Community› The Bump Month Clubs› September 2011 Moms
September 2011 Moms
New Discussion

"You've spoiled her"

mnewleemnewlee member
in September 2011 Moms

I'm not sure that there is a phrase that can make my eyes roll any more.

G's stranger danger kicked in full force this weekend. I'm sure a super long car trip and being surrounded by 30+ people had a part in it. Except for a few exceptions she really just wanted to be with me. 

To me that seems normal. Annoying, but normal. It's a common developmental phase and she's with me all day every day, I'm momma. 

My mil kept commenting how I'd "Spoiled her so that she doesn't want anyone but you" I'm still dwelling on how much this annoyed me. I'm very sensitive to trying not to spoil her since she's probably going to be an only and for someone to call my parenting into question is just aggravating. (especially my MIL who was not a great mom...at all)

I'm over reacting, right? Would this drive anyone else crazy?

 

*Also, last week at the library the librarian randomly asked if she was spoiled. When I answered "Probably a little" she asked why I would spoil her. WTF lady? I have no idea what prompted this question. 

Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
Report Reply to Post

Re: "You've spoiled her"

  • linzicalinzica member

    At this age babies have some serious separation anxiety. It wouldn't matter what you did, in a situation like that, she be uncomfortable. And really? What are you supposed to do? Bring strangers over the house all day to hold her so your not the only one with her?

    People are stupid.

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • MsCrispyMsCrispy member

    Personally, I don't think you can spoil a baby by holding them or loving them. I actually think you should try to spoil them in this way. I think it is important for their development to know that they are cared for.

    My DD is not big on strangers. She stays at home with my DH and she has rarely ever been apart from the two of us. For the longest time, if I was there, she wanted to be held by me. Sometimes it was annoying, but a lot of time I actually liked it. She has started to grow out of it and my MIL made a comment asking if I was glad about it...my answer was not really, I liked holding her all the time and didn't think her behavior was abnormal. I think my MIL was a little miffed, but whatever.

    I'm sure my DD will continue to grow more independent, but I will continue to be there for her if she wants/needs me. Those comments would and do bug me, so I don't think you are overreacting.


    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers Lilypie Maternity tickers
    Report Reply
  • mnewleemnewlee member

    Linzica, exactly. We don't know anyone here what the heck am I supposed to do, hand her to random strangers at the Piggly Wiggly? Seperation anxiety! For the life of me I couldn't think of that phrase this weekend, it was driving me crazy.

    Mscrispy, I think the same thing. I don't think you can spoil a child by loving it too much. If she learns nothing else in this life, I want her to know we love her unconditionally. Mil's are strange sometimes. Don't they remember having kids? (mine had 7 you would think something would have stuck)

    Thanks for validating my feelings!

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
    Report Reply
  • alli&danalli&dan member

    Of all the people who spoil B, I probably do so the least, yet she still always wants me.

    I don't think there's anything wrong with G having an attachment to you. It shows she trusts you and feels comfortable around you, her mother. It means you're doing a good job.

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
    Report Reply
  • memali26memali26 member
    We heard this a lot this weekend about both of our kids. We were at a family wedding and everyone was up in their faces wanting to hold them, and the girls were just overwhelmed and wanted no one but me and DH. People I've never even met were actually offended that my 12 month old wouldn't go to them. I was beyond annoyed, but DH just kept telling me to let it go. In his words, this just shows how bonded to us our girls are and that they feel safe with us, and we're doing everything right. If people want to be offended that we have that strong of a bond with our kids, then let them.
    Mama to two sweet girls
    DD1 Feb 2010
    DD2 Sept 2011


    Pregnancy Ticker
    Report Reply
  • bets2011bets2011 member
    You are not overreacting.  I would be furious if my MIL said that to me (but then again, it doesn't take much for my MIL to annoy me).  Stranger anxiety is normal and expected at this stage.  In fact, it was one of the things that my pedi asked about at our 12 month appointment, and he was concerned when I said that B WASN'T shy around strangers.  He asked several follow-up questions to be sure that my DD did, in fact, prefer her mom and dad above everyone else.
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
    Report Reply
  • mnewleemnewlee member

    imagefaupanda:
    I would tell them to eff off, your child is not spoiled, she is loved.

     "She's loved, not spoiled." I like that. That might be my new go to. With or without the eff you depending on my mood and who I'm talking to :)

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
    Report Reply
  • Yasiris1105Yasiris1105 member
    Ahhh! I hate it when people talk without knowing!!! On Matt's birthday party he was a little overwhelmed when he saw so many people after his nap, so he started crying. I hugged him and walked away to calm him down. My FIL wanted to get him and I said "give a moment to calm him down" Hos face was like "I can do it to" but he didn't say it. Matt wanted to be with me... and please it was one of the little moments I had with him cuz EVERYBODY wanted to hold him. Thank God he behaved afterwards cuz I would've exploded if someone told me he was spoild.

    I don't think that you are overreacting like pp said our kids sometimes get separation anxiety so it happens or they only want to be with mommy or daddy /Matt has abandoned me for H hahahahahaha/ but I do tell yoy it can happen again so just prepare a good answer or just smile and walk away... ugh people AND family :P
    image


    image
    Report Reply
  • GVSU-04GVSU-04 member
    I'd cut someone if they said that.  I'm sorry your MIL sucks.
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
    Report Reply
  • mchesneymchesney member

    My friend has a LO that never had stranger danger..she will leap out of her arms to go to ransoms. This is incredibly nerve racking for her, makes her feel bad at times, and seems very rare!

    My inlays were saying this to me, a bit too. It is aggravating but for me, more because I do not believe you can spoil a 1 yr old much less with affection, comfort or touch. A 10 year old with money and consumable goods, yes... A 10 yr old showered with affection...still not spoiled.

    At first I tried to ask them questions about their thinking to get them to explore their ridiculous statements. I then realized they were just in love with my LO and wanted her attention. Of course I still acted like a child and told them it was cuz she never saw them ( guilt that they are retired and yet had only come to see her twice)..so no good advice here but I hear you! ;) 

    Almost a vegetarian and almost pregnant
    Report Reply
  • jupiterthecatjupiterthecat member

    Separation anxiety at this age is not only developmentally normative, it is deeply functional. It a component of the formation of attachment security to the primary caregiver, one of the most primal of interpersonal processes, which will go on to form the basis not only for an emotionally functional childhood, but for lifelong relationship health. 

    In other words, your MIL is being stupid and annoying. That said, given that you say she is prone to being obnoxious in general and that she has no basis to offer a valid opinion, you may want to consider whether it's effective for you to take it so personally.

    This goes double for comments from some random librarian who doesn't know you. They're just making banter and mean nothing by it. Let it go.  

    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"