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Pre-School and Daycare
julieb00lie
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Dinner time woes
julieb00lie
member
Geez. The pickyness is killing me. I was trying to make sure DD had a couple things on her plate that I knew she would definitely eat. The list kept getting smaller. At this point, the only thing that she will for sure eat is fruit. I've found myself making PBJs, grill cheese, and chicken nuggets every night.
I'm done with that. Now my mission is to serve what we eat or go hungry. I'll give her the fruit if she eats dinner. So far, the first two days have sucked. First night she went hysterical b/c I wouldn't give her a PBJ. She sat at the table screaming, so I put her in time out in her room until we done eating. (I gave her the choice.)
So the next night, when she sees what we are eating. She just says, "I'm going to sit in time out until dinner is over. I don't want to eat that."
Well I can't be having that! She needs to sit at the table with us. So when I tried to get her to sit at the table she threw a fit..flailing arms and legs, etc.
I stay very calm the whole time, but it's driving me crazy inside. Dinner time is such a mess. I don't want to put alot of pressure, but I can't let her do whatever she wants.
How do you handle dinner time? Any tips appreciated.
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Re: Dinner time woes
Dinnertime is getting more difficult in our house too. Unless it is what he likes, he will say his belly is full and runs off. Then comes back saying he wants dessert (usually that means fruit) like 5 min later and pitches a fit if he doesn't get it.
We have not overcome this obstacle but we're trying different things. For example, we eat about 530 and we make sure he doesn't have a snack past 330. Keeping him hungry has helped with the dinner routine some nights. Also, we started a veggie sticker chart. 5 veggies and he can get a prize. It took over 1 week to get the first chart full but we went after dinner yesterday to get his reward (small car he wanted).
Other things i have read is getting the child involved in preparing the meal, setting the table. Logistically some days that can't fly but maybe it could work other days.
As for the variety of foods, I wish DS would expand a bit but i suppose we have made progress. I have pretty much stopped the chicken nuggets, grilled cheese thing b/c I couldn't prepare 3 different dinners each night (DH and I, DD and DS). Some nights are better than others but I empathize with you on the stress of dinnertime.
A friend of mine sent me this great article about picky eaters, because we have had a heck of a time with the nightly battle of eating with our 4 year old dd. Here it is, if you are interested. We've only done 2 nights, but so far, so good.
https://www.parenting.com/article/feeding-a-picky-eater?page=0,0&cid=fb&sms_ss=facebook&at_xt=4dcb380796396c3c,0
The only real rule at our house is that you ahve to come to the table and sit. I try to encourage her to want to eat by helping - either set the table, pick what we drink (water or milk); pick a veggie, etc. Once she's there, she can do what she wants - eat/not eat, pick what to eat on her plate. If she wants more, she can get more of whatever. If she asks for more noodles w/o eating her brocolli first, I really don't care, as long as its already part of the meal. I offer healthy options and then she chooses what to do with them.
A few weeks ago, she started not eating dinner and then throwing a hysterical fit about how she was hungry right at bedtime. For a few days I fought her about it and then decided to just give her a healthy snack right before bed - piece of bread and some milk w/o her asking. She stopped the fits and skipping dinner after 2 days of knowing that she can get a snack. She's healthy and eats well at other meals but honestly, by dinner time, she's beat most nights, so I don't want it to be a battle.
Dinner is the most challenging meal for us as well.
I have come to the realization that dinner is less about calories and more about social conventions and manners.
Therefore, everyone at the table gets the same meal (more or less, if it is a spicy dish, I will cook a bland version of the same for example). Whether or not the kids eat it is not my primary concern.
My primary concern is that they sit at the table for a minimum amout of time (15 minutes), that they are polite and when they are done they ask to be excused.
Dessert is not predicated on whether or not you ate your dinner (though dessert doesn't always happen and dessert can very commonly be fruit or yoghurt).
We are building manners bit by bit. We are extending the dinner 'time' bit by bit. We now ask (kids are 3.5 and 5) that you don't complain about the food, you may eat it or not eat it but don't complain.
I read this some time back about meal times that stuck, it might help your perspective:
Parents decided what and when to eat; kids decide how much
If 'how much' means none, then so be it. They're not starving.
I don't battle over food at this house....he will not eat what we eat, in general. As long as he is eating healthy foods (like PBJ for ex.) I don't care. If I make something for him and he doesn't eat it....it will be saved for when he is "hungry." I just don't have the energy to fight over every meal....
This is our rule too. I have friends that will do the short-order cook thing in their houses. I always said that I would never fall for that trap. My parents never did it and I won't fall into it either. I don't know if its because we have always had this mentality or if I am just lucky, but my kids seem to eat just about anything. If they don't like what we have put on their plate (more so for the 4 year old as the 1 year old still eats most everything without putting up a fight - the 4 year old was this way when she was younger too) we also have the try it at least two times rule. Most of the time DD#1 will end up liking it at will eat it. I just ask for a decent balance - if its three bites of the chicken and none of the sides, I ask for three bites of the sides and they'll be done. I like to think that I offer a variety of well balanced meals to my kids. I always take into consideration what she ate during the day, she usually eats a huge breakfast and an even bigger lunch...which, IMO, I think is a lot better. Another thing that my Mom always pointed out to me is the fact that if we fight her on it, its more about her winning the battle. If we go into the meal with little expectations, she realizes we're not going to fight her on it and she'll usually end up eating a lot more. As an aside, a funny thing is that when DH isn't around, DD will eat her dinner no problem. DH is such a push-over, DD knows it.
Honestly, I am a pick-your-battles-carefully Mom, and I don't care what people think about dinnertime togetherness - dinner time with little kids can SUCK. I have a 10 month old and an almost-four year old and I work full-time, and yes, we sometimes eat at the table all together, and we sit and talk about our day, blah blah. And yes, as the kids get older, it will be an important part of our day. Is it right now? NO. I have a baby who goes to bed at 6:00 p.m. and a DD who eats a huge lunch and afternoon snack at school, and who rarely is hungry at dinner (I'm told by doc that's totally normal, a lot of preschoolers do this and get their calories in before dinner). So she is required to sit and eat a selection of what I place in front of her, and then she may ask to be excused, and then she can quietly watch TV or read a book while her dad and I eat our dinner (DS is usually already asleep). ANd yes, she can have a snack if she wants before she goes to bed. A healthy snack to help her sleep (i.e. small glass of milk and a banana).
is it perfect? No. Is it way less stressful than dealing with two screaming children every night while I try to do ten million things and instill in my child the importance of a family dinner at the age of 3? YES.
My advice. Pick your battles. Wisely.
I wish there was a heart smiley - because I would give you one zillion.