How to respond when children won't let your child play

cryan06 · September 2012

Ran into this situation on the playground today. Was there eating lunch with a friend and a group of girls were playing near our picnic table. Their parents were out of earshot across the playground. My friend's daughter went over and tried to play with the girls. They told her they had a "treehouse" and she couldn't play. She came back our way, upset. Just wondering how other people treat this pretty common situation. What do you say to your child? Do you say anything to the other children (ask if your child can play, etc.)? To their moms? And if it's your child who is excluding, what would you say to him/her?

ridesbuttons · September 2012

While it's sad to witness, I don't think intervening is the way to go. Kids get to choose who they play with. Hurt feelings will happen.

I'd say to the excluded child that sometimes people aren't ready for a new friend right now and then reassure the child that she is a great kid with great friends who will meet more kids. Keep it simple.

countrymice06 · September 2012

ridesbuttons:
While it's sad to witness, I don't think intervening is the way to go. Kids get to choose who they play with. Hurt feelings will happen.

I'd say to the excluded child that sometimes people aren't ready for a new friend right now and then reassure the child that she is a great kid with great friends who will meet more kids. Keep it simple.

This! It is really sad, but I don't think you are doing your child any favors by shielding him from this kind of thing.

Worcbride · September 2012

We've experienced this problem. I praised DD for going up to them and asking them to play (she can be shy) and then we talked about how all those girls seemed to know each other and that it was too bad they didn't include her. Then I directed her to another group of girls to see if she could play with them but by then she didn't want to. That was ok. She played with her brother. It's going to happen and while it breaks my heart I'm hoping she'll remember (or I will to remind her) that she should include others.

saturdaynightdoubletree · September 2012

hocus:
It is OK to not play with other kids.

It is however NOT OK to hog the equipment and not take turns. It is NOT OK to be rude.

If the kids weren't taking up some key place on the slide or something I'd be fine with it. It is OK to be sad about not being part of the group but it is something all kids have to learn to deal with.

This. I also encourage my kids to speak up for themselves. If someone is in the way, ask them nicely to move. If someone is being mean, ask them to stop. If they want to play, ask to join in, it's ok if someone says no, there are other kids around usually and lots of things to play with. I only intervene if a kid is pushing, throwing stuff, or being unsafe and their parents aren't paying attention and I don't think I'd ever tattle on a kid to their parents unless the parent asked whether or not they did something.