Loss Check-In

Mrs Nice · October 2012

Hello Ladies,Welcome to our Thursday Check-In! Sorry it's a little late this week.I am sorry to have to welcome new loss moms this week but am so glad that you have found us. I hope we can bring each other some much needed comfort and support. Please feel free to join in when you are ready and share as much or as little as you wish. Also, if you have any questions you would like answered, just ask! Any lurkers out there please don't be shy, we would like to be able to support you too.Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?QOTW: Has your loss affected any relationships you have in your family? How?Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

Williamandshawnna · October 2012

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

I tried. a big step will be to get rid of this hip and leg pain, but... I went back to the neurologist after my MRI just for him to be 30 minutes behind when I was his first appointment. How does that make sense? On top of that, he just gave me the name of an orthopedic. Seriously!!! Ughh and then told me to come back in 6 weeks.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

To see this orthopedic, maybe get a second opinion and attempt to deal with the holidays. I want nothing to do with the holidays, but in the back of my mind I keep thinking that I need to do something to honor our sons.

QOTW: Has your loss affected any relationships you have in your family? How?

Not really, some have gotten stronger, but none have gotten worse.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

Today is 4 months since we lost our sons, and it sucks!

Bayberry12 · October 2012

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

I went to see my in-laws this past weekend. This was only the second time I have see them since my loss. I was proud of myself for holding it together and not crying in front of them again, while they talk about their other granddaughters. It was also the 6 month mark of Stella's birth, no one mentioned anything, not even my husband.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

I don't really have a goal set. Still working on losing weight, and trying to eat healthy.

QOTW: Has your loss affected any relationships you have in your family? How?

I basically shut down and everyone left me alone. Especially my mom. I know she wants to give me and DH our space, so she doesn't contact me at all, and then will get upset that I don't contact her. But really I don't call anyone anymore. Maybe that should be a goal, start reaching out to family.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

The holidays. I wish I could just skip this whole year. Things were so different this time last year, we had so much to look forward to then. My husband suggested spending Thanksgiving at home this year, we have never spent a Thanksgiving in our own home. This might be what we end up doing, even though just the two of us alone sounds so pathetic.

OSUWifey09 · October 2012

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? Meh. Not really. I feel more like myself again, but I haven't really done anything different. I think the grief is just becoming a little bit less all-consuming.
What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? TTC is on the table again - we're starting in December. I'm so scared...scared to talk about it, scared to expect to get pregnant again, scared of how I'll be if we get a BFN the first time around...I miss the days when I was so carefree about everything.
QOTW: Has your loss affected any relationships you have in your family? How? My sister and I are closer. My dad and I are closer, too. I think my mom and I are a little strained, but she took Devon's loss almost as hard as I did. Before losing him, I'd never seen her cry as much as she did the day we went to the funeral home to say good bye. My mom and I are so much alike and grieve in the same way as well, so I know this hasn't been easy for her. Just been a weird dynamic lately.
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? I actually feel OK about the holidays this year. I thought I would have some sort of freak out about the holidays and not having Devon, but I'm doing OK. Everyone around me has been so sensitive and supportive about everything that it's hard for me to be sad because everyone's helping me remember him in a bright light. I think that's helping me not feel so overwhelmed about our first holiday season without him.

karebear57 · October 2012

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?No, just idk feel numb, idk.
What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?I hope to start trying in a couple of weeks, if I get my stupid af. It figures, as soon as I figure out when to start it acts all wacky and stupid (it's always done this from time to time before).
QOTW: Has your loss affected any relationships you have in your family? How?Nothing really changed for the worse with my family. Just my sis was not too understanding before. When I talked to my dad the day before Bri's 1st "bday" he didn't remember. But FWIW, he has trouble remembering my boy's bdays (even mine!)
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?I want a baby real bad...

fluttergirlmoonchild79 · October 2012

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?Trying to stay positive and remember the wonderful times as Corbin's birthday approaches this Sunday. I know I'll still be sad but I want to remember that the day he was born was the greatest day of our lives.
What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?Going to try counseling again. I tried it before but the woman wasn't specific to grief and she typed the entire time I talked. I went 3 times and the 3rd time I went I was having a good day so she actually said for the follow-up appointment "I'll see you when I see you!" Our IRL Loss Group leader suggested someone so I'm going to set an appointment
QOTW: Has your loss affected any relationships you have in your family? How?My parents have been great, I'm super pissed at my brother. DH's parents have been about the same and as you can see from a previous post I'm extremely pissed at my BIL
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?Vacation, vacation, vacation. When we booked it in February it seemed so far away. Can't believe we leave in 3 days!

jbranden12 · October 2012

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?I have been talking more and more about Patricia and my pregnancy with her with my friends and family without breaking down. I still have really difficult moments, but I'm starting to incorporate her life and death into my and our family's story.
What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?No goals right now. Day by day.
QOTW: Has your loss affected any relationships you have in your family? How?I feel closer to my immediate family (mom, dad, big bro). They were all really there for me when we lost Patricia. They let me see them cry and grieve and that was such a gift.
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?Tomorrow I am returning to my college campus for Homecoming. I am a little nervous. My rainbow pregnancy is showing and I want people to know that this LO has a big sister. I am going to practice some responses tonight.

lolee465 · October 2012

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

No, just trying to take everything day by day.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? I don't really have any goals. I have an appointment with a MFM to talk about my future options next week. I'm kind of excited for that appointment, but I know it will be hard to get through.

QOTW: Has your loss affected any relationships you have in your family? How?

Yea, some people it has made me closer to..but some people it has made our relationship worse. There are some people who I thought I could turn to, but it turns out no matter what they're good intentions are..they just don't understand.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

Just thinking about our MFM appointment, and hoping to be able to start TTC next month. I just need to focus on something that gives me hope..

buggirl72 · October 2012

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

I picked up Zachary's remains today. It was bothering me that he was still at the home. DH was originally planning on picking him up but could not do it. The thought of seeing the little box freaked him out.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

Trying to decide what to do with the remains.

QOTW: Has your loss affected any relationships you have in your family? How?

I can't say that it has affected any relationships. My sister keeps sending me annoying things that are well-meaning (links to books she has read and stuff like that) but that is actually fairly normal - just a new topic.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

Picking up Zachary's remains was the big thing and I am glad it is done. I'm okay with the remains staying in the house until we decide on the perfect place but I'm not sure how well DH will handle it. He told me he was okay knowing the box was here but we will see.

tuscanbride2007 · October 2012

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

No.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

To get through the holidays, especially with my newborn niece there. No idea how I am going to accomplish this.

QOTW: Has your loss affected any relationships you have in your family? How?

I have always been close with my MIL (I am her first DIL but she considers me the daughter she never had). I feel like it has strengthened our relationship even more. It has strained my relationship with my SIL. She has never actually said anything since we lost Annabelle.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

My niece was born today. My BIL and SIL didn't learn the sex until today. I kept hoping that they would have had a boy! This is also the SIL that has avoided saying anything to me. Needless to say, today has been a bit rough.

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