I bet I'm about to get reamed

Kaeldrasmommy · October 2012

Ah well. I took LO to the pumpkin patch today and posted pics on facebook. Someone questioned where the other kids were. They were at home finishing chores that they decided not to do when they were supposed to do them and therefore missed something fun. Although in reality, they probably wouldn't have liked it. But I'll bet that I'm going to catch some flak over it, like I'm so mean for expecting them to actually follow the rules and do their hour or so's worth of chores in less than 5 hours.

socloudy99 · October 2012

Nothing wrong with sticking to what you expect.

Ilumine · October 2012

This happened in my intact family all of the time.

Now, my parents always tied reasonable time limits to our chores. So if we did not have them done by a specific time there would be natural consequences, like not being able to go someplace fun.

Because in the grown up world, we live by time constraints. And its not like we are BORN knowing that. We learn it through trial, error and our parents.

Now, if you have never TOLD THEM that in advance, you might get a sear mark or two, but if this is the expectation in your house...no flames from me.

fellesferie · October 2012

DS didn't get to go to the pumpkin patch last week because he was too busy having a tantrum and not finishing his homework. He got to go a couple of days later, but it wasn't the fun, picturesque family thing I'd wanted.

Holly_1007 · October 2012

no flames from me. prob one of my biggest pet peeves is when parents threaten something.. i.e "if you don't do your chores by 3 oclock you aren't going with us" then the kids don't do the chores and the parent still brings them wherever. so you get a high five from me!

FutureMrsWittig · October 2012

No flames here either. Hope they did their chores!

blush64 · October 2012

I just have a different opinion. I wouldn't punish kids by making them miss something like this. It's a family memory that they are no longer part of. I do believe in discipline but not when it takes them away from family moments that are already too few. If there are feelings that the one you took is already favoured by you than this could make it look like you only wanted to take LO in the first place and this was an excuse. EDIT I am not saying that but it could be seen that way in certain circumstances. Depends on your history.

No flames, just a different opinion. My kids are well behaved and respectful as far as teenagers go and I never had to leave them out of family time like going to the pumpkin patch.EDIT They have been punished for things, just not like that.

CFjo2010 · October 2012

blush64:

I just have a different opinion. I wouldn't punish kids by making them miss something like this. It's a family memory that they are no longer part of. I do believe in discipline but not when it takes them away from family moments that are already too few. If there are feelings that the one you took is already favoured by you than this could make it look like you only wanted to take LO in the first place and this was an excuse. EDIT I am not saying that but it could be seen that way in certain circumstances. Depends on your history.

Even in my intact family, this happened. I didn't grow up to resent my parents or my sisters. I clearly remember one time when I was told to clean my room, and that if I didn't have it done I couldn't go to Disneyland the next day with my parents and sisters. I called their bluff and guess who had to stay home with the cranky 60 year-old neighbor? I was 9 (I think) and I learned real quick that my parents don't bluff.

A couple years ago I got a progress report from my son's teacher and he was missing a ton of assignments. She allowed him to do extra credit and sent a packet home for him to work on. I told him if he didn't complete the packet and turn it in on Friday then he was not going to the Zoo with us that weekend. He called my bluff and then got to stay home with my SIL who's an English teacher doing the packet and book reports while we were at the Zoo.

I understand that family activities are supposed to be special, but I don't believe in being "held hostage" by them. Meaning, I don't think children should get to misbehave and then get to still do the fun stuff just because it's a family activity.

lb1212 · October 2012

I think it's great that you didn't stay home! I hate it when parents punish ALL the kids rather than the ones who deserve it! I think you sent a very clear, positive message.

blush64 · October 2012

jobalchak:
blush64:

Even in my intact family, this happened. I didn't grow up to resent my parents or my sisters. I clearly remember one time when I was told to clean my room, and that if I didn't have it done I couldn't go to Disneyland the next day with my parents and sisters. I called their bluff and guess who had to stay home with the cranky 60 year-old neighbor? I was 9 (I think) and I learned real quick that my parents don't bluff.

A couple years ago I got a progress report from my son's teacher and he was missing a ton of assignments. She allowed him to do extra credit and sent a packet home for him to work on. I told him if he didn't complete the packet and turn it in on Friday then he was not going to the Zoo with us that weekend. He called my bluff and then got to stay home with my SIL who's an English teacher doing the packet and book reports while we were at the Zoo.

I understand that family activities are supposed to be special, but I don't believe in being "held hostage" by them. Meaning, I don't think children should get to misbehave and then get to still do the fun stuff just because it's a family activity.

I wasn't saying my way was the only way, just my preference. It worked for you and that's good but this is working for my family.

I follow through on what I tell my kids. I just don't use family outings as something to bargain with. I'm not held hostage I just prefer to discipline in other ways.

It's not about intact or blended, just a different way of doing things. It worked for my family growing up and it's working for me now.

Kaeldrasmommy · October 2012

blush64:
I just have a different opinion. I wouldn't punish kids by making them miss something like this. It's a family memory that they are no longer part of. I do believe in discipline but not when it takes them away from family moments that are already too few. If there are feelings that the one you took is already favoured by you than this could make it look like you only wanted to take LO in the first place and this was an excuse. EDIT I am not saying that but it could be seen that way in certain circumstances. Depends on your history.
No flames, just a different opinion. My kids are well behaved and respectful as far as teenagers go and I never had to leave them out of family time like going to the pumpkin patch.EDIT They have been punished for things, just not like that.

It wasn't exactly a family thing anyway. DH is out of town for work and we have plans next weekend, it was just my last chance to take LO for her first Halloween or she wouldn't have gotten to go at all. If there is something that we are all doing together I try not to do that then either. Family time is important.

twister22 · October 2012

blush64:
jobalchak:
blush64:

Even in my intact family, this happened. I didn't grow up to resent my parents or my sisters. I clearly remember one time when I was told to clean my room, and that if I didn't have it done I couldn't go to Disneyland the next day with my parents and sisters. I called their bluff and guess who had to stay home with the cranky 60 year-old neighbor? I was 9 (I think) and I learned real quick that my parents don't bluff.

A couple years ago I got a progress report from my son's teacher and he was missing a ton of assignments. She allowed him to do extra credit and sent a packet home for him to work on. I told him if he didn't complete the packet and turn it in on Friday then he was not going to the Zoo with us that weekend. He called my bluff and then got to stay home with my SIL who's an English teacher doing the packet and book reports while we were at the Zoo.

I understand that family activities are supposed to be special, but I don't believe in being "held hostage" by them. Meaning, I don't think children should get to misbehave and then get to still do the fun stuff just because it's a family activity.

I wasn't saying my way was the only way, just my preference. It worked for you and that's good but this is working for my family.

I follow through on what I tell my kids. I just don't use family outings as something to bargain with. I'm not held hostage I just prefer to discipline in other ways.

It's not about intact or blended, just a different way of doing things. It worked for my family growing up and it's working for me now.

This. I don't like the idea of the kids missing out on family activities. I cherish the family memories I have from growing up. Now, I say this having only a 4yo DS and never having had anything major happen. So, definitely no reaming or judging from me. Kids have consequences when they break rules, and that's life. Personally, I'm with blush and would prefer to have there be other consequences besides missing out on a family activity.

najzomax · October 2012

holly71087:
no flames from me. prob one of my biggest pet peeves is when parents threaten something.. i.e "if you don't do your chores by 3 oclock you aren't going with us" then the kids don't do the chores and the parent still brings them wherever. so you get a high five from me!

totally agree!

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