Is it not normal?

Eyre2 · October 2012

I say it all depends on your circle/family/friends. My husband and I are expecting our first together, which is my 2nd and his 1st. I have a 6 year old DS and we are having a DD in March. My family and his have been jumping up and down since the BFP to throw showers and we are so greatful! But of course in my family you have a shower for every baby!

penguingrrl · October 2012

In my circle second showers are just not done. We absolutely celebrate 2nd, 3rd, 4th babies, but we celebrate when the baby is here and consider the shower for the parents-to-be, not the baby. I also come from a superstitious family and my mom wasn't thrilled my ILs were throwing me a shower the first time around. In our family you don't celebrate a baby until s/he has arrived and is healthy. My mom's dad was an OB and her mom was a NICU nurse (and both trained in the 30s, so very old school mentality), so they unfortunately saw the worst and were afraid to celebrate until the danger was passed, which shaped how my family views those things today. When my grandmother was alive she didn't allow any baby items in the house until the baby was home and healthy (not even a single piece of clothing).

MrsCarroll.6-10-07 · October 2012

I had 1 for my 1st baby, didn't know the sex at the time. I didn't have one for my 2nd baby and we knew it was a girl. This time my friend is throwing me something and I'm letting her. She wants a party to be able to celebrate for me that's fine with me. She knows we don't need much and I don't want presents. I never had a "baby girl" shower or anything. I wasn't expecting it and didn't ask her to do this, if she wants to and people want to go then fine.

I just went to a shower for my friend's 3rd child a couple months ago and have been to loads of them before.

heon35 · October 2012

We always called the 2nd shower a sprinkle. It's not as big or as many guests ad your first. Usually it's an get together with no kids, just to relax for you. Small gifts and items you may need or not already have.

juicycute909 · October 2012

Based on the original question the comments were very rude in response to the poster. To some it can be tacky and to some it may be ok but the delivery has been all wrong. I think its a person's choice. I do not believe it is nice of the sister in law to give a side eye if someone wants a second shower. That is rude too. It is NORMAL to have a second shower, thats why so many people have them. It may not be NECESSARY, however a shower is obviously normal. I have never heard of a shower being to welcome you into mother hood rather than showering the mother due to a baby being on the way. But this is what shows its not cultural and its not a rule, its all an OPINION. Either way what ever floats ones boat is cool. I don't think its greedy because not everyone is asking for gifts. Some responses said a 2nd shower is tacky but in the same breath followed up with the fact their friends were doing SOMETHING for them (lunches, dinners, etc.) you are just titling your gathering something else that's all. We are all sensitive mothers on here rather who may be having their 1st or 2nd child or more, please be mindful of how your responses come across. : )

MrsKeene12 · October 2012

tmsgrl:
Do whatever you want. I had one for my first and then for my third 6 years later because he was a boy and because friends really wanted to have one for me. Nobody really cares, except for these ladies on the bump.

I agree. The women on the bump love to throw around the word TACKY and tell you ediquette. Do what you want, when you want, and with people who want to celebrate with you.

Ilmysailor10 · October 2012

MexiCali:
Asking or expecting a 2nd shower aside, I don't think it's tacky or inconsiderate. It's also not going to effect my friends wallets as they are willing to come. If they don't and think a second shower is tacky, then they can chose to not come. HOwever; in my circle of friends it is very common to throw parties. Us mexicans are always looking for a way to throw a party. It doesn't even matter if the child is the same sex.

My sister and friends have already offered and the planning is underway. We have gender neutral stuff and registered that way because we knew we would want more kids. We also cloth diapered and don't need diapers, so there isn't much for people to buy as far as gifts goes.

As far as etiquette, there are so many rules broken when throwing "showers" of any kind it's ridiculous to nit pick what you feel is wrong, unless of course your circle of friends agree. But did you know that you are not supposed to allow family to participate in the planning of the party - tacky and gift grabby. Did you know that men are not supposed to be there - tacky. Did you know you are not supposed to have more than one shower (work, your family, H's family) - tacky. So I think it's funny that this one is a major no-no when it comes to personal choices. If you don't like, then don't go.

Is hosting an adopted shower tacky? You know, the mother didn't really give birth to the child. What if the child was 2 when she adopted her? NO adoption shower for you since you didn't do it the "real" way.

Exactly this!

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