Anyone else's DH not want to do first tri screening?

bananers · September 2012

DH and I were discussing first tri screening last night, and I told him I definitely wanted to do it, even though I can't think of an instance in which I would terminate for anything found. That said, I would want time to prepare if we were going to have a down's syndrome baby or something. Plus I can't imagine going between 8 and 20 weeks without an ultrasound. I NEED to see the baby for our peace of mind.

He felt exactly the opposite. If it wouldn't change our course of action, why put ourselves through the potential worry of an ambiguous result and the cost of an extra ultrasound.

I just feel like more information is better, but DH disagrees. Anyone else deal with this, and how did you work it out?

srhcmt · September 2012

I like your reasoning. With our first DH and I both agreed that we wouldn't terminate so why bother with the tests. I still feel that way, but I agree that the preparation would be nice. It's something to think about. I think MH would be of the same mind as YH though. I don't think needing peace of mind and preparing for the possibilities are in MH's DNA.

Cherry1111 · September 2012

We didn't do the screening. I would have gone either way, DH didn't want to do it. I thought the stress of waiting for the results would have been agonizing, but getting good results would have been a relief. I decided to agree with DH to avoid the stress. Maybe not the be reason not to do the testing, but that is why we made the decision we did.

jbranden12 · September 2012

My DH didn't want to, and I wasn't sure but we have decided not to. My daughter's death was unexplained, so anything they screen for was not the cause of her death. We did not do the screening with her because I didn't want additional statistics to worry about and ultimately I feel the same now.

Wilwarin · September 2012

We like to be prepared, so if the screening showed an abnormality, I would've liked to know. I would want to be able to read up and research on the findings and know what to expect. Perhaps set up services in advance. Money would be an issue, I imagine saving would be an even bigger priority if knew a special needs child were on the way. It didn't even occur to me to not get it.

Mom2anAngel2 · September 2012

DH and I both agreed that we did not want to do 1st tri screening. He knew that I was so stressed already, and I know myself well enough that it would add more stress. I am not sure what we will decide next time. I am usually all about being prepared, but I just could not bring myself to add to an already stressful situation. It must be difficult if you are not on the same page. I wish you the best of luck on working out this issue!

Eveanyn · September 2012

So many names for so many different things. Is the 1st tri screening what I would call an amnio, or the NT scan? If it's the amnio I would decline as well. That has too great a risk of miscarriage with it. If it's the NT scan (the u/s) then we did it. We didn't do it to rule out bad news or any determination of that, but just for PgAL peace of mind to see baby.

Mmm79 · September 2012

We agreed on doing the NT scan and blood tests because if we hadn't, I would have been too anxious without it. Having the screening and blood work come back ok, have been good psychologically for me. Plus, our insurance covers both in full. But I think it's a decision all couples have to make for themselves.

bananers · September 2012

Eveanyn:
So many names for so many different things. Is the 1st tri screening what I would call an amnio, or the NT scan? If it's the amnio I would decline as well. That has too great a risk of miscarriage with it. If it's the NT scan (the u/s) then we did it. We didn't do it to rule out bad news or any determination of that, but just for PgAL peace of mind to see baby.

It's the NT scan plus bloodwork. If anything showed abnormalities or higher risk, we could then decide if we wanted to do an amnio or CVS. I really don't think I'd want to do an amnio or CVS because of the miscarriage risk (though it is a very low risk). But I do want to do the u/s for PgAL peace of mind and to know if we are high risk for anything major.

MWoodside · September 2012

We didn't do it for DD or the loss pg. I just know I wouldn't terminate & I wouldn't allow CVS or amnio, so to me it was like why bother? Plus, without doing CVS or amnio you are not finding out anything definative anyway. They just give you numbers of chances your child could have XYZ. I feel like it would have made me wowrry more if I got news of an elevated risk. By the time that screening is done the HB can typically be heard anyway. That is more reassuring to me than an u/s.

panacea05 · September 2012

That's exactly how it went for DH and me. I wanted to go ahead with the NT scan for the same reasons you listed, and he wanted to skip it for the same reasons as your DH (not so much the cost concerns). Ultimately, he was more strongly against it than I was for it, so I let him "win," and we didn't schedule the scan. I'm fine with the decision, and I hope you two both end up happy in the end, too.

Cocobeee · September 2012

It was actually the opposite with us. DH wanted it, said it couldn't hurt to know, but I didn't want any false positives to stress me out. Ultimately, I think its up to you the most. You're going to be the one stressing the most and more directly going through it, so if you want it, then you should definitely do the screening. When I said no, even though DH wanted it, he knew it was most important for me to be comfortable during this time. I did consider doing it because I really wanted another u/s, but the dr will let you listen to the hb on the doppler which is very re-assuring.

KMac570 · September 2012

MH's and my stances on the issue were the opposite of yours. I didn't want to do it because I didn't want the additional stress and worry. An added factor in our case was the fact that our lost twin could potentially skew the results and create false positives. MH really wants to know though, so I did the screening for him.

Good luck with whatever you decide. It is a very personal decision, and there is no right or wrong approach.

Chame90 · September 2012

My DH was completely against the testing for The same reasons as yours. I agreed to not do it simply because even if my chances were minimal of something being wrong I am a worrier and could easily see myself dwelling on it. I hope you guys can come to a compromise that makes you both feel at ease! GL!

javagrl · September 2012

Best of luck to you in making your decision- it is a very personal decision. My DH and I were in agreement not to do it. We would not terminate either no matter what, but that wasn't our main reason for not doing it. We didn't really see the point as it doesn't really tell you anything (in our opinion)- it just gives you the odds of different abnormalities and even if the odds are not in your favor things could be fine. I wasn't willing to do any further testing no matter how the tests came back so it seemed pointless to us. I also thought that anything we could find out then, we could likely find out at our a/s or later ultrasounds and then we would have more definite answers. I don't really have advice on how to compromise, but I hope you find something that works for you!

StephRN23 · September 2012

My DH said he didn't want to do it because of the incidence of false positives. Plus, he knew that I would stress about it regardless of what the results were. I think he also we more inclined to offer his opinion because i was on the fence about doing it. Ultimately, he said it was my decision and would support whatever I wanted. I decided not to do it. I don't regret my decision at all. GL!