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August 2012 Moms
PhillyGal34
member
NBR- Friend in abusive relationship
PhillyGal34
member
I don't know who else to ask because my friends are all friends with this person so I'm wondering if anyone here can offer me some insight.
A friend of mine has remarried. This friend has been in abusive relationships since HS... mentally and emotionally abusive and some physical. She has not told me the truth about them because she is embarrassed. She has told friends of mine who have told me. She divorced her first husband because he was a jerk and mentally abusive. She saw the way it made her son act toward her and she finally said enough was enough. (after years of this). She then met her now husband a month later and married him five months after that. He did all the right things, wooed her son, was sweet as pie. Then they got married and he became controlling and wouldn't let her see her friends. I find out he has been beating her up and telling her son that he wants a kid of his own because he is a piece of shi!t like his dad and that he doesn't love him. he had her sell her house and they bought one together. I believe they are trying to get pregnant, if she isn't already.
I don't know what to do. She's lied to me about how he treats her (I confronted him when he posted on FB that he hates her son and that she only cares about her son and not him... and then put on there that he was single) and she doesn't respond to any of our texts or vm's. Her family is amazing and loving and supportive and I don't think they know any of this is going on. I have tried confronting her but she denies everything. He recently threw her into a radiator and she had bruises all over her body and I'm scared he is going to seriously injure her one of these days. (not that that isn't serious but I mean hospitalization or worse)
What do I do? I feel helpless? I know I cannot fix this but how do I be a good friend without putting myself in a potentially unsafe position?
any advice is appreciated.
Our little hippo was as impatient as mom!
Hoping for a full 40 weeks!!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: NBR- Friend in abusive relationship
I'd try to make hints to her family... Or just talk to her family.
My mom seemed to attract the same kind of men. I was too young so I'm not sure how she got the strength to finally leave them, but I'm sure she couldn't do it alone. Just be there for her as much as you can I suppose. Wish I could help more. I hate hearing about men treating women this way.
Contact a local women's shelter and see if someone there can give you advice, perhaps one of their counselors. They are trained in this area and should be able to point you in the right direction. I know here, they can arrange for women to leave and go to a hidden location so the paramour cannot find her.
That was my mom's situation to a T. She allowed us to be abused and witness her abuse for 19 years of marriage. It affected us all into adulthood. Her son deserves better and she needs to do this for him. Otherwise, he'll grow up feeling worthless.
As an officer in training I can tell you this:
If you are suspecting a domestic violence situation that may end in a bad result, You can contact your local police station anonymously and report it. The officers can not disclose the information to the victim/abuser as to who called (anonymous or not) so you would be safe as in case the abuser (husband in this case) wanted to say track you down and harm you. They would have to investigate the situation whether they can while the husband is there or not is up to your friend (victim)
I hope this helped. I wish luck to you and your friend.
Do you have a local domestic violence hotline? You can call, explain the situation, and maybe get more professional advice as to how you should go about approaching her or what you should do.
My mom was never physically abused, but both her ex-husband was very controlling. It took her ten years to see the situation for what it really was. Then, she got married to a guy that is almost the same as her ex-husband (jobless, emotionally controlling, a mess). So, in my experience, women that are drawn to these kind of men are vulnerable to another relationship with another kind of the same man. I tried for years to tell my mom that her ex-husband was a piece of garbage and she needed to leave and all it did was drive us apart and cause her to keep more of the situation from me. In the end, she just had to see for herself. She's a caretaker...she just wants to fix everyone. Now, she wasn't in a physically dangerous situation though.
If it was me, I'd contact a women's shelter or a domestic violence hotline. Then, I'd ask her to lunch, without her son, and tell her calmly that I knew what was going on and had a way to help her. Just remember not to "tell" her what she should do. Offer the solutions and let her choose for herself. The more you tell her that "this is what she needs or has to do," the more resistant she'll be. For whatever reason, she's in love with this man...or is too scared for her life to do anything about the situation. She just needs to know that she has options and that she has you, regardless of what she wants you to know or not know. Tell her that you're scared for her safety and know that there is more that is going on than you know and that you're there for her.
SCANDAL!