; confirmed molar pregnancy 6/23/11.
Forced break, including two Hysteroscopies in October to remove retained tissue.
BFP 12/29/11! Betas @ 10 dpo = 85, 14 dpo= 498, 22 dpo = 7242
Heard HB 1/24/12. 144 bpm!
Luca Rose born 9/9/12! More than worth the wait!
Honestly, I kind of think the 'difference' had a lot to do with luck, or good fortune.
I have had 3 natural births (DS1: water birth in hospital attached BC; DD: in a hospital on the bed; DS2: water birth at free standing BC). I did a lot to prepare mentally and emotionally. I didn't consider the epidural an option and it truly never crossed my mind (well, maybe once in labor with DD). I think it was important that my first birth was in a birth center that didn't offer epis, so it wasn't an option. They also let me labor at a pace I was comfortable with (15 hours at home and then 15 hours at the BC). So after I had done it the first time I was better prepared to do it again.
But I've had friends be really prepared for natural childbirth and ready for it and ended up getting the epi for some reason or another, not even necessarily for pain. One friend in particular just wasn't dilating for a long time once labor began and she decided to get the epi just so her body could relax. Indeed it did and she dilated very fast after that. For whatever reason, her body was too tense to dilate, and for her at that moment, the epi was the best choice.
I believe I prepared myself well and laid the ground work for a successful natural birth (having the support I did, choosing to labor where I did, etc), but I also feel very lucky that things went as well as they did, in all 3 deliveries.
I love your siggy! I feel like my LO says that to me all the time!
For me, the difference was getting through transition and getting to pushing and finding out that pushing hurt more than transition. I ran out of energy and ultimately asked for the epi. I was floored because I had read a lot and practiced breathing and had gotten through transition. I thought I could do anything! I guess what I'm saying is that sometimes women hit a different wall than they thought they would.
In any case, I'm still planning to go med free when I get pregnant again and this time I'm going to be prepared for the possibility of pushing hurting more and really save my strength for that instead of transition.
Sometimes, I'm hilarious.
I definitely agree with luck, in terms of length of labour because I think in many ways it's the exhaustion that gets you more so than the pain.
I relatively short labours in terms of the active part 7hrs and then 2 1/2 hrs, but had reasonably lengthy early labours. So in that time, I napped, kept hydrated and snacked.
So I kind of went into the active part as well rested as possible.
In terms of mindset to drugs, I agree with pp about taking drugs off the table. I went into it happy to use nitrous oxide, but not wanting the epi. My MW offered me the nitrous long before I would have asked for it, and I took it. She never offered me the epi, and it never occurred to me to ask.
At the same time, however, I wasn't thinking "God I wish I could have the epi" and fighting back asking for it. I truly never thought about wanting or needing it. I never hit that wall. I think a lot of that is luck. I cannot know if my experience was more or less painful than anyone elses.
Good luck with your birth.
Elizabeth 5yrs old Jane 3yrs old
My experience was completely different than PP's, but my story may help you...
I had every intention of taking every drug they were willing to give me (that wouldn't harm my baby of course). I wanted to feel no pain. Well, that plan changed very fast! My water broke at 2:00am - 6 weeks early. I had no bags packed! My husband and I spent the next hour or so trying to figure out if I had peed my pants or if my water broke and packing a bag - then the contractions started. After my first contraction, they came every minute and they were strong! We left the house around 3:00. We got to the hospital at 3:20. My son was born at 3:45!! So, clearly, drugs were not an option. I never got so much as a tylenol or an IV - it was to late!
The pain was nowhere near what I would have expected - and I am a wimp! LOL I never would have ever considered a med free labor, but now will plan to have one for my next baby. Now, I know my situation was "easy" but seriously, the actual birth was not that bad. Had I had to go through contractions for 20 hours or something - I would have very likely taken the drugs - they were the worst part to me.
Good luck - You can do it!
I'd say 80% of people I told replied "oh you'll get the drugs when you feel the first contraction". That really bugged me. I have a high pain tolerance as it was so I KNEW I could do it. I also knew a lot of it would be mental which it was.I wanted to be able to say I could do it.
For me one of the big things about going med free is I am ALWAYS lumped in that group when they say " only 1% of people get these side effects' ....I always get them. To me, I know it was going to hurt, so why make my body more miserable adding in side effects too.
It helped that I had an OB who was very natural friendly and went to a hospital with a very low C-section rate and a lot of natural coping methods. The only way I would have gotten drugs would have been if baby needed out ASAP and I needed a C-secion.
DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)
The difference for me was support, confidence, and a little bit a luck : )
With DS1 honestly I wanted to and could have done it. However, when I got to the hospital the OB and staff were very unsupportive. DH and I had been up since 11:30pm and it was 6am and I was exhausted. I was not confident enough in birthing or my decision to fight for it. I gave into an epidural mainly because of exhaustion not pain. They told me I could sleep if I got it. That ended up not being true because my baby was born a 1.5 later.
With DS2 I had tons of new mommy friends and a lot that had gone med-free. I was much more confident and trusted myself more than the staff. The OB I got was great and my labor was 4.5 hours total, so all that helped make it a success.
This time I am bringing in support people just in case my labor is really long and delivering at a more supportive hospital.
Good luck with your delivery I hope you get the experience you want!!
Natural M/c 12/13/08 at 8w5d
For me it was a lot of things. I had planned to be at a freestanding birth center. I went into labor and had erratic contactions/prodromal labor for 3 days. I would lie down to sleep and they'd be 5 minutes apart. I'd get up and they'd stop. For three days. I called my MW and she had me come in and I was at 2 cm. They did an NST and DD wasn't responding the way they'd like so I was transferred to the hospital.
It all went down hill from there until I had a c/s. I guess for me, I couldn't do it because LO was malpositioned. I didn't really have much pain because I never even got past 4 cm. There were no interventions-just from the birth center to c/s in about 7 hours. I guess better understanding of how to get LO to move in labor would have helped, though by that point my fluid was pretty low, so I'm not sure she'd have moved anyway. I trusted my midwives judgement that we did what was needed. It sucked.
This was my first labor, except I got to the hospital at 8 cms after 10 hours of laboring at home. Several hours later I was still an 8, plus DD1 was not tolerating labor well. Ended in a c-section.
With DD2, I went into labor around 8 in the evening and did not rest at all (got to hospital at 7am). I knew she was also OP so on the way to the hospital I decided to get the epi 1. so I could rest and 2. in case this led to an eventual c-section. I was much less gung-ho on a natural birth the second time because it was more important to have a VBAC. In the end my labor with DD2 was night and day compared to her big sister. (and I DID get my VBAC!)
IF we have another child I may attempt to go med-free. IF we have another baby, I hope that one is not OP and decides to come after I've had a full night's rest
One is mindset. For me, medication is not an option unless it is medically necessary (which I think of as "needed to save a life"). That's my mindset. And having chosen that mindset, I made other decisions to support it. One of those is having homebirths. Obviously, an epi isn't available here at home.
Also, having and amazing midwife team and amazing support partner in DH (who reads me so well). They understand my needs, wants, and can make suggestions when I am not thinking clearly.
FWIW, with J. I did declare "I can't take this anymore! Take me to the hospital!!!" To be fair, looking back, I had been fighting pushing contractions. As a FTM, I didn't recognize the change in contractions. That's when I had my only cervical check and I was 10 cm.
Also, though I read about natural birth ahead of time, I never really pictured myself in labor. So I went in with a go with the flow mentality regarding pretty much everything except medication. That is, if something wasn't working/helping, I wasn't disappointed because my expectations weren't met.
GL!
The difference for me was that I did not give myself permission to wimp out. If I NEEDED pain relief I would allow myself to have it, but because of that criteria I found myself not reaching a point where I needed the medication.
Obviously give yourself a pass for medically necessary changes to your plan but remember, only deviate from your goal if you NEED to. The way you think going into labor/birth will have a profound impact on the outcome.
I feel I can answer your question really well because I was the FTM who said I'd give it a try and I really wanted a natural birth but I did NOT prepare whatsoever. I knew nothing. Once the contractions got intense I started hyperventilating (holding my breath) and couldn't breathe. Why? Because I was scared of the intensity, not necessarily the pain. Scared of the whole idea of birth, really.
Same with my second. By my third birth I decided I was ALL IN. I had to commit. I also had a hospital birth with a midwife. I was disappointed my MW wasn't as hands-on in helping me with pain-relief technique, though, so I HIGHLY recommend a doula that you've interviewed and love! Statistics show that it greatly improves the success of having a natural birth. (I realize you hired one; this is kind of said for others who may read this.)
What made the difference between my first two epidural births and my last two natural births is that I prepared. That I had a midwife on board with my preferences (though there ARE good OBs out there as well, though they're harder to find it seems) and I practiced breathing BEFORE birth. I also told my husband, "Remind me to breathe!" That was the most important. When a contraction came I needed to be reminded to breathe.
So the reason for my epidurals was that I felt I couldn't and I gave up pretty early in the game. I had to have the conviction and the drive and the passion to have a natural birth in order to make it work. The best part? I DID IT! It did NOT defeat nor kill me. I survived and I will tell you right now there is NOTHING like the birth high after having a baby without drugs. It is night and day difference.
With my epidurals I was vomiting and a swollen, nasty mess. I looked drugged (well I was) and I had weird pains from the epidural and the catheter and I was tied to the bed with monitors. I felt like a science experiment. With my natural births I was FREE! I was alive. I felt my babies' births. I felt the rush of hormones and love. I found out more about myself and who I am in my most vulnerable moments. It was just so amazing. I can't gush about it enough!
I think there are two main factors, one that you can control and one that you cannot. The one you can control is the support system for the laboring woman (from spouse/birth partner, OB/midwife, nurses, doula etc). Having everyone "on your side" so to speak can make all the difference in the world. Birth can be pretty intense, no matter how much you prepare and if you have people pushing drugs on you and saying you can't do, chances are you'll take them.
The part you can't control is how your labor will actually progress. If you have an nice, normal "easy" (lol) labor, then chances are if you're prepared and have good support you can make it through just fine. But there are things that can go wrong, or not even wrong but will make it that much harder. Having a posterior baby, for example, will make labor a lot more difficult. My second was posterior and if I hadn't been at home, I'm sure I would have asked for an epi. Or if you have a very long labor that can make things more difficult as well.
Like some OP's mention, if you're not ready for it chances are you'll end up with an epi. Even a normal birth can be very scary if you're not mentally ready for it. My thought going into my births was that I would prepare myself in every way I could to have a successful med free experience, but I had to accept that there were many situations outside of my control that might change the outcome and making peace with that helped me a lot.