I judge my brother

missyishere · October 2012

for being a complete ***. His relationship with my mom was always up and down, and he was super shady with her for a couple of years before her death. He has now starting treating me exactly how he treated her. He will not answer my phone calls, texts, facebook comments, or any type of communication. He will, however, text and call my husband all of the time to discuss sports and dude stuff, but he never asks how Nora or my SD are doing. He hasn't seen us since Mother's Day, when him and my sister came to visit so we could visit my mother's grave. We also went to a couple of spots where my mom would like to hang out. It was nice, but I haven't heard from him since. I invited him to Nora's birthday, but I guess he had to work from what I was told. I asked him on a number of occasions whether he was going to make it, but he just completely ignored me. He and my sister talk, but they live much closer to one another. He basically goes over there to hang out with her husband, too. I have no idea how to approach him, because he is soooooooooooo deffensive when confronted about anything. anything. I wouldn't care so much if I didn't have a child, because he is missing out on getting to know a really awesome kid.

missyishere · October 2012

AA0417:
Sorry you have to deal with someone like that. Not that it is at all the same situation, but I have a brother than is off in his own little world pretty much. It seems like it hasn't even clicked that he has a nephew. He lives less than a mile from me. I only see him at family functions, and he doesn't even attend all of those (there aren't that many, they are always in our town, and he doesn't exactly have a busy life). I invited him to LO's birthday party at the time I sent out invites. I will text him once more some time this week. I put in the effort to include him. If he doesn't show (I would probably fall over if he did show up), it is 100% his loss. My point is that I would like for him to want to be a part of the family, but I don't let it bother me that he makes the choice not to be. We don't have a bad relationship, nor a good one; I just accept that he is how he is and make the choice to not let something I can't control cause me negative feelings. It still sucks though. GL with everything!

Only a mile away and doesn't make an effort? That's cruddy! It bothers me since our aunts/uncles were so much a part of our lives growing up- I would think he would want the same for my child. My BIL lives 2.5 hours away and sees the girls more than my brother (who is about an hour away). He has mentioned to me once that I could make more of an effort to come where he lives. I tried explaining to him I would come see him if he actually invited us instead of being a jerk about it- plus, it is much easier for him to go somewhere than it is us with kids to haul and dogs to worry about. He is also a dirty bachelor, so it's not like Nora could just hang out at his house. I hope your brother will also see the error in his ways before it's too late. I think my brother just sees a lot of our mother in me, and the guilt keeps him at a distance. Like you said, it is his loss.

morsey2011 · October 2012

Sorry you're having to deal with something like this. But as AA said, you can only do so much and if your brother doesn't make the effort, it is his loss. I really don't understand when family doesn't make an effort to spend time with each other.

Want a personalized experience?

I judge my brother

Re: I judge my brother

Choose Another Board

Search Boards