Baby shower, bris, meet the baby...

beforesunrise · October 2012

Hi. I'm a FTM and most likely won't be having a shower ( closest friends & family live far away.) We are Jewish and having a boy which means we'll have a bris, probably in our home. Beyond its religious significance, does the bris also kind of function like a meet & greet? Do people usually bring gifts? Since it all happens so sudden ( can't plan in advance actual date and only 8d notice), do you just email around to let people know when it's happening?

Not sure if this is the right board for this question but it does relate to invites, gifts, etc so thx for your help.

SunshineMuffin · October 2012

I have never seen actual gifts at a Bris. Money, yes, in the usual increments of 18. I would not email invitations. Since a Bris is generally small, including immediate family and a handful of very close friends, invitations are generally extended by phone.

dbowitz · October 2012

I have seen gifts at a bris before, but often people give money or savings bonds. Because of the last-minute nature of a bris, usually it's a slew of phone calls. The parents call the mohel once the baby is born, and parents and mohel decide on date/time/location and then parents and the new grandparents work the phones to let everyone know the details. Because of the last minute-ness of a bris, whoever can come, comes and whoever can't, can't. Depending on how it goes, people may get a chance to see and hold the baby, but after the procedure, some babies and parents aren't up for passing the baby around. I went to a bris where there were about 50 people at the social hall of synogague and the baby was wisked away right after the procedure and another one in the parents' home that had about 15 people and once the baby calmed down and had some tylenol, he got passed around among the guests.

If the baby is born on Shabbat (after sundown Friday through before sundown on Saturday), the bris can be put off by a day (I think - double check with your mohel). You will need at least 13 people there to make a minyan, but again, you should definitely go over this with your mohel.

526SadieSadie · October 2012

SunshineMuffin:
I have never seen actual gifts at a Bris. Money, yes, in the usual increments of 18. I would not email invitations. Since a Bris is generally small, including immediate family and a handful of very close friends, invitations are generally extended by phone.

Forgive my ignorance, I'm not Jewish...increments of 18? What's the significance of 18? My friends are expecting a baby boy and if I'm lucky enough invited to the bris I don't want to commit a faux pas!

I bring a gift to any event I'm invited to, even if its just a bottle of wine or a plate of food. That's just how I was raised.

SunshineMuffin · October 2012

526SadieSadie:

SunshineMuffin:
I have never seen actual gifts at a Bris. Money, yes, in the usual increments of 18. I would not email invitations. Since a Bris is generally small, including immediate family and a handful of very close friends, invitations are generally extended by phone.

Forgive my ignorance, I'm not Jewish...increments of 18? What's the significance of 18? My friends are expecting a baby boy and if I'm lucky enough invited to the bris I don't want to commit a faux pas!

I bring a gift to any event I'm invited to, even if its just a bottle of wine or a plate of food. That's just how I was raised.

In Judaism, the number 18 is associated with good luck and life. At gift-giving events, we often give the gift in multiples of 18 (i.e., $36, $180 etc). It's a way of symbolically giving the recipient the gift of good luck and/or life.

526SadieSadie · October 2012

SunshineMuffin:
526SadieSadie:

SunshineMuffin:
I have never seen actual gifts at a Bris. Money, yes, in the usual increments of 18. I would not email invitations. Since a Bris is generally small, including immediate family and a handful of very close friends, invitations are generally extended by phone.

Forgive my ignorance, I'm not Jewish...increments of 18? What's the significance of 18? My friends are expecting a baby boy and if I'm lucky enough invited to the bris I don't want to commit a faux pas!

I bring a gift to any event I'm invited to, even if its just a bottle of wine or a plate of food. That's just how I was raised.

In Judaism, the number 18 is associated with good luck and life. At gift-giving events, we often give the gift in multiples of 18 (i.e., $36, $180 etc). It's a way of symbolically giving the recipient the gift of good luck and/or life.

I love that. That's definitely what I'll do if I'm invited

Liz4444 · October 2012

A bris is always 8 days after the baby is born, so people will know when it is, the time and place are usually just word of mouth. I've never brought a gift, I usually mail, I think it usually depends on whether it is done in a shul or not. My husband is better with the details of these things than I am, but I think you aren't allowed to give gifts on Shabbat in a temple.

Where is MandJS, she's better versed at this than I am.

TX-Bride · October 2012

I am not jewish but I have a lot of jewish friends in LA; friends from the time I went to a jewish school, this may be a regional thing, but my friends' kids' bris were very extravagant affairs, catered food, flower decorations, etc. They were not small affairs by any means. But the baby naming were small affairs, immediate family and elder of the family from eachside. Again, this maybe a regional, keeping up with the joneses thing.

smilygrl17 · October 2012

Some brises can be extravagant while others are just like a meet and greet with some food. I've gone to a bris where it was a whole to do. It was partly because the couple had had a lot of trouble having a baby (not that it was publicized but I think she may have had a miscarriage). It wasn't talked about that they were having trouble, but 30 days after the boy is born there is what is called a Pidyon Haben, where you 'buy back' your baby from a Kohein (priest). The only time a Pidyon Haben is done is if its a first born, including no previous miscarriages. She didn't have a Pidyon Haben. I'm not sure what your religious level is (or if you are an Israelite, Levi, or Kohein), but a Pidyon Haben can offer you have a bigger event since it gives you a little bit more than a week notice. This way, if you want people from out of town to come, you can give them this option.

Liz4444 · October 2012

smilygrl17:
Some brises can be extravagant while others are just like a meet and greet with some food. I've gone to a bris where it was a whole to do. It was partly because the couple had had a lot of trouble having a baby not that it was publicized but I think she may have had a miscarriage. It wasn't talked about that they were having trouble, but 30 days after the boy is born there is what is called a Pidyon Haben, where you 'buy back' your baby from a Kohein priest. The only time a Pidyon Haben is done is if its a first born, including no previous miscarriages. She didn't have a Pidyon Haben. I'm not sure what your religious level is or if you are an Israelite, Levi, or Kohein, but a Pidyon Haben can offer you have a bigger event since it gives you a little bit more than a week notice. This way, if you want people from out of town to come, you can give them this option.

DH is a Kohein and no matter what type of bris you are planning, unless there is a health issue, it is always 8 days after birth,

smilygrl17 · October 2012

Liz4444:
smilygrl17:
Some brises can be extravagant while others are just like a meet and greet with some food. I've gone to a bris where it was a whole to do. It was partly because the couple had had a lot of trouble having a baby not that it was publicized but I think she may have had a miscarriage. It wasn't talked about that they were having trouble, but 30 days after the boy is born there is what is called a Pidyon Haben, where you 'buy back' your baby from a Kohein priest. The only time a Pidyon Haben is done is if its a first born, including no previous miscarriages. She didn't have a Pidyon Haben. I'm not sure what your religious level is or if you are an Israelite, Levi, or Kohein, but a Pidyon Haben can offer you have a bigger event since it gives you a little bit more than a week notice. This way, if you want people from out of town to come, you can give them this option.
DH is a Kohein and no matter what type of bris you are planning, unless there is a health issue, it is always 8 days after birth,

Sorry if I wasn't clear (which I tend to not be since I sometimes ramble and rant). My point was, in addition to a bris, if this is your first child (no miscarriages) and your husband is not a Kohein )not sure if the wife is the daughter of a Kohein), then 30 days after the baby is born there is another custom of having a Pidyon Haben.

A bris = 8 days after as long as everything is ok no matter what.A Pidyon Haben = 30 days after if it is the first child of the couple.

Because the Pidyon Haben is a little bit later, if you had a small bris but wanted bigger, this would give you the opportunity to have a little bit bigger of an affair since it gives you more time to arrange.

ETA: A Pidyon Haben is not a bris, it is where you buy back the baby from the Kohein.

Liz4444 · October 2012

smilygrl17:
Liz4444:
smilygrl17:
Some brises can be extravagant while others are just like a meet and greet with some food. I've gone to a bris where it was a whole to do. It was partly because the couple had had a lot of trouble having a baby not that it was publicized but I think she may have had a miscarriage. It wasn't talked about that they were having trouble, but 30 days after the boy is born there is what is called a Pidyon Haben, where you 'buy back' your baby from a Kohein priest. The only time a Pidyon Haben is done is if its a first born, including no previous miscarriages. She didn't have a Pidyon Haben. I'm not sure what your religious level is or if you are an Israelite, Levi, or Kohein, but a Pidyon Haben can offer you have a bigger event since it gives you a little bit more than a week notice. This way, if you want people from out of town to come, you can give them this option.

DH is a Kohein and no matter what type of bris you are planning, unless there is a health issue, it is always 8 days after birth,

Sorry if I wasn't clear (which I tend to not be since I sometimes ramble and rant). My point was, in addition to a bris, if this is your first child (no miscarriages) and your husband is not a Kohein )not sure if the wife is the daughter of a Kohein), then 30 days after the baby is born there is another custom of having a Pidyon Haben. 
A bris = 8 days after as long as everything is ok no matter what.A Pidyon Haben = 30 days after if it is the first child of the couple.
Because the Pidyon Haben is a little bit later, if you had a small bris but wanted bigger, this would give you the opportunity to have a little bit bigger of an affair since it gives you more time to arrange.
ETA: A Pidyon Haben is not a bris, it is where you buy back the baby from the Kohein.

Got it! I was confused by the post and didn't think you would get that one wrong.

smilygrl17 · October 2012

In this case is does matter what the mother is. If she is the daughter of a Kohein then the baby does not need to have a Pidyon Haben, regardless of what the father is. Otherwise, it doesn't matter what the mother is.

Want a personalized experience?

Baby shower, bris, meet the baby...

Re: Baby shower, bris, meet the baby...

Choose Another Board

Search Boards