Is it not normal?

Zippydoo · October 2012

To have a baby shower on your 2nd baby? I kind of want one, but my sister-in-law looked at me like I was crazy and stated that it is not normal to have one on your 2nd baby. I had a cousin who had a baby shower on her 3rd baby....

panacea05 · October 2012

If you already had a shower for your first, you definitely don't get to have another one.

shipsshoessealingwax · October 2012

Joy2611:
Showers are to welcome a woman into motherhood.nbsp; That only happens once so most people have showers only for their first baby.Some with argue that "every baby should be celebrated," but the shower is really for the mom/parents, not the baby.nbsp; There's nothing wrong with hosting a little party after the baby is born, however, so that everyone can celebrate/hold/meet the new baby!If someone offers to throw you a shower for your second baby, the choice is up to you.nbsp; I personally would decline it because I'd be megauncomfortable.nbsp; Second showers simply aren't done in my circle.nbsp;

This exactly!! "Meet the Baby" or "Sip and See" parties after baby is born are far more appropriate for 2nd, 3rd, etc children.

lkm2006 · October 2012

Not normal.. Especially asking for it.

I get showers for second children IF its a work shower, like you work somewhere different than you did with your first OR it's been years since your last child.

Allycat11 · October 2012

In my family a shower for a second baby, no matter what the reason, would get a major side eye. You also don't just get one because you want one for any child, a shower is a gift that someone must offer to throw for you.

dande2129 · October 2012

I guess that depends on your "circle".... Here? No, it's not normal. At the very most, someone will have a sprinkle, which is a lot less people and unspoken that big gifts are not necessary, but rather, small gifts like diapers, a small amount of a gift card, etc. Also, even if there is a registry, it should never be mentioned on an invitation like a baby shower would be.

mrs.birdie · October 2012

I can see the point of a second baby shower if it has been a long time since the first child. I've heard of second showers when LO is a different gender from the first.

I think a full-blown shower for a second child within about five years or so is not necessary. I agree with others about a "meet the baby" get together. I also think it is acceptable to have a "shower" where people bring freeze-ahead meals.

pachisophic · October 2012

Joy2611:

Showers are to welcome a woman into motherhood. That only happens once so most people have showers only for their first baby.

Some will argue that "every baby should be celebrated," but the shower is really for the mom/parents, not the baby. There's nothing wrong with hosting a little party after the baby is born, however, so that everyone can celebrate/hold/meet the new baby!

If someone offers to throw you a shower for your second baby, the choice is up to you. I personally would decline it because I'd be mega-uncomfortable. Second showers simply aren't done in my circle.

Agreed - this mentality drives me nuts. Showers are not celebrating the baby. Birthdays and meeting the baby for the first time are celebrating the baby....

beckajw · October 2012

It depends on where you live. In some places it is normal and in some it is not. You should get to have one, especially if the baby is a different gender than the first. People who say that you only get to have one are still living in the 1950s.

ChevyFam717 · October 2012

No - it is not normal - it is tacky. If you want to celebrate your baby have a sip and see or a meet the baby party.

Your SIL is right to side-eye you. You were bought a gift for the first baby - you don't get the gifts all over again - you should have received things you could re-use and saved them...

I can understand a "sprinkle" a SMALL gathering of CLOSE family/friends IF IT IS OFFERRED to you. You don't choose whether or not you have a shower... and did you ever hear the phrase "you can't always have what you want?" yeah... it goes for this - just because you "want" a shower - doesn't mean you can or should have one.

ChevyFam717 · October 2012

Joy2611:

beckajw:
It depends on where you live. In some places it is normal and in some it is not. You should get to have one, especially if the baby is a different gender than the first. People who say that you only get to have one are still living in the 1950s.

Uh.

If you plan to have more than one child, you need to register gender-neutral with your first kid or be really sure you're comfortable with your little boy sitting in a pink Bumbo. Having a second shower because you want baby gear in the opposite color is the height of entitlement. It's not your friend's fault that you couldn't plan ahead. Seriously, this is one of my biggest pet peeves.

Also, I do not live in the 1950s. I respect my friends and their wallets. I think that's called being considerate and it good across all time eons.

All of this....

Monsieur_et_Madame_Ha · October 2012

I think it's a regional/family/circle thing. Some people get a shower for each kid, others don't. One way or another, it's usually considered tacky to bring up the subject yourself.

Kie310 · October 2012

It isn't the norm. My MIL is throwing me a "sprinkle" for this baby because she really wanted to throw a party. I really want nothing to do with it.

mben1119 · October 2012

No, it isn't normal. It is AW-ish and gift-grabby.

JBos82 · October 2012

panacea05:

If you already had a shower for your first, you definitely don't get to have another one.

This.

JenniD2 · October 2012

beckajw:
It depends on where you live. In some places it is normal and in some it is not. You should get to have one, especially if the baby is a different gender than the first. People who say that you only get to have one are still living in the 1950s.

Really? Last I checked, good manners are still current in 2012.

Expecting a second shower just because you want gender specific items is extremely gift-grabby and selfish. The purpose of a shower is to welcome the MTB to Motherhood and help prepare the new Mom and Dad for the baby. After the first baby, mom and dad should be well prepared for a second child. Justifying a second shower because you want all girl or boy stuff is selfish and rude to your firends and family to expect them to cough up another present for you. It is your responsibility to provide for your children, no one else.

snmetz7 · October 2012

in my area its completly normal and expected to have a shower for each baby, esp if the gender is differnt. I dont't hink there's anything wrong with it if people are willing to do if for you and offer it. However, asking for one is always tacky.

That being said, I am registering for gender neutral items since this is my first baby and I want to have a 2nd and am super planner lady so if i do have a 2nd shower the registry would be VERY small or non existant. But a lot of women dont have that forsight or fall in love with the bright pink stroller..

watermellens · October 2012

lkm2006:
Not normal.. Especially asking for it. I get showers for second children IF its a work shower, like you work somewhere different than you did with your first OR it's been years since your last child.

this.

Zippydoo · October 2012

I wouldn't ask anyone for one because that is rude. My mom stated she would throw one for me, and I just thought it would be fun again to get my friends and family together. I didn't know it was a bad thing to do to have a baby shower with your 2nd one.

JenniD2 · October 2012

Joy2611:
beckajw:
It depends on where you live. In some places it is normal and in some it is not. You should get to have one, especially if the baby is a different gender than the first. People who say that you only get to have one are still living in the 1950s.

Uh.
If you plan to have more than one child, you need to register gender-neutral with your first kid or be really sure you're comfortable with your little boy sitting in a pink Bumbo. Having a second shower because you want baby gear in the opposite color is the height of entitlement. It's not your friend's fault that you couldn't plan ahead. Seriously, this is one of my biggest pet peeves.
Also, I do not live in the 1950s. I respect my friends and their wallets. I think that's called being considerate and it good across all time eons.

What I don't understand is why it is SO important to have gender specific items anyways. Thanks to my awesome friends, they gave us some gently used items that have some pink in it. I do not think it will bother my son at all if he is placed in a black and pink car seat that he will only use for a few months. And if we have another baby and it is a girl, I am sure she will be just fine with blue stuff.

mommajewels87 · October 2012

It's definitely not the typical thing to do.

katsue0xo · October 2012

Amen and thank you!! I don't live in the 50's either...........but asking or expecting a second shower is very immature and tacky in my mind.

Unknown · October 2012

This content has been removed.

MexiCali · October 2012

Asking or expecting a 2nd shower aside, I don't think it's tacky or inconsiderate. It's also not going to effect my friends wallets as they are willing to come. If they don't and think a second shower is tacky, then they can chose to not come. HOwever; in my circle of friends it is very common to throw parties. Us mexicans are always looking for a way to throw a party. It doesn't even matter if the child is the same sex.

My sister and friends have already offered and the planning is underway. We have gender neutral stuff and registered that way because we knew we would want more kids. We also cloth diapered and don't need diapers, so there isn't much for people to buy as far as gifts goes.

As far as etiquette, there are so many rules broken when throwing "showers" of any kind it's ridiculous to nit pick what you feel is wrong, unless of course your circle of friends agree. But did you know that you are not supposed to allow family to participate in the planning of the party - tacky and gift grabby. Did you know that men are not supposed to be there - tacky. Did you know you are not supposed to have more than one shower (work, your family, H's family) - tacky. So I think it's funny that this one is a major no-no when it comes to personal choices. If you don't like, then don't go.

Is hosting an adopted shower tacky? You know, the mother didn't really give birth to the child. What if the child was 2 when she adopted her? NO adoption shower for you since you didn't do it the "real" way.

lightgetsin · October 2012

Do whatever you want. I had one for my first and then for my third 6 years later because he was a boy and because friends really wanted to have one for me. Nobody really cares, except for these ladies on the bump.

MexiCali · October 2012

Joy2611:
MexiCali:

As far as etiquette, there are so many rules broken when throwing "showers" of any kind it's ridiculous to nit pick what you feel is wrong, unless of course your circle of friends agree. But did you know that you are not supposed to allow family to participate in the planning of the party - tacky and gift grabby. Did you know that men are not supposed to be there - tacky. Did you know you are not supposed to have more than one shower (work, your family, H's family) - tacky. So I think it's funny that this one is a major no-no when it comes to personal choices. If you don't like, then don't go.

Is hosting an adopted shower tacky? You know, the mother didn't really give birth to the child. What if the child was 2 when she adopted her? NO adoption shower for you since you didn't do it the "real" way.

Your second paragraph here is actually no where NEAR on mark so I sorta want to ignore it. But, since it's a slow day at work, I will simply reiterate that a baby shower welcomes a woman into MOTHERHOOD. No one said she had to birth the baby - you made that up on your own to prove your point. I'm actually annoyed that you took that thought away from this conversation because no one said ANYTHING like that.

As for your first paragraph, I actually agree. If you don't want to go to the shower, then you have every right to decline and not send a gift. I was really only trying to point that having an attitude that boils down to "Well, I wanted pink first and now you must buy me the same item in blue" is rude and downright ridiculous.

I do default to whatever is done in your social circle is okay, but social circles are really merging with each other now (I've thrown baby showers for Americans, Chinese, Eastern Europeans, and some people in my own family) - they all don't fit in the same rules so I think it's better to be a bit conservative, especially when gifts are involved.

That is based on your definition of what a baby shower is. For everyone the definition is different. I see it as a celebration of pending birth/s, which Wiki aslo believes. So in my definition it would mean I shouldn't have went to my friends adoption celebration. I did, her daughter she adopted was 2 and her and her H are highly capable of having their own children. They decided to go a different route. My point is everyone is different in what they believe and how they should do things. I just find it funny that we get comments like "you don't deserve or get one". It's highly eye roll worthy to me. Also it was to prove a point, point being that we live in a world where people adopt, last weekend I went to a "two mother" baby shower. Things are changing and it just boggles me that people are so up tight on this. Instead of just saying "they are not normal in our circle" you get very rude comments instead.

Baby showers were also meant for women to shower the mother to be and give them advice on the upcoming baby. While I know how to raise a child, up to the age of 3..lol., I think the world of 2 kids is completely different. So my friends who are on 2, 3...etc kids may have some useful things for me to help navigate through this new world we are about to embark.

mben1119 · October 2012

MexiCali:

Is hosting an adopted shower tacky? You know, the mother didn't really give birth to the child. What if the child was 2 when she adopted her? NO adoption shower for you since you didn't do it the "real" way.

Did you not read what most of us said and/or agreed with? A shower is to welcome a new mom to motherhood...so, adopting a baby makes you a new mom, no matter the age of the child.

Synth · October 2012

JenniD2:
The purpose of a shower is to welcome the MTB to Motherhood and help prepare the new Mom and Dad for the baby. After the first baby, mom and dad should be well prepared for a second child.

Yep, because mom and dad foresaw the fact that baby 2 was going to come 11+ years after DS and decided to keep EVERY LAST THING through 4 moves. Yep.

MexiCali:
Asking or expecting a 2nd shower aside, I don't think it's tacky or inconsiderate. It's also not going to effect my friends wallets as they are willing to come. If they don't and think a second shower is tacky, then they can chose to not come. HOwever; in my circle of friends it is very common to throw parties. Us mexicans are always looking for a way to throw a party. It doesn't even matter if the child is the same sex.

My sister and friends have already offered and the planning is underway. We have gender neutral stuff and registered that way because we knew we would want more kids. We also cloth diapered and don't need diapers, so there isn't much for people to buy as far as gifts goes.

As far as etiquette, there are so many rules broken when throwing "showers" of any kind it's ridiculous to nit pick what you feel is wrong, unless of course your circle of friends agree. But did you know that you are not supposed to allow family to participate in the planning of the party - tacky and gift grabby. Did you know that men are not supposed to be there - tacky. Did you know you are not supposed to have more than one shower (work, your family, H's family) - tacky. So I think it's funny that this one is a major no-no when it comes to personal choices. If you don't like, then don't go.

Is hosting an adopted shower tacky? You know, the mother didn't really give birth to the child. What if the child was 2 when she adopted her? NO adoption shower for you since you didn't do it the "real" way.

All of this.

KatieKim0815 · October 2012

I think it's wrong to EXPECT one but with my family it's a cultural custom to celebrate each baby. Do you get the humungous gear at your second shower? No. But it is common in some areas. Where my MIL comes from they have one for every baby and my Mom said "of course we'll have one for this baby" but the only reason we didn't was a family member died tragically and unexpectedly and that's taken the focus for us.

MexiCali · October 2012

mabenner1:
MexiCali:

Is hosting an adopted shower tacky? You know, the mother didn't really give birth to the child. What if the child was 2 when she adopted her? NO adoption shower for you since you didn't do it the "real" way.

Did you not read what most of us said and/or agreed with? A shower is to welcome a new mom to motherhood...so, adopting a baby makes you a new mom, no matter the age of the child.

I just posted and explained more of this, plus the point is to show how times are changing and how ridiculous people sound putting their point of views on people so snotty like.

Adoption showers were not normal years ago. I attended one last month and attended a Lesbian couple shower this weekend. Things are changing, rules are changing, more people are having co-ed showers, multi showers, adoption showers..etc. I just can't grasp why it's so hard for people to have different opinion on a 2nd shower without being so angry about it..lol.

jannv11 · October 2012

Up to your family but not normal. Sometimes if the siblings are a lot different in age or maybe twins. I am not asking to have one. Maybe a small family dinner but no shower.

Allycat11 · October 2012

MexiCali:
mabenner1:
MexiCali:

Is hosting an adopted shower tacky? You know, the mother didn't really give birth to the child. What if the child was 2 when she adopted her? NO adoption shower for you since you didn't do it the "real" way.

Did you not read what most of us said and/or agreed with? A shower is to welcome a new mom to motherhood...so, adopting a baby makes you a new mom, no matter the age of the child.

I just posted and explained more of this, plus the point is to show how times are changing and how ridiculous people sound putting their point of views on people so snotty like.

Adoption showers were not normal years ago. I attended one last month and attended a Lesbian couple shower this weekend. Things are changing, rules are changing, more people are having co-ed showers, multi showers, adoption showers..etc. I just can't grasp why it's so hard for people to have different opinion on a 2nd shower without being so angry about it..lol.

In what world? My mom had a shower when she adopted my brother 30 years ago. When she adopted me she did not have a shower because I was her second child so there was no point in having a party to welcome her to motherhood.

Times do change but expecting or requesting a shower for your second is inappropriate. In my family we do not have showers for women who already have children. Typically they will receive small gifts from close family and friends after the child is born.

MexiCali · October 2012

Allycat11:
MexiCali:
mabenner1:
MexiCali:

Is hosting an adopted shower tacky? You know, the mother didn't really give birth to the child. What if the child was 2 when she adopted her? NO adoption shower for you since you didn't do it the "real" way.

Did you not read what most of us said and/or agreed with? A shower is to welcome a new mom to motherhood...so, adopting a baby makes you a new mom, no matter the age of the child.

I just posted and explained more of this, plus the point is to show how times are changing and how ridiculous people sound putting their point of views on people so snotty like.

Adoption showers were not normal years ago. I attended one last month and attended a Lesbian couple shower this weekend. Things are changing, rules are changing, more people are having co-ed showers, multi showers, adoption showers..etc. I just can't grasp why it's so hard for people to have different opinion on a 2nd shower without being so angry about it..lol.

In what world? My mom had a shower when she adopted my brother 30 years ago. When she adopted me she did not have a shower because I was her second child so there was no point in having a party to welcome her to motherhood.

Times do change but expecting or requesting a shower for your second is inappropriate. In my family we do not have showers for women who already have children. Typically they will receive small gifts from close family and friends after the child is born.

Not in all circles. So while your family was accepting of it, not all were and that is my point.

And I already said, pre my post being chopped up, that this was all putting aside the point of expecting or requesting. That is tacky even for your first. But even with that said I have been to shower a friend threw herself. The things going on in her life kind of seperated her from her family. So she threw it herself and I went, helped out and had fun.

betheny · October 2012

i would never in my life expect one for any baby whether it be the first or the fifth. they are a gift given by friends and family. i have been to several showers/sprinkles recently for 2nd and 3rd babies and haven't batted an eye but to expect one or ask for one does seem quite tacky. I have been completely overwhelmed by the insistence of family and friends that i have a shower for this baby. It is our second, our daughter is 8 and we have been undergoing fertility treatments for over 4 years so our nearest and dearest explained that they have been anticipating this baby for a very long time also (i am beyond touched by this). as it has ended up we are having three showers!!! ridiculous i know but none of them have been my idea and as i said i am extremely grateful and surprised by the outpouring of generosity that i never expected.

mhickey426 · October 2012

Not at all. The only reason why I find it acceptable to have more then one shower is if there is a very very large age gap between your children. That doesn't mean if you have a 5 year old at home more like a 10 year old or older. I don't even like sprinkles or a mini shower.

drewiekc · October 2012

No, not normal. Of course, the standard disclaimer of "it depends on your specific situation/group of friends/cultural traditions/etc". My daughter is 2, I will not have any showers for this one. If someone were to offer me one, I would politely decline. My close group of friends plans to do a small brunch a few weeks before I'm due, but that's what we always do for 2nd+ babies in this group and gifts are not involved. More just a chance for us all to get together.

Also, I am seriously shaking my head that Mexicali is trying to say that it is TECHNICALLY considered "tacky" to host a baby shower for a couple/mom adopting a child. Offensive much? Good lord. I also am curious as to how many years ago you are talking that it wasnt considered "normal", my mother was thrown a shower when my parents adopted me almost 35 years ago. And then she did not have one when they adopted my brother 3 years later.

MexiCali · October 2012

drewiekc:

No, not normal. Of course, the standard disclaimer of "it depends on your specific situation/group of friends/cultural traditions/etc". My daughter is 2, I will not have any showers for this one. If someone were to offer me one, I would politely decline. My close group of friends plans to do a small brunch a few weeks before I'm due, but that's what we always do for 2nd+ babies in this group and gifts are not involved. More just a chance for us all to get together.

Also, I am seriously shaking my head that Mexicali is trying to say that it is TECHNICALLY considered "tacky" to host a baby shower for a couple/mom adopting a child. Offensive much? Good lord. I also am curious as to how many years ago you are talking that it wasnt considered "normal", my mother was thrown a shower when my parents adopted me almost 35 years ago. And then she did not have one when they adopted my brother 3 years later.

I've never said I considered it tacky. As I stated I have been to an adoption shower, but no they were not normal back in the days for all circles. But I have said that over and over again.

It was not an offensive statement, it was just to show how ridiculous it is for someone to make such a broad statement about etiquette when it's different for all people. I wouldn't think twice about going to an adoption shower, a same sex couple shower or a 2nd baby shower which all are becoming more and more frequent now and days. But I have repeated that point over and over agin. You can pick and choose what you want to read.

pinottoparenthood · October 2012

Generally no, you only have a shower for your first. Also, you shouldn't ASK someone to have a shower for you... someone should offer to throw you a shower.

Heartstrings13 · October 2012

ChevyFam717:
Joy2611:

beckajw:
It depends on where you live. In some places it is normal and in some it is not. You should get to have one, especially if the baby is a different gender than the first. People who say that you only get to have one are still living in the 1950s.

Uh.

If you plan to have more than one child, you need to register gender-neutral with your first kid or be really sure you're comfortable with your little boy sitting in a pink Bumbo. Having a second shower because you want baby gear in the opposite color is the height of entitlement. It's not your friend's fault that you couldn't plan ahead. Seriously, this is one of my biggest pet peeves.

Also, I do not live in the 1950s. I respect my friends and their wallets. I think that's called being considerate and it good across all time eons.

All of this....

Agreed. I'm a FTM and I've already stated that even this shower isn't necessary (though it is very much appreciated) and that a second shower is not only not expected, but not really wanted because it would make me feel uncomfortable. If you aren't responsible enough to a) register for gender-neutral items that you can use again or b) buy your own stuff the second time around, it shouldn't be left to your friends and family to do it for you.

ETA: I do not side-eye second showers for babies when one of the parents is not the same as a first baby, when there is 5 or more years between babies or if there are other extenuating circumstances.

Kjohnson1426 · October 2012

I personally wouldn't judge anyone because they had another baby shower. It's completely up to you. If I was invited to a friend or family baby shower and it was their 2nd child I would be thrilled to be a part of the wonderful celebration. It's not really about the baby because the baby isn't born, but they are going from a parent of one to a parent of 2 or 3 or whatever. I love buying things for other people so the more parties the better in my opinion. It's a chance to give and bless another persons life in a way that they may not be able to do on their own because of financial aspects.

chicky1231 · October 2012

I'm having my 2nd girl with only a 2 yr age differencen and my mom and MIL are apparenlty doing a sprinkly....not really a shower since I'm not registering and it will just be our aunts and cousins. They like an excuse for a get together and know this will buy little gifts b/c thats what they do.

I would never request one or do I even really want one but I'm not going to tell them to cancel it b/c they want to celebrate a new baby.

Want a personalized experience?

Is it not normal?

Re: Is it not normal?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards