- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
June 2012 Moms
Socialworkgirl
member
Feeling Discouraged
Socialworkgirl
member
My DD is 13 weeks old and I recently decided to quit my job instead of going back to work and I am very happy with my decision, but I am feeling discouraged right now about how things are going. I feel like I should have the hang of things better by now, but I still feel like I am not getting a lot accomplished during the day (housework) and sometimes I feel like I don't know what I am doing with LO (like now when it's 3am and she is wide awake and I don't feel like I can bear walking around with her to get her to go to sleep). I pump exclusively because I couldn't get her to latch on and I am so tired of it. All I want is to not pump and get a good night's sleep. I know DH wants our practically nonexistent sex life to improve, but sex is the last thing I want right now. (He is very supportive of me and does a lot to help but I think it's hard for him to understand everything I'm feeling. DD is still kind of tough to predict schedule wise and gets cries a lot when we are in the car so I am not getting out much either and when I do I feel like a small outing derails our whole day, but I think being home so much makes things worse sometimes. Alot of days, I feel great about things, but then there are days like this that I feel discouraged.
I know this is long and I'm mostly just venting. I'd be interested though to hear from others with similar experiences and what works for you...
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Feeling Discouraged
job as well, at least for the next couple of months, and I feel like I'm failing miserable at being a sahm and sahw. I feel like all I do is take care of a fussy baby during the day. I've gained weight since losing all my pregnancy weight because I'm not eating right nor do I have the time to exercise. All my baby wants is me to hold her. I'm exhausted and unsettled! It will get better! It has to! So far, we've got bedtime settled! She doesn't seem to nap more than 15 min here and there. I really hope to get a nap routine down. Starting next month, I'm going to be more proactive about it. We're moving 3000 miles in two months and are going to be in another time zone and a different climate. I'm fearing the move is going to offset any routine I have now. I guess we just have to remain optimistic and remind ourselves to enjoy and savor these moments, as they don't last long.
I'm sorry you guys are going through this : ( It was definitely hard to transition back to working full time, and I can only imagine how hard it would be to transition into full-time SAHM. From my SAHM friends IRL, it seems like their expectations for themselves are so high. They feel they need to be a perfect mom, keep a perfect house, have dinner on the table when DH gets home and be a good wife as well. That's a lot of pressure.
I know it's not really the same exact situation, but for what it's worth, before we both went back to work DH and I talked about our expectations. We made up a chore chart where we each have to do one small chore a day. We realize that keeping our house spotless just isn't a priority right now. We also worked out who would do what in terms of preparing & washing bottles, getting dinner ready, etc. It's helped a lot. As for being a good wife, I'm trying to adjust DHs expectations there too. During the week, there's no way we have any private time, so we just try to have quality time during the weekends when we're both home and DD is napping. And I'm tryIing not to nag so much....it's an adjustment. Good luck in your new roles!
I think most of us share the same feelings as you. Don't be hard on yourself. My LO was sleeping great and now she is up every 1 1/2h at night. They are going through a developmental stage and it makes them alert all the time.
Not sleeping makes us emotional and makes us doubt our abilities. It will pass!
I am mostly SAH, and all I do is load the dishwasher and do a load of laundry. My house is not being cared for. DH is cooking and helping around the house.
I am feeling bad about my body and have practically zero alone time with DH. If we put things into perspective, this is a short phase. Right now the priority is caring for our LOs. We can do it!
Sorry to hear it! I was going through this too for a while. Remember to be kind to yourself. Taking care of a newborn is a full time job. Doing laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc are just not in the cards on most days for us. I was feeling very down on myself too but I was thinking that if my best friend were in this situation I would tell her to take it easy and not worry about this kind of stuff. Be your own best friend. 20 years from now you won't fondly remember that load of dishes you washed, you'll remember the time spent with DD. Until things settle down give yourself permission to do the bare minimum-- feed baby, feed yourself, have a little me time if possible.
Also what is your EP schedule? I was pumping tons and then my doc told me it only needs to be 6x every 24 hours for 10 min each side. So far that has been more manageable and I have enough milk for DS. And it's ok to give formula if you need a break!
Don't be hard on yourself! What I did was make a list for DH of everything I do, and I mean everything and have him prioritize it.
Things like:
1. laundry
2. cook supper
3. take care of DS
4. blowdry and do hair
5. Workout to maintain body
6. walk dog
etc etc
I realize that this isn't just his choice but by doing this he now realizes that I can't possibly do everything on the list. He has become A LOT less hard on me and doesn't expect things he didn't put at the top of the priority list. For instance he picked that he wants me to get dressed and look nice and to offset that time, he decided it was worth it for him to take on the dog responsibilities to make that happen. This has worked very well for us because now his expectations are a lot more realistic and I am less hard on myself because my expectations are lower too.
The best advice I got was "get one thing done a day". My goal is to get 3: shower, eat, and get some sleep. Everything else is a bonus.
Thank you, I needed to hear that today. DH is out of town and I wanted him to be able to come home to a clean house. I'm looking at piles of clutter and a fussy DS. Can you guess which one I'd rather pick up?
I love the idea of making a list of everything you have to do and asking DH to prioritize. That's brilliant.
You are not alone!
I'm home with LO as well and believe me there have been weeks where we ate take out every night! I just had no desire/energy to cook dinner!
Honestly, do what you can when you can. Do not feel bad about the housework. My mom told me something important: LO always comes first; everything else can wait.
One thing that helps is that I have a laundry day where I have to do the laundry so that helps it not pile up. Other cleaning, I do when he's napping sometimes.
As for getting out, I need to for my sanity. Try to go right after LO eats. I'm talking burp and put right in the carseat!
I know it's overwhelming but your LO will get more predictable. Like I know if my LO eats, he's good for about 3-4 hours. It will get easier. Hang in there!
You're definitely not alone! Being a SAHM is really difficult! DH and I had a really tough time adjusting our expectations once DD came, because I was so productive late in my pregnancy, and now I feel like I don't get anything done.
I'd recommend that you find a few things that your DD can do for 10-15 minutes to entertain herself. If you know you have about 10 minutes to yourself, you can get a lot done in those 10 minutes! I usually have a rotating schedule that way... 30 minutes with DD, 10 minutes to vacuum and dust, 30 minutes with DD, 10 minutes to do dishes and sweep, etc. She can usually entertain herself this way on her playmat, in her crib with her rattle, or in the swing.
Also, have you tried adjusting the straps on your carseat? DD hated her carseat until I realized that it was pinching her funny every time we put her in. I adjusted it, and she loves car rides now.
I've definitly cheated a bit. I've been at my moms house now for almost 2 months... my hubby is overseas working (not military), so I've had a bit of a comfy time being at my moms.
With the being said though.. I too have chosen to be a SAHM, and so far, although I'm not technically home... its been crazy. Just trying to get outta the house is a major chore! My mom works nights at the ER, so its not like I have an extra hand to help all the time... so really I'm by myself all day long while my mom is sleeping. And I know once I do go back home, and my hubby is home, that he'll be at work all day. Arianna HATES HATES HATES her car seat, or the car.. either way, she hates it when we go anywhere... once we're there she's fine, but on our way to anywhere we go, its a constant cry and screaming fit in the back seat. I've tried it all... windows up windows down, white noise, toys, going before her nap, going after her nap... nothing really seems to work... so I hate leaving the house.. and my mom has (excuse the language) bitched about me just sitting at home... =/ she says I need to get her used to being in the car seat... well I'm sorry but after 3 months of going all over the place and going on a plane ride.. I think we should come to the conclusion that she just doesnt like her car seat!
Anyways.. I am fortunate enough (knock on the hardest piece of wood ever!!) that she sleeps really well at night... she does 5-8 hour stretches, and quickly falls back asleep once she's gotten her bottle... so I do get more sleep than I thought I would (although I would love for it to be a full 12 hour stretch....just once!!) And besides this week (and a couple of other weeks here and there) she's a pretty good napper.
Me and Arianna play alot, and I let her watch me in the kitchen by either putting her in the bumpo or bringing her swing into the kitchen and talking to her as I'm doing whatever it is (baking, cooking, cleaning) she loves watching me, and every time I look over at her, I'll get a big smile. I also let her watch me do laundry... i plop her on the bed while I'm folding it, and let her touch and examine all the different patterns and textures... she seems to really enjoy it. She naps in her swing, and sometimes when I cant get her to fall asleep I'll run the vacuum and that helps most of the time.
Then there are those things that I just dont understand, and I feel like "how did i end up with a baby that doesnt like baby things..." Like a pacifier, riding in a car, falling asleep on me... and I'll ask my sister for advice about certain things, and she'll say, "oh I never had those issues"... well... screw you and your perfect napping, sucking, eating, car riding babies (total joke, i love love love my niece and nephew!!)... but seriously.. how did she end up with these awesome babies that follow exactly what the book says to a T.. and I have this crazy lil peanut who needs to be swaddled, rocked, white noised to sleep.. doesnt like car rides, spits out any pacifier I've ever given her, has horrible gas problems and still hasnt given me a 12 hour stretch! (my sisters kids slept 12 hours by 3 months.... BOTH OF THEM!!).... How did she, my high strung, OCD, crazy super mom of a sister get these awesome babies?? And me... laid back, go with the flow, I'll do it later girl got this not by the book baby?? LOL..... My sister is literally gone all the time, she is the busiest super mom out there.. and takes super pride in being a SAHM... and here I am.. my baby is 3 months old, and I'm still at my moms house because I need a little extra support while my husband is gone... (oh yea, my sisters husband is military and gone all the time... ) *sigh*... I always knew I wouldnt as good as my sister... but sometimes I feel like I'm not even close.... but.. i do have to say.. Arianna is amazing, she is laughing, and smiling and we have fun together...
Anyways, I'm rambling, but all I meant to say was, if you feel like your not happy with your body... go for a walk with LO... Arianna and I have been going for walks everyday for the past couple weeks, and she absolutely loves it... I stopped putting her in the infant part so that she can actually look around while I push her.. and she loves it... and take a nice long nap after too!
Just remember girls... how long does it take a doctor to become a doctor? 8+ years??? Well, although we are women, and were women before.. this is a whole new profession for us!! Its going to take a while to get used to things. Being a mom And I've read that babies dont really have a routine until a couple months later... so hang in there...
bottom line...
go for walks
incorporate your LO in your daily tasks (and talk to her while your doing it)
Mrs. Beaver's kids were older when the show started.. who knows what kind of craziness her life was like before the show started!! (thats a joke..haha)
we're basically in training mode right now, by ourselves.. so pat yourself on your back... you've made it this far, and your babe is still alive!
take advantage of nap time. weather you take shower, eat something, or just have some "me" time... take advantage of it...
Aw, ladies, I totally feel you. My DD is totally a barnacle baby and NEVER wants to be put down. Which makes any kind of housework so tricky (even if I wear her in a sling). I like pied's idea that we should make a list and work with our partners to prioritize. As my friend Maureen says, new motherhood is all about small vicotries. I totally support your decision to SAH with your LO. I am a teacher and stayed home during the summer but to be honest, I am so relieved to be back at work (though I only went back part time).
Try and give yourself homework: one household chore and one errand everyday. I did this, and it was totally annoying, but at least I got some stuff done. And-- don't be so hard on yourself, because like most everything in life, this too shall pass. As always, my offer to dish about mindless garbage like Kardashians and Storage Wars (new obsession) still stands...
I know this is a bit late, but thank you all so much for your responses. They really helped me feel better and gave me some good ideas. It is easy to feel like you are the only one struggling sometimes and it is always so helpful to be reminded that others are going through the same thing. I really really appreciate you ladies!
Notfrancie, these are both my guilty pleasures! Storage Wars is frequently on our tv bc it is one that DH and I can agree on!
Kardashians Season Finale??? Priceless! I am totally Team Khloe and I hope she gets preggo ASAP. When I was pregnant with DD I told everyone that I took my birth class from the "Welcome Baby Mason" episode and that I therefore did not need to go to the ridiculous one offered by the hospital.
I have a love/hate relationship with Brandi and Jarrod. Dave is so annoying although I feel a little bit bad for him because you can feel all of his insecurity and anxiety through the screen. Darryl is too trashy for words.
This has been your TV obsessed notfrancie update!