Being Outed to your Boss

clairmeij · October 2012

So I am out to pretty much everyone at work. This is different kind of outing.

In Whole Foods, with a MASSIVE bottle of prenatal vitamins in my basket, and my boss walks up to have a chat. EEEEK!

I'm not sure that he noticed...but I'm not sure he didn't either. I'm not planning on outing myself until we're more comfortably in the 12-14 week zone.

When did you tell your boss that you were pregnant? If you haven't yet, what are your thoughts on 'safe' timelines?

tdmklm · October 2012

With J, I told my immediate supervisor we were trying (because we had to drive to our donor with very little notice), and I told my CEO at around 8 weeks because I had a SCH and, according to the doctor, it was 50/50 (healthy pregnancy/losing the baby). I had to take time off, so I told him why. With the last time we TTC, I told my CEO right before starting to try as part of conversations about the future of my department. I work in a very "safe" and friendly place, though, so I felt comfortable talking about it.

2brides · October 2012

Mine is a funny story that it still told around the conference room table. :P

On Thanksgiving morning, I woke up to major bleeding. We rush to the ER and spend all day there. Everyone is fine, but they tell me to stay on bedrest until I go see my MFM doc on Monday (I was 12w.) I was scheduled to work on the Friday after Thanksgiving and calling in sick is a cardinal sin since we are so short staffed that day. So, I had to call my boss at home on Thanksgiving day, tell her I wasn't going to be at work on Friday or Monday, and oh by the way I am pregnant. And oh, yeah, it is twins. Stick out tongue I think she'd been drinking because she just laughed and said okay.

Secretly, I think she was just happy I wasn't dying as I had never told her the reason I was having doctors appts on and off for 19m.

I was planning on telling her not long after I was forced to seeing how I had already grown out of my regular pants - but wasn't planning on having to call her at home on a holiday.

2moms2b · October 2012

I outted myself around 13 weeks to my boss. We have spoken two times since then about my pregnancy. The first after a scare of contractions a few weeks ago and then last week when we were talking about my maternity leave.

I work for a very friendly company based out of CA but my boss is a southern woman in a very conservative state. Most of the field employees work from home and are all over the US.

I let her notify the chain of command as she saw necessary.

I can say that now that I am huge I get outted weekly with my customers that I visit in person so that has been very fun *insert sarcasm here*. I am not in the closet by any means but my customer's have no need to be involved in my personal life so it's fun fielding questions like "your husband must be so excited" etc.

thiswillbe · October 2012

Almost the exact same thing happened to me (at Whole Foods, with a mega bottle of prenatal vitamins), though it was an employee of mine instead of my boss. Awkward!

I think 13 weeks is what I'd be most comfortable with. I ended up telling my boss at 8w, though, since I'd been in the ER for an SCH and felt I had to explain (which I didn't, and afterwards wished I hadn't).

hlke · October 2012

C's boss's wife knows we're trying, because she is pregnant after IF and she and C have talked about it, but C asked her to please keep it quiet from her boss, if only because her boss is well, a dude.

At my last job I had to out myself when I was having a non-TTC medical flare up because I realized after a few months my boss thought I was dying and I had to tell her it was no big deal. I just said "I have some medical stuff going on I need to take care of, it's nothing serious, I just wanted to let you know why I've had so many appointments." I'd probably do the same with TTC if it came to that.

We hope to wait to tell all non-family until the second tri. We order prenatals off Amazon. We're most likely to be outed by C turning down a beer - it would NEVER HAPPEN if she weren't TTC.

2moms2twins · October 2012

we told our boss at 13 weeks but he knew we were trying We work for a company that is 95% gay and the boss sister is gay and she also went through this process so it was all on the table as we had ton of dr appt.

ball.and.chain · October 2012

My boss (and co-worker) have known since we started TTC. I am close to them and was concerned about all the appointments, so it just seemed easier. Because they know what's going on and ask a lot of questions (because they care and are supportive, not because they're nosy), I won't be able to keep a pregnancy from them for long. They'll know when I'll be able to test. I'm going to try to hold off until a second beta, and then they will be sworn to secrecy as far as telling anyone else. I will definitely wait until 2nd Tri to come out to a more general work audience.

I agree with PP that you if questioned you could always say women of childbearing age should take prenatals regardless of whether they're pregnant or TTC -- but your boss will probably just assume and not ask, if he noticed at all, so I doubt you'll get to make that defense!

Two*True · October 2012

I told everyone at work when I was 12 or 13 weeks. The timing just worked out that we were all in the same office and I had to say something sooner or later. I made the mistake of saying "K and I are expecting" which of course lead to stares while they wondered/were afraid to ask which one of us was actually pregnant.

hlke · October 2012

Two*True:
I told everyone at work when I was 12 or 13 weeks. The timing just worked out that we were all in the same office and I had to say something sooner or later. I made the mistake of saying "K and I are expecting" which of course lead to stares while they wondered/were afraid to ask which one of us was actually pregnant.

Confession: I am really worried because I carry my weight in my middle, people will think I am the one expecting if they hear the pregnancy news through the grapevine. I'm definitely going to have to be really clear that C is the one expecting!

clairmeij · October 2012

thiswillbe:
Almost the exact same thing happened to me at Whole Foods, with a mega bottle of prenatal vitamins, though it was an employee of mine instead of my boss. Awkward!
I think 13 weeks is what I'd be most comfortable with. I ended up telling my boss at 8w, though, since I'd been in the ER for an SCH and felt I had to explain which I didn't, and afterwards wished I hadn't.

That's really funny! What a coincidence :

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