Angry — The Bump
Dads & Dads-to-be

Angry

Okay, I need some advice here.

First off, we saw our baby's 1st sonogram yesterday - 6 weeks, 1 day, 112 bpm. Heard the heartbeat as well, absolutely breathtaking!!!

We haven't told really anyone yet except close friends & fam, so yesterday I come home and get on Facebook and my cousin declares on Facebook she's pregnant. Now keep in mind she's 12 weeks and has been in a relationship for 6 months. Me and the wife have been married for 7 months, TTC for 6+ months, been together nearly 4 years, and are only 6 weeks pregnant. I got immediately insanely mad and I don't know why. I also have another cousin who is not married, engaged, or anything but has a 5 month old daughter. I swear it seems like we (me and wife) are the only ones in our whole family who do everything right and it's the most difficult for us!

 Sorry, had to vent. Do I have a reason to be so angry?

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Re: Angry

  • Feel free to vent...it's cool.

    I could tell you the the always seems greener in someone else's yard, stay focused on your lane and the race ahead...yada, yada, yada, but I think you know all of those things. Anything and everything meant for you will come in time and when you are prepared to receive it. That's life, your job is to live it.

    But on this feed, vent.....usually we try not to be d#$%#ks, so the occasional honest post (at least from me) is always welcomed. 

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  • I feel that way from time to time with members of my own family.

    I try to remember doing the right thing is not something we do to get noticed, it is something we do for ourselves, and our family.

    Also, we cannot control how other people behave, nor can we control how other people respond to that behavior.

    But you are not alone in feeling that way at all.  We are all human and we can be driven by emotion over logic from time to time.

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  • You probably don't have much right to be angry.

    Six months of TTC is actually totally "average" if you are in your 30s. If you're in your late 20s it's definitely still in the fat part of the bell curve. I'm sympathetic to people who have a lot of challenges getting pregnant, but unless I'm missing part of the story (needed hormones? not your first time TTC?) I wouldn't exactly be shaking your fist at the universe because it took you 6 months. Definitely don't wander into some of the other boards around here bemoaning how long it took you.

    So then the question is are you angry because you feel like your thunder is being stolen by your cousins?  Most of the perks of doing things "the right way" come in terms of long term benefits. So perhaps you are annoyed they are reaping the same short term benefits you are but doing things "the wrong way"? Are you judgmental of your cousin who isn't married? (not clear if the babydaddy is in the picture and if it is one of those common law situations, or something more chaotic?)

    Anger is generally not a very constructive emotion in the long term. Try to focus on the joy of your upcoming baby and don't worry too much about what other people are doing.

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BhqjipgCIAAOz7H.jpg
    -My son was born in April 2012. He pretty much rules.
  • Okay, maybe I should have explained this one a little better lol. I'm not angry that it took us 6 months at all, I guess my point is that you do things right and everything and it happen to take us 6 months and we were trying. I "doubt" they were trying and it happened with them in only 3 months. I'm not trying to be judgemental so please don't think that, I was just annoyed that was all. I'm over it today it just bugged me last night. On another note, heard our little one's heartbeat for the first time yesterday, 6 weeks, 1 day and 112 bpm, it was an amazing sight and sound and i'm just awestruck at how amazing it was!
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  • I wouldn't let it get to you so much.

    Bottom line is, you and your wife are now expecting and that is what it is all about.  I know it feels as if people are stealing your thunder, but you know what... as long as the people who are most important are excited.

    Your child will very likely be born into a much more stable situation than your cousin's child.

    I get the need to vent, it happens.  We had a cousin who announced her pregnancy like 2 weeks before our wedding, and it stressed my wife out, but you know what?  It didn't matter in the grand scheme that she announced when she did.

  • Reason: no.

    Ok to feel angry: yes.

    Congratulations!

    promised myself I'd retire when I turned gold, and yet here I am

  • I think it's reasonable to have some emotions, bud... but anger is probably not one that you should be harboring or attempting to justify. The last thing you need/want when you're finally getting what you've been trying for is to devalue it with something as petty as envy, jealousy or even judgement on someone else's experience...  
     
    This is experience is yours, and yours alone (and the wife of course)  How you choose to enjoy it, or allow others to enjoy it along with you, is completely your call.  if you want to withhold some information,or time it, or in any way manage how your news is received, please, by all means do so to get the most enjoyment out of it as possible...  But keep in mind, others have the same right to do however they please, in whatever way they managed to get where they are... there is no "right way" or "wrong way"... :) 
     
    Let me put it in my perspective and maybe you'll feel a little better...  

    You can check my bio for the history if you like, but the short story is this -- I've gone through IVF 4 times with my ex-wife, through 12 YEARS of marriage, each one unsuccessful, and only one making it to 4 months. Your 6 month story would have been a blessing. I KNOW what its like to envy others who seemingly don't deserve the ease at which they've conceived. But i was wrong to think that way. Even resenting people who give their babies up for adoption when you're trying so hard is wrong.  It doesn't matter.  The only thing that matters is you and your partner, as nothing else but the two of you can make a difference in your own experience. 
     
     The fact is that you're there now.  Enjoy it.  Make the most of it.  My wife is terrified with her pregnancy, being high risk and having a poor history of miscarriage.  But you know what?  She's pregnant!  And she's made it farther than we have in the past.  I'm happy, and nobody else's experience is gonna change that.  

    My suggestion -- put some blinders on.  Focus on your wife, your baby and enjoy the moment.  Dont worry about anyone else.  Your thunder is your own, and while there may be some others out there ringing out with their own thunder, yours will ring loudly to the people who matter to you most.
     
    Congratulations,  Anth(ony?)!!  To your wife as well!
    - Hops (a.k.a Jon) BabyFetus Ticker Daisypath - Personal pictureDaisypath Anniversary tickers
  • I totally understand why you are angry, but keep this in mind: Your well paved road will pay off over time. Just wait, I am betting these couples are going to have a harder time down the road in their relationships then you, but you will also want to be supportive of them! So yes, try not to compare so much - but I do  understand your cousin kind of took your thunder. Hang in there and remember - celebrate! Your going to be a daddy!! Congrats!
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  • Total get being angry. My wife and I have been married 5 years - and my brother-in-law and his fiance chose a wedding day 1 day before ours next year.  Really ticked us off at first, as if they were infringing on something that was "ours."

    But then we got pregnant (just hit 5 weeks!) so we'll be stealing the show back when we show up with the first grandchild. So it all works out in the end. :)

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  • imagepolooo26:
    HA. Speaking of cousins getting pregnant I just found out yesterday my cousin has a 3 month old and nobody thought to tell me the news. He's 23 and he's taking care of the baby while his GF works. So think of it this way, at least you know when your cousins are having kids. 

    I am almost completely estranged from the cousins on one side of my family with one White Sheep exception. The rest are a bunch of addicts and violent crazies, who luckily live far away from me. The White Sheep gets a Christmas card and birthday wishes.

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BhqjipgCIAAOz7H.jpg
    -My son was born in April 2012. He pretty much rules.
  • Wait, so only people who do things "right" are allowed to announce the expansion of their families?

    *backs out of post* 

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