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April 2013 Moms
chelchel77
member
When you want to keep the name a secret, who do you tell?
chelchel77
member
DH and I are finally starting to come to a consensus on possible names and we've decided that we want to keep those names a secret. He thinks this means we tell absolutely no one, I think it means we can tell our parents but no one else.
I grew up in an incredibly close-knit family who tells each other everything, he was on his own by 15 and barely speaks to anyone in his family now, so he doesn't understand my want/need to share this with my parents. Plus, my cousin just had the first great-grandbaby and kept the name a secret from everyone but her parents (my mom's sister), so I know my mom will want to know (and just might pull the 'but alissa told aunt judy' card).
In over-thinking this completely silly argument, I had a terrible thought. What if DH and I were to die in a car accident on our way to the hospital and miraculously, LO was saved. Wouldn't we want him or her to have the name we intended him/her to have? How could that happen if no one knew our chosen names? Ugh, now I'm just being ridiculous....
Anyway, are any of you planning to keep the name/s a secret and if so, does that mean nobody knows, or a couple trusted people are in on it?
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Re: When you want to keep the name a secret, who do you tell?
We're thinking about keeping ours a secret too, although we haven't officially decided. And your story sounds a lot like ours! I've actually already told my mom, and will probably tell my brother too. I doubt DH will tell anyone in his family, but he doesn't mind that I've told mine.
And wow that car accident paragraph came out of the blue! lol. We are updating our will to name guardians in case anything happens to us (which everyone should do btw - despite it being the last thing you want to think about). You could always add in a "if its a boy name him bobby joe and if its a girl name her sally may" clause in there.
I'm really not, it was just one of those random thoughts that popped into my head.
Though, it's not a terrible idea, I suppose.
I'm just curious as to how many people actually tell no one vs. someone.
We just keep telling people that we are naming the baby Voldmort Wolverine it's a pretty badss name, huh!
I didn't want to hear a single outside opinion or give anyone an opportunity to ruin a name for us. Plus, we were 98% certain of DS1's name and although I thought it was silly and that all babies look like babies, the name did not suit him when he was born. By keeping the name a secret, we were able to have the opportunity to change our minds, which we did. I can't imagine DS1 being the name we were so certain of!
This!
With our first we were team green and had a working list of both boy and girl options. The only people we occasionally shared this list with we're my sister and mom and DHs parents. My sister and mom were totally cool, understood it was a secret and kept comments positive. My inlaws however acted like they had a say in the matter and would give negative feedback when they didn't like a name. This was especially ridiculous to me bc not only did we never ask for opinions but all the names we chose were classic, timeless names. At a certain point i asked my husband to stop sharing with them but i think he got cornered a few times. Soon after our son was born my FIL made a comment that they were surprised by the name bc it wasn't on our list. I took so much satisfaction in retorting "oh yes it was! It's been one of my favorite boys names since I was in high school."
Needless to say our list this time will be a complete secret.
Wait...what? In your, self admitted, ridiculous thought of a car accident where you pass - your LO's name being "correct" is your biggest worry?
If you don't want anyone to know, don't tell anyone. If you want some people to know, choose wisely and threaten them if they tell.
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I don't think I want to open myself up for judgement like and tell anyone our choices. It is such a deeply personal choice and I would be afraid of someone hurting my feelings or being rude about a name DH and I love.
I've talked about it with my closest friend and she LOVED the name we picked out. She said we aren't allowed to change our minds or have a boy bc the girl name was so cute. I don't think I will tell any family. OR if I do I'll have to preface it by saying "we've already decided and don't care if you don't like it." Which seems harsh, but so is giving judgy looks and opinions when they aren't asked for.
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Certainly not. Like I said, just a passing thought during a tremendously unimportant disagreement between DH and I.
Man I feel like I have to clarify my post now! I did tell my mom, but we are very close and I know she wouldn't tell me if she didn't like it unless I chose something truly horrendous that everyone would be judging for me. For example, something with a really you-neek spelling or totally made up, which I personally wouldn't do.
If I tell her its a secret, she won't tell anyone else I care about. She has two ladies she works with who knew I was pregnant basically as soon as she did, but my aunts, grandparents, and close family friends did not know until I said she could tell them. So even if she tells them, I probably will not see them pre-baby-being-born, I don't really care about their opinion, and they don't know anyone else I do so they can't tell anyone else.
That being said, I've also posted some of the options on the baby names board, but that's because I'm not worried about my names being considered "bad" or anything, I'm more just interested if people like the MNs with the FNs, etc. Or to see if they have any suggestions I end up liking better
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Unless DH is comfortable sharing, I'd say mums the word. I'm from a really close family like yours and it would kill me not telling them but at the same time, DH's wishes come first. He might come around later, once you know the gender.. maybe.
THIS right here is why I don't want to tell anyone!!! How sad that the one name you two agreed on got that sort of negative reaction - and from one of your parents nonetheless!! I think I've already brought up a few names that are at the top of my list to a few people, but that was before we were KU . . . so I have a feeling that since we did become pregnant, most people won't remember what names I'd mentioned a couple years ago!
I'm insanely close to my parents vs. DH who isn't as close. But to me a secret is a secret and that means you tell nobody. That's just the definition of what it means, to me.
Plus, parents are teh most opinionated of all, and I don't really want to hear what anybody thnks of our names! :-)
As for our girl name, in the 7 years we've been together, we've agreed on one name. I'm terrified someone will make a comment and one of us will change our minds. Plus, the MN will change based on bday... my due date is really close to my great grandmother's bday, and a girl would have her FN as a MN if they share a bday. I'm pushing for a variation on my mom's name for a MN otherwise, and I don't want to hurt my mom if the baby does end up being born April 19.