I've been lurking for a few weeks mustering up the strength to admit that I belong over here. DH had multiple surgeries following metastasized testicular cancer, but we were so lucky to get pregnant with DS on our first cycle trying. DS just turned 2 and we have been trying for #2 for a year this month. After bloodwork, multiple ultrasounds, HSG (which confirmed a prior diagnosis of bicorniate uterus and semi attached right tube), and an SA for DH, we found out he has >1% sperm count with 0% motility. He is finalizing his second SA this week and additional blood tests, but the outlook is bleak. I had to stop charting/temping this past month to keep my sanity. Looking at dropping temps and BFN's every month was just too much to take.
Our only hope for a biological child would be IVF with ICSI and possible TESA. It's not only an overwhelming amount of information to consider, but the cost could spiral. With minimal IF coverage, we find ourselves wondering if this is the best use of $20K+... Rationally, no. But I know our family is not complete and emotionally, I'd give every cent to make it happen.
Family and friends have started the barrage of "So, when are you going to start working on #2? It's about time for another!" Yes, we know all too well. We're devistated. It takes everything I have not to scream at someone "We're barren and can't have another one!!!" Because, really, no one wants to hear that. The distant smile, dismissive nod and "we'll see" are constant in every conversation I have lately. I'm so in love with DS and so grateful to have him. But, if DH says one more time "We should be happy with what we have. Why temp fate?"...I just might punch him.
Thanks for letting me dump. I know this is the place for me. To know that there are others that understand that it's not about being ungrateful for what you do have, but rather mourning what you might not, is so helpful.