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How to get Dad involved for bedtime/naptime?

alliecat1234alliecat1234
in Attachment Parenting
I breastfeed my son and currently stay at home with him.  Nursing is part of our naptime and bedtime routine.  For the past 4 months, I have put him down for 95% of his naps and always for bedtime.  I would like to get my husband more involved in this so that I may have the option of being out of the house during naptime on the weekend or away after bedtime in case he wakes up.  Any suggestions on how to get my husband involved in this?  He has tried to comfort our baby a few times but because I have been the primary one to do the putting down, he seems to cry more with his dad.  I guess it may just take time? 
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Re: How to get Dad involved for bedtime/naptime?

  • ncbellencbelle member

    Yup - just takes time!  Daddy has to figure out what works for him to soothe baby - without you coming to the rescue.  For my DH, wearing baby was always the way to go.  Rocking, "dancing," wearing - all good daddy options.

    I'd nurse baby and hand him over to daddy to do the rest - go take yourself a long bath or something where you are out of sight/hearing.

    DH has been about 50/50 with me in terms of getting the kids to sleep (if they didn't fall asleep nursing and he was home, he usually wore them to sleep) - I think that made things much easier when it came time to nightwean, etc. 



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  • dizzycooksdizzycooks member
    My DH reads to DD and I while I nurse her at bedtime.  We never nurse to sleep.  DH does wear her and soothe her and has given her bottles when I am away.  I would encourage you to leave your DC with DH and let him follow the routine you have established with a bottle instead of the breast.  I bet you'll be surprised!
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  • tjkdlhbtjkdlhb member
    Actually DH does a fair bit of the nighttime care for DD, since he's at work all day he likes that time with her.  If she falls asleep while nursing, he just carries her upstairs.  Lots of times he'll change her/sometimes bathe her/put on her PJs/sleepsack.  Then he'll give her to me to nurse/rock for a bit.  If she falls asleep at the boob, he'll carry her upstairs.  If she doesn't fall asleep he'll usually go upstairs with her and if she's 'fussy' (in quotations because she's pretty pleasant)  he'll lie down with her in the bed until she settles/gets sleepy. 



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  • neverblushedneverblushed member

    Two key things have to happen: 

    1) Don't nurse all the way to sleep.

    Actually, avoiding nursing the baby all the way to sleep (if your child will roll with this) saves you a TON of hassle down the road while still allowing you to nurse on demand and do all those wonderful things.

    2) Let Dad handle it no matter how hard it is for him and baby.

    Just leave and let your H and your DS figure it out.  If you SAH, you've probably had times in the past 4 months when your baby was inconsolable and you had to figure out what to do.  It was stressful, but you survived, learned about your baby, and added to your parenting bag of tricks.  Your H is just as capable at figuring things out as you are, and he deserves the chance to fumble through and deal with it just like you did.  If you cannot bear to hear your child crying, and you know that you'll cave and "rescue" them, leave.  Have your H call you when it's over.

    True story:  I left teaching when my DS was born.  When he was 3 months old, I began doing private tutoring in the evenings.  This was tough because I had always been the one who cooked dinner and handled the bedtime routine. Now, 2 nights a week, my H had to do everything.  At first, he was stressed and I felt guilty.  

    Well, turns out it was the BEST thing ever to happen to us not just as parents but also as a married couple!  He became much more confident as a parent and really understood how hard I was working to be a good mom.  The kids grew to rely equally on their dad and me for routine stuff.  He understood the ins and outs of the routine, and we could really put our heads together over kid-related problems and tackle them as a team.

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  • myszkomyszko
    Get dad involved now, don't wait. My DD is 20 months and DH has NEVER put her to bed! He has tried once and called for me after about 5 minutes of her crying for me. Now I am pregnant with 2, and someone else needs to be able to put her to sleep while I am in the hospital. PP had good advice.
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  • pepomntpatpepomntpat member

    Meh, I disagree with the PP who said to never nurse to sleep. DD nursed to sleep for a long time and now she doesn't...all by herself.

    We have always had DH do the bath, PJs, toothbrushing, story reading part and then I finish up. DD is fine and was fine starting around 10 months with skipping the nursing if I wasn't home.

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