Coping...

katyms7 · October 2012

Hello,

My husband and I lost our first son 6 days after being delivered at full term about 9 weeks ago. I have since returned back to work about 3 weeks ago. I work in healthcare and I am have trouble being empathetic towards my patients. Before my loss I was always extremely caring. Now I feel like I am at the opposite end and having trouble feeling any sort of empathy for my patients. Don't get me wrong, I still put all my thought, care, and expertise in caring for my patients but I nothing seems to get me sad anymore. I feel like I have become a person who people feel I don't care because I am at a loss of emotions at all times.

Anyone else work in healthcare or have any suggestions to help my empathy towards others back? I feel like I have become "numb".

Thanks in advance for any suggestions.

dandywarhol · October 2012

I'm so sorry for your loss and sorry to have to welcome you here considering the circumstances. Did you name your son? I don't work in healthcare so I can't directly speak to your situation. The only thing I can say is that your loss is still new and you're still grieving. I think your empathy will return it is just going to take time and isn't something that can be rushed. Be gentle with yourself. If other people have issues with how you appear to be feeling well then that is their problem. Another thought would be using your healing process to connect with your patients. Letting them know that you're hurting/mad/scared/upset/sad/numb and sympathize with their concerns.

Mommy2dandm · October 2012

I don't work in healthcare but I wanted to tell you how sorry I am for your loss. I lost my son two weeks ago and I dread going back to teaching. As much as I know I have to, I just can't imagine. I am hoping the closer I get to going back, the idea will be easier. Be gentle on yourself.

jbranden12 · October 2012

I am so sorry for your loss. When we lost our first daughter in March, I was working in mental health. I went back to counseling 10 days after she was born. It was difficult. In the beginning, when I was still sort of in shock, I think I was able to empathize even more with my clients. My emotions were all out in the open. I was sad for myself, sad for what my clients were experiencing, and had no trouble connecting. As time moved on and I became more angry about what happened to my family and less tolerant of other people's "small" problems, I was not able to be as effective and I am no longer counseling.

I do try to remind myself constantly that just because someone hasn't lost a child like I have, their problems are still real to them. Sometimes I'm jealous, but I was naive once too. I am slowly coming back to a place where I can empathize with people again, perhaps it just takes some time. I'm sorry that's not much advice! But I do understand what you are saying and I hope it gets better for you. ((hugs))

cmenasco · October 2012

I'm so sorry to welcome to our board, but welcome and big hugs to you. Sorry to hear about you son as well.

After our loss (at 26 weeks) I went back to work after a week....it was very soon, but I am the type of person that has to stay busy. I was worse at home alone when my husband went back to work, so for me it was good to get back to work. I am a Veterinarian so not 100% human health care, but close. The hardest part for me has been the quality of life discussion and then the act of putting an animal to sleep. It's been 3 months and I still can't put an animal to sleep with the owners present. It's too hard, to emotional, to personal. For now my employees know to just schedule them with another doctor. There are many days when I cry at my desk, but they are getting farther and farther in between. Good luck to you and again big hugs to you and your DH.

katyms7 · October 2012

Thank you for all of your help ladies. I am taking it easy on myself and taking my time easing back into things.

I am sorry we have to be here but so glad I have support.

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