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Parenting
thetwinkies&Vivi
member
Is this a Southern thing?
thetwinkies&Vivi
member
in Parenting
Title for mobile users: Is this a Southern thing?
I was born,raised,and live in the South. Sometimes I'm not the best judge of etiquette because I've grown up with traditional Southern hospitality being expected. DH says its not always the norm every where else.
This morning MIL is visiting. DH was in the family room with DD1 and one of the babies, while I was in the kitchen making breakfast and the other baby was in our bedroom. MIL just sauntered on into our bedroom and picked up the baby and then came back out with her,all with out asking. I was shocked and bothered. I was taught to never go in someone's bedroom without asking,especially if that person isn't in the room to see what you're doing.
MIL wasn't raised in the South. We do not have a very close relationship mainly due to a lot of issues with her being very peculiar and rude to me. So Parenting board, is it cool to walk in someone's room without permission (especially without them in there)? Am I just being fussy or would that bother you as well?
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Re: Is this a Southern thing?
I'm not southern & that would be NBD to me.
Personally, I'd be annoyed. I would never go into someone's bedroom without them or at least without getting permission first. Was the baby crying?
ETA: I was raised in the South and in Canada. I think it's just a polite society thing.
Not southern, and would totally be the norm in my family. We're close like that, I guess. It wouldn't bother me in the slightest.
Then again, when I know company is coming (family or friends), I clean everywhere, for cases like that.
I don't see the baby as an excuse. I would have wanted MIL to say, "Oh is DC in the bedroom? Can I go get her?" to which I probably would have responded, "Oh, hang on, I'll get him/her for you."
Was the baby crying? Sleeping?
I'd be more pissed if she went in and got my sleeping baby up than just her going into my bedroom to get one of my babies.
I go into my parents and ILs bedrooms all the time and they go in ours.
If anyone else did though it would weird me out.
I think it's a manners thing.
I would never go into someone's bedroom. I don't even sit on someones couch unless I am invited to do so.
I am not Southern.
BFP 1- EDD 2/09/11 Missed MC DX @11 weeks D&C- 7/25/10 BFP 2- EDD 12/22/11 Natural MC @ 5w 2d BFP 3- EDD 1/25/12 DD Josephine born 1/16/12
Baby wasn't crying, I don't have a big issue with her picking up the baby. It's more the fact that I wish she would have at least said "hey, I'm going to get the baby." the room was perfectly clean so I wasn't worried about that,more just odd to me.
Theres a bit of back story with MIL & FIL wandering through bedrooms and an incident where they are no longer invited to my grandmothers and mothers house. It could be I'm over sensitive about it due to that. Just wanted to know if the actual behavior was a social norm or varied.
ETA: MIL is from Texas and lived in Oklahoma.
I would agree that going into someone's bedroom without asking is rude. (I was raised in Missouri. Depending on who you ask, it may or may not be the South.)
That being said, I think a lot of grandmas take liberties that other house guests wouldn't dream of taking.
Burned by the Bear
Aww, helll no.
That isn't considered South?
I'm from the midwest, and I don't go into people's bedrooms unless I have a specific purpose. In this case, I'd be ok with MIL going into my room if the baby was there crying, but I'd expect her to come right out. If the baby wasn't crying, I'd wonder WTF was going through her head.
I guess if there is a real reason, I don't have a problem with it.
Like when I go to my aunt's house, I'll go into my aunt's room to put my coat on the bed or something, but I'm not going to hang out in there. I even lived with her for a while, but it's still uncomfortable to just walk into someone else's room. I feel awkward in other people's rooms.
Malcolm
Well,not to me,no. I guess to me the "south" is SC,GA,AL,MS,TN,NC etc.
ETA: I guess depending on where you look/who you ask, it'd be considered southwest. Being from MN, I consider anything south of Kansas or Missouri to be south. LOL
I'll be the first to admit being born and raised here and not spending much time away can lead to being narrow minded when considerIng things like geography and social norms.
ETA: FL seems like its own deal to me,much more progressive and international. TX and OK as well seem much different. Perhaps using South East would have been a better choice.
I am not Southern and that would bother the heck out of me! My bedroom is my private area that I share with my husband and I hate anyone going in there unless invited.
Side story - My SIL has major boundaries issues and needs to be the center of attention. At my son's last birthday party she sudden fell "ill". Next thing I know she disappears but I was busy with the party so I didn't think too much of it. I needed to go to our bedroom for something and found her laying in my bed under my covers!! It was all I could do to not completely lose it on her in the middle of my son's party. Then afterwards she was all butthurt that I was pissed. And for the record, she was staying at a hotel about 5 minutes away. There was no reason if she was that "ill" that someone couldn't have taken her back to her hotel.
Sorry for the vent lol!!
ETA: Breaking up wall 'o text.
Yeah, I would loose my mind over that. Eww.
I would be very annoyed that she went in and got a baby that wasn't even crying without asking first. What if the baby really needed a nap? I get really angry when people mess with my kid's schedule.
I would also be really creeped out by someone going into my room if the door was closed. If it was open, then NBD, but closed= not part of the house tour, ya know.
This is how I've always viewed it.
I'm Canadian and I would never enter part of someone's house I hadn't been invited to enter, especially the bedroom. When I am at someone's home I will ask before using their restroom.
The exception is family although even with family I would not walk into their bedroom without being asked.
I'm Canadian and I would never enter part of someone's house I hadn't been invited to enter, especially the bedroom. When I am at someone's home I will ask before using their restroom.
The exception is family although even with family I would not walk into their bedroom without being asked.
She went in to get the baby? I don't see it as a big deal at all...
Charlotte Ella 07.16.10
Emmeline Grace 03.27.13
Yeah, I wasn't blaming it on her being Canadian. My mom is also Canadian and she doesn't even stay in our house when she comes to visit. I don't think she's ever been in my upstairs let alone bedroom. I really think it comes down to personalities.
Yeah, same here. All those pp's that are saying it's nbd b/c she went to get the baby - she was not asked to get the baby and she did not ask to get the baby.
I'm in Canada and I don't like people going in my bedroom without asking and I don't go in other people's bedrooms without asking.
bfp#4 3/19/2014 edd 12/1/2014 please let this be the one!
beta @ 5w0d = 12,026! u/s 4/22/14 @ 8w1d it's twins!
WHAT? No wonder I've always been confused about the mid west. It's not west at all!
bfp#4 3/19/2014 edd 12/1/2014 please let this be the one!
beta @ 5w0d = 12,026! u/s 4/22/14 @ 8w1d it's twins!
Well, I'm Southern, so take this with a grain of salt--but I think this is very much a common courtesy/respect of privacy thing, not a regional thing. Bedrooms are private, yo. Not to mention, our master bedroom is the very last place I clean and some weeks I don't bother to clean at all beyond changing sheets.
Yeah,that's a bit different than I've always envisoined it.
Also,I didn't mean to imply only "Southerners" have manners if that's how it seemed. Just trying to check myself.