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Attachment Parenting
vanceke08
member
*~PAIF/SAIF welcome and encouraged!~*
high needs baby help
vanceke08
member
I have a 7mo FS and a 4mo DD through adoption. DD is very high needs, but not in the way you would expect, I suppose. she hates to be worn, she doesn't really like human contact, and she won't look you in the eyes. she is very socially withdrawn, even at this age, and screams when someone so much as walks over to us to look at her sunday mornings at church. She moves very stiff and her muscles are ALWAYS tight. I have never seen her relaxed; even when she is asleep, her little fists are balled up across her chest. I don't know what else to do to help her be happy. She honestly wants to be put on the play mat and left alone a GOOD majority of the day. when we try to love on her or hold her, rock her, etc, she screams. if we set her down and leave her alone, she is happy as a clam. help me. I thought she would grow out of it, but she is not seeming to, and I want to help her but I don't know how. She is developing a little flat spot on her head from lying on her playmat all the time, but that is literally the only thing she wants to do all day. i am so sad and upset, It has taken me forever to even post this on here; I want to cuddle and love my sweet girl, but she seems to want nothing to do with me. I feel like she has been sad and miserable most of her life so far 
what do I do?
what do I do? *~PAIF/SAIF welcome and encouraged!~*
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Re: high needs baby help
*~PAIF/SAIF welcome and encouraged!~*
Honestly, with what you describe, I would have her evaluated by a couple of specialists, including an occupational therapist and a pediatric chiropractor. I'd also take her in to see a craniosacral massage therapist. But that's just a start. What you describe implies *something* is not right, and she needs more help.
Do you know anything about her background? Drug addiction in mom? Abandonment the first few weeks?
*~PAIF/SAIF welcome and encouraged!~*
no, it's exactly what I think. I have worked with many many kids on the spectrum, and if I had to guess I would say this is looking aspergers. But I know "they say" you can't dx this early, but I think a mama knows. It doesn't change anything, I just want to know what I can be doing now to help her. I am aware of it early, so I want to be helping her early, in any way I can.
*~PAIF/SAIF welcome and encouraged!~*
Breastfeeding Counselor with Breastfeeding USA
Babywearing Guide ** Newborn Carriers
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I suggested those particular people to talk to because (like everyone else), my mind first went to autism spectrum issues (and they should be evaluated for too! EI is so important!). But I think it's important to rule out other things that could be contributing/overlapping such as a sensory processing disorder or physical pain. The fact that you say she's not relaxed even when asleep is a huge flag for me - that is very odd, physiologically, given how sleep is supposed to work.
(And I will add now that many people view this with skepticism - I'm still uncertain about it, but having a daughter who is sensory sensitive to some degree (no formal evaluation), I have used a number of modalities to help her.) The main thought, though, is that it can help calm down the sympathetic nervous system (stress response) and allow for the relaxation response to increase. I think there are a couple of different ways that they might approach it, but the one who worked with my daughter, and the one who's worked on me, use a *VERY* gentle approach (the sort of "can this do anything" sort of gentle) to find areas of tension and release it.
I've known of people who said it was WONDERFUL for their baby's colic (like, the only thing that made a difference), and other people who are kind of "eh, I can't tell if it helped". For me, I decided it was worth trying, because it wouldn't hurt her, and at the worst, I was out a bit of money. I *think* it's helped her, but I can't say "totally difference!".
I am so sorry about what you're going through. Just a thought...does your DD respond in any way to music? My 5mo DD is often very tense and seems to relax when I play classical music for her. Though she doesn't yet understand the meanings my words, she seems to understand and enjoy the music. Also, my young autistic nephew is really taken with the piano. I'm sorry I'm not more helpful. I wish you and your family the best and please keep us posted.
*~PAIF/SAIF welcome and encouraged!~*