Angry
Okay, I need some advice here.
First off, we saw our baby's 1st sonogram yesterday - 6 weeks, 1 day, 112 bpm. Heard the heartbeat as well, absolutely breathtaking!!!
We haven't told really anyone yet except close friends & fam, so yesterday I come home and get on Facebook and my cousin declares on Facebook she's pregnant. Now keep in mind she's 12 weeks and has been in a relationship for 6 months. Me and the wife have been married for 7 months, TTC for 6+ months, been together nearly 4 years, and are only 6 weeks pregnant. I got immediately insanely mad and I don't know why. I also have another cousin who is not married, engaged, or anything but has a 5 month old daughter. I swear it seems like we (me and wife) are the only ones in our whole family who do everything right and it's the most difficult for us!
Sorry, had to vent. Do I have a reason to be so angry?
Re: Angry
Feel free to vent...it's cool.
I could tell you the the always seems greener in someone else's yard, stay focused on your lane and the race ahead...yada, yada, yada, but I think you know all of those things. Anything and everything meant for you will come in time and when you are prepared to receive it. That's life, your job is to live it.
But on this feed, vent.....usually we try not to be d#$%#ks, so the occasional honest post (at least from me) is always welcomed.
I feel that way from time to time with members of my own family.
I try to remember doing the right thing is not something we do to get noticed, it is something we do for ourselves, and our family.
Also, we cannot control how other people behave, nor can we control how other people respond to that behavior.
But you are not alone in feeling that way at all. We are all human and we can be driven by emotion over logic from time to time.
You probably don't have much right to be angry.
Six months of TTC is actually totally "average" if you are in your 30s. If you're in your late 20s it's definitely still in the fat part of the bell curve. I'm sympathetic to people who have a lot of challenges getting pregnant, but unless I'm missing part of the story (needed hormones? not your first time TTC?) I wouldn't exactly be shaking your fist at the universe because it took you 6 months. Definitely don't wander into some of the other boards around here bemoaning how long it took you.
So then the question is are you angry because you feel like your thunder is being stolen by your cousins? Most of the perks of doing things "the right way" come in terms of long term benefits. So perhaps you are annoyed they are reaping the same short term benefits you are but doing things "the wrong way"? Are you judgmental of your cousin who isn't married? (not clear if the babydaddy is in the picture and if it is one of those common law situations, or something more chaotic?)
Anger is generally not a very constructive emotion in the long term. Try to focus on the joy of your upcoming baby and don't worry too much about what other people are doing.
I wouldn't let it get to you so much.
Bottom line is, you and your wife are now expecting and that is what it is all about. I know it feels as if people are stealing your thunder, but you know what... as long as the people who are most important are excited.
Your child will very likely be born into a much more stable situation than your cousin's child.
I get the need to vent, it happens. We had a cousin who announced her pregnancy like 2 weeks before our wedding, and it stressed my wife out, but you know what? It didn't matter in the grand scheme that she announced when she did.
Reason: no.
Ok to feel angry: yes.
Congratulations!
You can check my bio for the history if you like, but the short story is this -- I've gone through IVF 4 times with my ex-wife, through 12 YEARS of marriage, each one unsuccessful, and only one making it to 4 months. Your 6 month story would have been a blessing. I KNOW what its like to envy others who seemingly don't deserve the ease at which they've conceived. But i was wrong to think that way. Even resenting people who give their babies up for adoption when you're trying so hard is wrong. It doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is you and your partner, as nothing else but the two of you can make a difference in your own experience.
My suggestion -- put some blinders on. Focus on your wife, your baby and enjoy the moment. Dont worry about anyone else. Your thunder is your own, and while there may be some others out there ringing out with their own thunder, yours will ring loudly to the people who matter to you most.
Total get being angry. My wife and I have been married 5 years - and my brother-in-law and his fiance chose a wedding day 1 day before ours next year. Really ticked us off at first, as if they were infringing on something that was "ours."
But then we got pregnant (just hit 5 weeks!) so we'll be stealing the show back when we show up with the first grandchild. So it all works out in the end.
I am almost completely estranged from the cousins on one side of my family with one White Sheep exception. The rest are a bunch of addicts and violent crazies, who luckily live far away from me. The White Sheep gets a Christmas card and birthday wishes.
Wait, so only people who do things "right" are allowed to announce the expansion of their families?
*backs out of post*
Avery - 8.2.07 | Asher - 5.12.10 | Audrey - 11.28.12