41 Weeks Pregnant
allthegoodonesaretaken
member
Sex-less Marriage
allthegoodonesaretaken
member
I've had sex three times this year. There are several factors that have contributed to the lack of sex. Both DH and I have gone through some health issues so there was that. And there was us just being on different pages about life in general. We've been in counseling for a year and it has helped with many of our smaller issues. We never really got to tackle the whole 'no sex' issue though. The therapist says I'm being starved for affection. I want it so damn bad! DH just hasn't had a sexual interest and now when he does,it's has been so long that it feels awkward when we try to start things. How do we get past that awkward feeling?
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Re: Sex-less Marriage
Alcohol might help the first few times, although I personally think people can sometimes start to rely on alcohol to make sex work. A couple of ideas:
-Be intimate without having sex. Wear less clothes when you cuddle or go swimming together. Take showers together. Let him give you a bath. Skin to skin will help a lot.
-Make out like teenagers but keep your clothes on. Don't progress any further. Then next time allow hands under clothes. Then allow clothes to come off but don't go all the way. The teasing will help you build up to the sex.
-Mutual masturbation. Watching each other can be very erotic but takes the pressure off making each other orgasm/it feeling awkward because it's been so long.
It's going to be awkward the first time or 2 after a lull. Don't have high expectations. Sex tends to beget sex, so if you get through the 1st time then the 2nd time is going to be better and come faster than you think. Quality sex takes time. You will get there!
I totally agree with the PP's.
And, if your H is with you, you could try the "every day for a month" thing. There's something to be said for saying that you will have sex every day, come hell or high water. It gets you back in the habit. It gets you familiar with each others bodies again.
I've tried suggesting this. I wanted to try it for one week. I was even okay with just making out. As long as there was physical contact each day I'm willing to count it. lol! But unfortunately H didn't agree.
Yes. We always hold hands. I rub his back or give him a peck on the cheek when we are out and about.
He's just so unhappy with his work situation right now. I think he's borderline depressed but he only describes it as a 'funk.' He is in a terrible mood most of the time and good moods can become bad moods in the blink of an eye.
I had a similar experience.
Maybe your DH needs to see the therapist on his own to talk about what is going on with him? Men's sexual performance is a big internal issue and not something they are typically comfortable with. There is a good chance that he doesn't feel like it because of something physical or psychological that is more than "just not feeling like it."
We have definitely had times where things are not as good. A lot of my self worth is attached to feeling appealing to him, and when he's not interested, I am crushed. We have improved a LOT over the last couple years when we started really communicating about it. He's really opened up to discussing his feelings, like when he's depressed, etc. Having a bad work situation for your H can really turn things off.
Another big thing is not to talk about it when you're "In the moment." Do it during the day when neither of you is upset. Also make sure that you do try to do loving intimate things without the "pressure" of sex.
We're in that same boat, too. I think we've had sex 4 times in the last 12 months. We haven't gone to counseling yet, but I think that we need to.
DH also has no interest in it. I'm pretty sure it's because of me. I've gained weight since we've been married and I think he's no longer attracted to me.
We had a similar experience. I wouldn't exactly say it "backfired" but around day 4 or 5, we both just wanted to take a few days off.