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Toddlers: 24 Months+
STMs - 2 year old with newborn
I just had my second DD 6 weeks ago. Throughout my entire pregnancy, we tried to keep DD1 (2 and a half yrs old) involved in the process and excitement of being an older sister (she has an older half sister that we have on weekends so being a sister isn't really a new concept). She seemed excited and did pretty well at first when I had DD2.
But now the jealousy seems to have set in...
She always says that she loves her sister and also talks about sharing with her someday...she tries to show her her toys...she tries to help me when she is crying by getting her paci or bottle. But, there are times (a lot of times) when she will act out by pushing hard on DD2, pushing her head, pulling her arms or legs, even a couple of times when she will tap her in the head or dive on her bouncy seat.
I have tried a lot of things...having her help me with baby, reading to her while I feed her (EFF), let her feed her, let her hold her, let her pick out outfits/jammies, help me with her bath, etc. I have talked for DD2 telling DD1 not to hurt her because she loves her. I am doing instant time outs for hitting/hurting...nothing seems to be creating improvement.
What should I be doing? When does this end? I am so sad that my sweet girl is having such a hard time accepting her new sister and I also feel bad that I am not comfortable talking to DD2 because, when I do, she (or I) get tackled by DD1. I just need some advice or reassurance that this too shall pass.
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Re: STMs - 2 year old with newborn
We haven't yet but my MIL is going to watch DD2 on Saturday so I can do just this! I am so excited about my exclusive playdate with DD2! Do these "dates" help?
Considering that it's been 6 weeks pp and you still haven't given her one-on-one (not trying to put blame on you) I'm not surprised she's exploding. Encouraging her to be a contributing family member and great big sister helper is still putting the focus on the baby. So yes, a "date" is in desparate need. If MIL is coming for the whole day take advantage of that. Take her to her favorite place and spend the entire day with her.
I really try to do as many things with DD as possible since she's a total momma's girl. Here's what I've done:
1. Pick her up early from school to go to the library, bookstore, park, bakery, etc. before picking up DS.
2. Baking. She started to really get interested in baking and helping so I started baking with her every Sunday. I even got us matching aprons! She's helped me make bread pudding, pies, cupcakes, cookies, etc. I take pictures of her making it and we always make a big deal about how she helped make the dessert.
3. Errands. When I need to go shopping or run errands on the weekends I'll usually take DD with me. She loves accompanying me everywhere no matter what it is so this is always enjoyable for her. I make a point to say "it's only you and me, no daddy and no DS."
4. Do other fun stuff. One time I took her to breakfast at a nearby crepe place and then I got a pedicure while they gave her a manicure. She absolutely loved picking the color and they even put a flower decal on her thumbs. Another time I took her to a children's museum for the day. We ate lunch in the nearby park and hung out.
Thank you so much for your advice! I am excited to spend the one on one time with her (even though I do feel guilty that I don't seem to hold or talk to DD2 as much as I did with DD1). I am hoping to make it a weekly or every other week date with her. I just had my 6 week pp appt so i can now be in the pool with her at swim lessons while my mom watched DD2. I do try to put DD2 to bed while DD1 is in the bath so I can spend the evening routine with DD1. What a juggling act, right??
Believe me, even after a year I still feel guilty about all the things I was able to do with DD at that age that I can't with DS. I have to keep reminding myself that as the second child it's just unavoidable. You're pulled in a million directions now and it can get exhausting. I just try to always make a point to hug DS a bit tighter, smile a little brighter, and kiss him a million times whenever I can.
There aren't any guarantees but things got better and more manageable once DS was able to sit up on his own more and interact with DD. That's when the fun began! Car rides are definitely more interesting now.
Thank you so much for the reassurance. I honestly think that's what I really needed!!
I think it ends when one of them moves out of the house.
My boys are 18 months apart. DS1 was a relentless bully to his baby brother for some time. It drove me CRAZY!! Now that they are older (3.5 and 5) they will play together but DS1 still does what he can to impose is biggerness on his little brother (little brother has his tactics too, he's learned, lol).
I'd quit trying to force the baby on big sister. Take time every day to focus soley on big sister without little sister even in the room if possible.
Yes, this too shall pass (or so I'm told).
Yes, thank you!