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Crying and attachment

askvacekaskvacek
in Babies: 0 - 3 Months
My little guy goes from content to screaming in 2 seconds. While annoying at home, it's no big deal, but my real issue is in the car. We live in a big congested city ( Houston) and sometimes we get stuck in traffic and I can't soothe him. It's not always safe to pull over to feed or pacify him. I'm just wondering how long is too long for him to cry before he is scarred. It kills me when I'm stuck on the highway or in a bad neighborhood where I don't feel safe pulling over, but at the same time he gets so worked up that his voice cracks and sometimes he spits up. He is all red and hot, and I just snatch him out of his carrier and just rock him. Both of us are crying at that point! 10 minutes has probably been the longest he's cried before I could soothe, maybe 15. Am I damaging him? Thanks for the advice.
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Re: Crying and attachment

  • Lili_hLili_h
    I have been there with DS, he would get all red and ended up looking like he was having some sort of allergic reaction, with a red rash all over his face. I found that white noise did the trick for me, I would take my iPhone and get the volume maxed out to the "white noise" application. The loud sound of water flowing or rain falling did the trick, a bit annoying for me to listen but better that hearing him cry his lungs out. That, or tune a no signal radio station and turn the volume all the way up. Or you can try Shhhhh'shing as loud as you can trick learned on The happiest baby on the block. Good luck!
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  • BDK807BDK807 member
    I don't think you are damaging him. While driving you can talk to him and make shhh sounds, even though you can't pick him up him hearing your voice lets him know he is not alone.

    I completely understand the feeling though. With twins there are times when they both are crying and I can't tend to both. I just talk and shhh to reassure them I am there and will get to them as soon as I can.
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  • HyalineHyaline member

    I really don't think you can scar him emotionally by having to delay soothing him for fifteen minutes or even more.  Delaying is an exception, not a rule, and I think that children who have emotional problems from having their cries ignored as babies are chronically ignored, not delayed once in a while.  Remind yourself when this happens that while his crying is emotionally nerve-wracking for you, the most important thing you can do in that moment is keep driving and stay safe.  You're being a good mom if you keep him safe in the car--if that's your priority and you're doing it, maybe it will help you feel less guilty about not soothing him right away?

    Also--the white noise thing works!  DD started to fuss in the car yesterday and I tuned in static and turned it up--she quieted right away.  I think the trick, though, is to use it early.  If I wait until she's full-blown flipping out, it's too late. 

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  • CejimlCejiml member
    I turn on an AM station loud and then jiggle the car seat and it usually calms DD. my arm is killing me by the end of it lol but it works.
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  • Tash13Tash13 member
    My DS hated the car from 6 weeks to 6 months.  At the time we lived in a very remote area and had to drive over an hour for a Target, Walmart, Costco, etc.  Sometimes we had no choice but to let him cry.  I'd usually stop every half hour or so to calm him down but he'd start up again as soon as he was put in the carseat.  He's a perfectly happy, well-rounded 4 year old now so I guess it didn't cause any damage that we've noticed.  The bright side is that he did outgrow it so there's hope!
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