Attachment Parenting
How to get Dad involved for bedtime/naptime?
I breastfeed my son and currently stay at home with him. Nursing is part of our naptime and bedtime routine. For the past 4 months, I have put him down for 95% of his naps and always for bedtime. I would like to get my husband more involved in this so that I may have the option of being out of the house during naptime on the weekend or away after bedtime in case he wakes up. Any suggestions on how to get my husband involved in this? He has tried to comfort our baby a few times but because I have been the primary one to do the putting down, he seems to cry more with his dad. I guess it may just take time?
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Re: How to get Dad involved for bedtime/naptime?
Yup - just takes time! Daddy has to figure out what works for him to soothe baby - without you coming to the rescue. For my DH, wearing baby was always the way to go. Rocking, "dancing," wearing - all good daddy options.
I'd nurse baby and hand him over to daddy to do the rest - go take yourself a long bath or something where you are out of sight/hearing.
DH has been about 50/50 with me in terms of getting the kids to sleep (if they didn't fall asleep nursing and he was home, he usually wore them to sleep) - I think that made things much easier when it came time to nightwean, etc.
Breastfeeding Counselor with Breastfeeding USA
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Two key things have to happen:
1) Don't nurse all the way to sleep.
Actually, avoiding nursing the baby all the way to sleep (if your child will roll with this) saves you a TON of hassle down the road while still allowing you to nurse on demand and do all those wonderful things.
2) Let Dad handle it no matter how hard it is for him and baby.
Just leave and let your H and your DS figure it out. If you SAH, you've probably had times in the past 4 months when your baby was inconsolable and you had to figure out what to do. It was stressful, but you survived, learned about your baby, and added to your parenting bag of tricks. Your H is just as capable at figuring things out as you are, and he deserves the chance to fumble through and deal with it just like you did. If you cannot bear to hear your child crying, and you know that you'll cave and "rescue" them, leave. Have your H call you when it's over.
True story: I left teaching when my DS was born. When he was 3 months old, I began doing private tutoring in the evenings. This was tough because I had always been the one who cooked dinner and handled the bedtime routine. Now, 2 nights a week, my H had to do everything. At first, he was stressed and I felt guilty.
Well, turns out it was the BEST thing ever to happen to us not just as parents but also as a married couple! He became much more confident as a parent and really understood how hard I was working to be a good mom. The kids grew to rely equally on their dad and me for routine stuff. He understood the ins and outs of the routine, and we could really put our heads together over kid-related problems and tackle them as a team.
Meh, I disagree with the PP who said to never nurse to sleep. DD nursed to sleep for a long time and now she doesn't...all by herself.
We have always had DH do the bath, PJs, toothbrushing, story reading part and then I finish up. DD is fine and was fine starting around 10 months with skipping the nursing if I wasn't home.