Paternity Leave

RockyTopVols · September 2012

My company will pay for me to stay home 2 weeks for Paternity Leave without having to cut into my Personal Time or Vacation Time which is pretty sweet. I was talking to my father about this last night and he thought it was "very progressive of them". It was a back-handed feigned interest almost- like.. why would I stay home?

My SIL has the same sentiments. She thinks I shouldn't stay home either because it would "disrupt my schedule" (and she feels its her place to be at my house lol). A couple friends of mine asked me why I would want to stay home with a newborn as well.

I guess I am confused- is staying home with the newborn not as "in" as I thought it was? It's almost like other people (guys specifically) are kinda giving me some crap about it. I figure if my company is going to continue to pay me so I can stay home with my daughter- I'm all for it.

Just out of curiosity, how many of your DH/SO/BF's will be taking time off to stay with you and the baby? How long? How many get this time paid of specifically? Do you really want us to stay home? Haha.

this decaf life · September 2012

I would love it if my DH could take 2 weeks off. Unfortunately he can only take a sick day for the day I go into labor and one the day after but because he's in training he can't even use his annual leave. I would actually be really angry with my DH if he had the opportunity to have 2 weeks off paid and didn't take the time. You'll never get the chance to be home with your newborn again.

jessalared · September 2012

You're lucky, my dh would love to stay home as long as possible with us but has to use his vacation time to do it which is only a week probably. Yes I want him there!

2PuppiesHon · September 2012

Mine gets a week of paternity leave separate from his vacation. He'll be taking that and another week at the end of my leave. I think it's important for him to know what I'll be up to for 12 weeks and give him some time to come into his own as a dad.

RockyTopVols · September 2012

PrivacyWanted:

Also my mom"helping" last time was a disaster, and I don't want to relive that.

My curiosity has been piqued!

mrsodonnell12 · September 2012

Oh my gosh- what dad wouldnt want to stay home with their wife and newborn!?! I think its GREAT that you want to and you 100% should!

Honestly- I am jealous.... I dont even get paid maternity leave (and I work at a fortune 500 company, full benefits, full time, salaried employee)..... which is NUTS. If they give you the time off why wouldnt you!

I dont know what my DH will do. He is self employed so I am assuming he will go in for a few hours here and there. But I am pretty sure the will for sure stay home with us for that first week while I am recovering and figuring everything out.

martha919 · September 2012

DH has four weeks of paid paternity leave, which is awesome. Hopefully, he'll still be able to take advantage of it when the time comes. He's in the market for a new job (he could be making twice what he makes now, he's just in a cheap@ss company) and it would be great if he had one by the time LO arrives, but if not, at least he has the paternity leave.

bearkatjen · September 2012

I think thats awesome your company offers paid paternity leave! DH gets FMLA, and work requires any sick time or vacation time you have to be used while you are on that. DH is rarely so the man has loads of sick leave saved up.

With DS1, DH had planned to take 2 weeks off and one week part-time. I ended up being in the hospital for a week, so that first week of leave was spent in the hospital with me, and with him as DS's sole provider (they were allowed to room in with me). One week home, and then back to work pt for a week felt too short for our first baby, but we managed. I remember DH had called to see if he could extend his time off, and he was met with a little resistance.

DH wanted to take less time off this time, because he is at a smaller library and in a management position (and gunning for a promotion), so he doesn't feel like he can be gone too long. I'm pretty firm that he needs to at least take two full weeks and 1 week pt again.

Its just as important for him to have time to bond with the baby as it is for me. He is going to be tired, he is going to be adapting to being the father of two children. He needs that time at home.

artroyer · September 2012

oh geez. don't listen to all those guys teasing you about wanting to be home! if you're able to and want to - you should definitely do it! you will never have a chance to experience your daughter like this again ( as in, a lot of quality time in her first few weeks of birth!)

my husband will take a week (maybe 2). he can take whatever he wants unpaid at work. i am leaving the choice totally up to him, but i do have to say that i'm going to be SO grateful for the extra set of hands and the chance to have him with me for the first important days

Kangaroo11 · September 2012

DH will be taking two weeks paternity leave. It will be good to have him there for support when dealing with this big change in our lives.

EAMommy · September 2012

DH is taking 2 weeks off right after LO is born and then another week when I start the daycare back up. (He'll pitch in as needed as I ease back into routine...)

amh04 · September 2012

DH gets 10 days Paternity leave and will probably take 3-4 more days of leave on top of that. I definitely would love/appreciate his help taking care of our babies. I'm not sure if they will allow me to have a vaginal delievery, and if I am having trouble getting around - he's there to help. Plus, I'm sure I will appreciate his help getting both babies breastfeed at the same time.

I guess I do really want him to be here for the first week/two of the babies lives with us 24/7. There is so much he can help with and that I would appreciate his help with. Not to mention important bonding time with our babies!

GraceyandTroy · September 2012

DH's employer gives two weeks paid paternity leave, sounds just like what you described for you. And he's really looking forward to taking it. He also has a ton of personal/sick leave, so he may go back after two weeks, then take another two weeks a little while later. He's definitely planning to spend time at home when the baby comes!

Brummy14 · September 2012

DH gets one week paternity leave, and will then be taking a combo of vacation and FMLA for a few weeks (depending on when the babies arrive) -- and will be at home with me for a month. I will take all of that help and THEN some. My mom will also be helping out big time, but seriously, I couldn't imagine not having DH there for the grueling ins and outs of those first few weeks as we try to figure out our way through this!

Personally, I think SIL and your dad are the ones who are a bit behind the times...most of my male coworkers take a week off (if not more) for the birth of their babies. Since we're expecting two, DH is taking a bit more time.

mz07 · September 2012

I definitley think you should take it... and it's progressive absolutely in the best sense of the term, so take that your dad.

Also, I can't remember where I read this, but the more help and human contact the mom has after birth, her chances of developing PPD decreases. So look at it that way... and given what you've told us about the crazy, I don't think your SIL is going to be helping your wife in that department.

pghctwife · September 2012

you are lucky! DH has to use vaca time (and they wont even let him use banked sick time either). He took 2 weeks off with our son and it was great. My ILs came to visit then (so I wasnt solo wtih them PHEW). It was nice for him to get some extra time to bond with henry and get used to diaper duty etc, and give me a break to shower etc.

This time hell yes he is taking the 2 weeks off. For the above reasons, and also to give a HUGE hand with our son while I am physically recovering. I am not sure how easily I would be able to juggle a toddler and a newborn while I still have stitches etc, kwim? And to help Henry get some attention during what is sure to be a major adjustment for him since Ill have the baby attached to me with nursing.

sbevmc09 · September 2012

I wish fathers were given more time off to spend time with their babies and assist the mom while she's still healing. Family leave is terrible in this country though and considering what little women are given and most of that is really just based on time to physically heal and nothing else it's not surprising that most men don't get any paid leave when a baby is born.

I think it's an important time for both parents and baby. Just because the mom is the one physically healing or trying to establish a nursing supply, etc. doesn't mean that dad doesn't need bonding time with baby, not to mention the mom needs support too! Assuming that the father doesn't have any need to stay home or that it's silly/unnecessary to do so is one more throwback to men not needing to take responsibility for their kids/raising kids is women's work, which isn't true at all.

To answer your questions, yes, MH will be taking some time off from work. Unfortunately he doesn't get any specific paternity leave, but luckily he does have vacation time to use. Last time he took off 2 weeks. I had a long recovery and 2 weeks was really the minimum until I would have been able to be on my own so it worked out okay. However, he was at a different job and got 4 weeks of paid vacation + sick time. He's at a new job now and he gets 2 weeks of paid time off, which includes sick and vacation time so... we're not really sure what he's going to be doing because it would suck to wipe out all of his PTO for the whole year in January! He'll definitely be taking a least a week off, but to take more might just depend on the situation.

And yes, I REALLY want him to stay home. He needs to bond with the baby, we need to start adjusting to life as a family of 4, and I really need his help before I'm on my own all day with two little ones to care for! I wish he was able to take more time and I'm sure he feels the same way.

And TBH, I think a lot of people kind of discount the whole impact on fathers. I know that those first few weeks MH was just as exhausted as I was. Yes, I was the one in active labor for 24 hours and I was the one with a C/S, but MH was there with me the whole time, on his feet, getting me anything I needed, trying to actively support me during labor, getting little sleep in the hospital, helping with overnight wakeups once we were home, etc. He needed a little recovery time too (albeit not quite as much as me). He would have been a zombie had he been expected not to take any time off of work! At least he was able to sneak in naps during the day while he was home with us.

lulamagoo · September 2012

DH gets one week of paternity leave. He will take 2 days of it when we first come home (my mom will be visiting) and then the rest once she leaves.

He wants that time to bond with his family as do I.

LaurelBee · September 2012

Wait- your company is offering you 2weeks paid time off to spend with your new family, and some people are giving you flack?! Crazy cakes. It's obviously not going to be a vacation, but like PP said- you will never get that time back. I say soak it in my friend!

And your Sil is an idiot. She just wants to prove how invaluable her assistance is from the get go so your DW feels indebted to her. And so your DD has a fav auntie. I see right through her!

Dh had tons- TONS of sick leave saved up so he took 5 weeks off after Ds. Dh loved it! When else will you get to do that?! I loved having him there too bc *earmuffs* I had a rough recovery after my episiotomy and couldn't get up and walk around very much. He's planning to take 4 weeks off with this one

sjamin9 · September 2012

DH is a post-doc in a lab at a university near us. His boss has told him to stay home for 2-3 months and will continue to pay him. In his boss's words, "This time is an important one to be with your family. You can miss out on those firsts." We'll play it by ear for exactly how long he stays home. I'm planning on doing 6 weeks unpaid and 6 weeks working from home with a transition back into the office and also into daycare in the last few weeks. I think that DH will probably do the same. I'm very thankful of this opportunity and know how luck we are. I also very very much want him home.

aly&jj · September 2012

My husband works for a very small company, so unfortunately there is no paid paternity leave. But luckily he can work from home for as long as he wants to after the baby is born. He plans on working from home for the first 2 weeks so that he can be home with me. After that we're going to play it by ear. He may work from home a couple of days, and go into the office the rest. Luckily his boss (who is also the owner of the company) is very flexible and willing to work with him.

tinyhouse · September 2012

My DH took two weeks off when DS was born and it was very helpful. He'll be taking time off when DS2 comes as well. If nothing else to wrangle DS1 who will be 3 by then.

RockyTopVols · September 2012

sjamin9:
DH is a post-doc in a lab at a university near us. His boss has told him to stay home for 2-3 months and will continue to pay him. In his boss's words, "This time is an important one to be with your family. You can miss out on those firsts." We'll play it by ear for exactly how long he stays home. I'm planning on doing 6 weeks unpaid and 6 weeks working from home with a transition back into the office and also into daycare in the last few weeks. I think that DH will probably do the same. I'm very thankful of this opportunity and know how luck we are. I also very very much want him home.

That is awesome!!

ungraceful13 · September 2012

DH is taking 2 weeks off with me. He doesn't get paternity leave but is taking 2 weeks PTO because we can't afford for him to take time off without pay. I really want him with me but he also really wants to be there with me.

nycitygirl1 · September 2012

Wow, this is surprising to hear! I am not totally shocked at the comment from your dad in particular, only because I feel like that generation of men had a really different view of what "fatherhood" meant as opposed to dads nowadays. For instance, my dad was closer to the Mad Men era of raising kids...he pretty much went to work and came home around 7 or 8 but my mom handled dinner, laundry, kids, (and worked full time too).

I'm shocked your SIL and friends are giving you sh*t though. (Your SIL sounds kind of annoying to be honest. She probably is just trying to edge her way into those first few weeks and wants to be alone with your wife).

DH is taking 2 weeks off to stay home w/me and LO and I am really looking forward to having him around. He is super excited as well. It will be wonderful to have his help and support while I'm recovering and learning to be a FTM, plus -- this is a journey that we're taking together, so it's more fun to have all those "firsts" (like giving the baby a bath, etc) with him there.

Because his job allows him some flexibility to work from home, he will also probably try to work from home after those 2 weeks a little bit more often. Most of the guys I know who have kids also took paternity leave and are really into spending time with their babies.

I'm surprised other guys are giving you crap about it! Out of curiosity -- where do you live geographically?

akating · September 2012

DH has 6 weeks paternity leave paid (we think, still haven't gotten the specifics). I am thrilled. DH is the only person I can have at home and not feel like I need to clean and entertain. I know since I had PPD last time I will cherish any time DH can stay home with me and our kids.

BLPL101 · September 2012

My DH doesn't get paid paternity leave (he works for a very small company), but I think he's planning on taking off a week (vacation time).

RJM050705 · September 2012

I'm jealous!!! Our LO is arriving during a SUPER busy time for DH's work. He's already told them he's taking 1 week off, but it's using his own PTO. Who knows, maybe he'll get a new job between now and then!

JumpAroundBucky · September 2012

DH is taking three weeks off and then working part time for 2-3 weeks. He has been banking his vacation, so all of his time off will be paid. I absolutely want him there! First, it's so important for him to bond with the baby, and second, he knows wayyyyy more about babies than I do, so I'll definitely need his help.

brianabrad · September 2012

Take and enjoy the time with your wife and baby. My DH will take a week or two but sadly his will be without pay. DH's work schedule is a little crazy so we want him to have the time off to bond with baby and also help me out those first few weeks. If he went right back to work, I'd feel bad asking for help with those late night feedings, diaper changes, etc.

Also, as first time parents I feel like those first few nights and weeks will be all about learning and we both have a lot of learning to do. I think DH and I being able to switch off shifts those first few days will help us each get a little more sleep. Fingers crossed anyway. lol!

Does your SIL have little ones? If so, I would think she would know how hard those first few days can be and how amazing it would be to have help.

And Daniel . . knowing a little about how excited you are for baby I know you will be the father who is there to help and not just take a two week vacation watching tv on the couch while your wife takes care of baby. Take the time, enjoy it and help your wife with baby. Smile

erkie · September 2012

Paid paternity leave is amazing! Neither DH or I get any separate paid leave-just sick or vacation days. Definitely count your lucky stars and take it.

DH will take some time when we first come home. I'll stay home for 12 weeks, then DH will use up his banked sick & vacation time to stay home for as long as possible (8 weeks?). Then, we are hoping that he will be able to work from home or only work a few days in the office and we can have MIL watch LO until school is out for the summer (when I'll be home again). This means that we don't have to worry about daycare till fall and LO is about 8 months.

mbredin · September 2012

There is so much stigma around paternity leave and it needs to change. My DH gets 6 weeks, the first 2 come from his own time. He works for the state. However, he is realitively new at this job and doesn't feel like he can even realistically take 2 weeks! The sad thing is many men in the business world will side-eye a man who wants to take a paternity leave.

financialdiva · September 2012

Take the time! Who cares what anyone else thinks or says!?

jobiann · September 2012

If you got it take it. My DH is going to play it by ear, he may take 4 or 5 days off then go to half days. He works for his family agency so they are pretty flexible!

jenn248 · September 2012

I got a chuckle out of your SIL's comment that paternity leave would disrupt your schedule. You know, because having a newborn around the house won't change your schedule at all...

DH works for a nonprofit and does not get any paternity leave; he has to use sick or vacation time, and he doesn't have a ton of either. We figure he'll take at least a week (maybe two, tops) when the baby first arrives, then take another week when I go back to work to help me ease back into things.

As pps have said, I would be pretty pissed if my DH had paid paternity leave and didn't take it. I somehow doubt that you'd regret taking that time off, so I wouldn't let other people's comments dissuade you.

kenna_4 · September 2012

We live in Canada. I work from home. DH is going to most likely take a whole year off. I will continue working as much as possible from home.

Mommyluv384 · September 2012

Thats so strange ..my dh gets paternity leave and with out a doubt be using the full 2 weeks, I don't get why any man wouldn't use it and bond with his family. Help his wife out etc

wille2b · September 2012

My dh took off 2 weeks with our son and will do the same if not more when these ones come. Pay no attention to anyone else, your getting paid to spend time with your baby, who wouldnt want to do that!!!

ashbee0223 · September 2012

My husband gets 3 days off when the baby comes! I wish it was much longer than that!

Little Dawson · September 2012

I definitely think it's a great idea that many more companies now are giving fathers paternity leave. My husband gets a month paid time off, and it's great bonding time for him and the baby and our DS and allows for me this time around to be able to get used to having 2 babies to take care of along with the healing time that I may need. I think it's wonderful that you and most men want to also have this time to be able to spend time with the newborn!

smwiggle · September 2012

DS is in the Army and gets 10 days paid paternity leave that he can take any time in the first year. Lots of men take paternity leave if it is available. I would say ignore your father and tell SIL to shove it. If I remember correctly she is a PITA and needs to find her own life and stop trying to live your DW's life.

Want a personalized experience?

Paternity Leave

Re: Paternity Leave

Choose Another Board

Search Boards