high needs baby help

vanceke08

I have a 7mo FS and a 4mo DD through adoption. DD is very high needs, but not in the way you would expect, I suppose. she hates to be worn, she doesn't really like human contact, and she won't look you in the eyes. she is very socially withdrawn, even at this age, and screams when someone so much as walks over to us to look at her sunday mornings at church. She moves very stiff and her muscles are ALWAYS tight. I have never seen her relaxed; even when she is asleep, her little fists are balled up across her chest. I don't know what else to do to help her be happy. She honestly wants to be put on the play mat and left alone a GOOD majority of the day. when we try to love on her or hold her, rock her, etc, she screams. if we set her down and leave her alone, she is happy as a clam. help me. I thought she would grow out of it, but she is not seeming to, and I want to help her but I don't know how. She is developing a little flat spot on her head from lying on her playmat all the time, but that is literally the only thing she wants to do all day. i am so sad and upset, It has taken me forever to even post this on here; I want to cuddle and love my sweet girl, but she seems to want nothing to do with me. I feel like she has been sad and miserable most of her life so far what do I do?

jkeyros

I'm sorry you're going through this, every mom wants to cuddle up to their sweet little babies. Have you talked to the pediatrician? I'm also wondering if some therapy might help, I'm not exactly sure how, but it might be worth a shot. 

vanceke08

I'm not very impressed with the pedi. They told us she had colic, and that it would end around 3 months. then 3 mos came and went so they said it was reflux, even though she had NONE of the symptoms that they listed for reflux, like the burping, spitting up, and feeling soothed while eating.  It's like they have no answers for me, so they just dismiss me

dosafyre

I wonder if prenatal drugs, pre-adoption, or autism spectrum might be in play, in some way? I personally know nothing...but talking to other moms on the adoption board or experts now who do might help your little girl open doors sooner/easier? You are a good mama for being concerned and loving!

aglenn

I agree that it sounds like a medical issue.  I think you need to seek a second opinion.

TiffanyBerry

Honestly, with what you describe, I would have her evaluated by a couple of specialists, including an occupational therapist and a pediatric chiropractor.  I'd also take her in to see a craniosacral massage therapist.  But that's just a start.  What you describe implies *something* is not right, and she needs more help.

Do you know anything about her background? Drug addiction in mom?  Abandonment the first few weeks?

vanceke08

Tiffany, tell me more about a craniosacral massage therapist; what do they do? I know mom was high functioning autistic. I know that she tried to hide the pregnancy from her parents and had no prenatal care until her 8th month. no drugs. 

sadsadie

Get a second medical opinion. Please forgive me, but to me what you're describing sounds like an autism spectrum disorder (I hope I'm wrong). 

vanceke08

no, it's exactly what I think. I have worked with many many kids on the spectrum, and if I had to guess I would say this is looking aspergers. But I know "they say" you can't dx this early, but I think a mama knows. It doesn't change anything, I just want to know what I can be doing now to help her. I am aware of it early, so I want to be helping her early, in any way I can. 

 

ncbelle

I don't have any advice to offer that hasn't been said - just hugs. I would agree that getting a second opinion is in order - your gut is telling you something is off and it's worth listening to that. It is true that some babies don't like to be held as much but what you said about her always seeming tense just screams that something is going on.

biggdaddy4605

vanceke08:

no, it's exactly what I think. I have worked with many many kids on the spectrum, and if I had to guess I would say this is looking aspergers. But I know "they say" you can't dx this early, but I think a mama knows. It doesn't change anything, I just want to know what I can be doing now to help her. I am aware of it early, so I want to be helping her early, in any way I can. 

 

I agree that a mama knows, I always knew my son (high functioning Austism) was different, even though he was my first baby.  However, he didn't ever display the type of behavior you are describing.  He was very high maintenance instead.  But he doesn't have the emotional and physical attributes of Autism.  He enjoys hugs and kisses.  Sorry you are going through this and get some answers soon.

TiffanyBerry

I suggested those particular people to talk to because (like everyone else), my mind first went to autism spectrum issues (and they should be evaluated for too!  EI is so important!).  But I think it's important to rule out other things that could be contributing/overlapping such as a sensory processing disorder or physical pain.  The fact that you say she's not relaxed even when asleep is a huge flag for me - that is very odd, physiologically, given how sleep is supposed to work.

(And I will add now that many people view this with skepticism - I'm still uncertain about it, but having a daughter who is sensory sensitive to some degree (no formal evaluation), I have used a number of modalities to help her.)  The main thought, though, is that it can help calm down the sympathetic nervous system (stress response) and allow for the relaxation response to increase.  I think there are a couple of different ways that they might approach it, but the one who worked with my daughter, and the one who's worked on me, use a *VERY* gentle approach (the sort of "can this do anything" sort of gentle) to find areas of tension and release it.  

I've known of people who said it was WONDERFUL for their baby's colic (like, the only thing that made a difference), and other people who are kind of "eh, I can't tell if it helped". For me, I decided it was worth trying, because it wouldn't hurt her, and at the worst, I was out a bit of money.  I *think* it's helped her, but I can't say "totally difference!".

MagsMayMommy

I am so sorry about what you're going through.  Just a thought...does your DD respond in any way to music?  My 5mo DD is often very tense and seems to relax when I play classical music for her.  Though she doesn't yet understand the meanings my words, she seems to understand and enjoy the music.  Also, my young autistic nephew is really taken with the piano.  I'm sorry I'm not more helpful.  I wish you and your family the best and please keep us posted.

vanceke08

I have not trie classical music yet. I will have to try! thanks!!