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Working Moms
PnkDingo
member
Moms who employ nannies, I need some advice.
PnkDingo
member
in Working Moms
I've poked in here a few times with nanny related threads because I am one. As you can tell from the ticker, I'm pregnant, it is my first (and likely only as I was told years ago I could never conceive...this was not planned or expected, but I'm so thankful for it regardless).
I have been with my nanny family for 7 year now. Since their oldest was one. I've been there through the births of their other two daughters who are now 6 and 3. My schedule has always remained extremely flexible, I'm never late (usually early), and I do more than I'm asked (laundry, house cleaning, etc when the youngest naps).
Up until I spoke to my Mom-boss about my pregnancy, we've had a really good working relationship. A lot of open, constructive, communication, and never any tension. I told her when I was 7 weeks, because I knew being due in February meant finding alternate care when the baby came, and I wanted there to be plenty of time for her to find an option that would work best for everyone. (The oldest has PDD and is very hard to redirect behaviorally, she gets physical when she's uncomfortable in situations, and her destructive behaviors make for a less than pleasant time for everyone, so it is REALLY important to find a situation that will work, especially for her)
In the past few weeks, the 3 year old has started a part time preschool program. She hates it. After working daycare for years before nannying, it is extremely normal to see a 3 year old melt down when their normal routine is thrown for a major loop. She has always been in my care in the comfort of her own home, and I've always attended activities with her, so this is VERY new to her, and it will take a lot of adjusting, but it's promising that meltdowns only seem to happen at dropoff and then she has a fantastic time once I leave and doesn't want to go home when it's time for pickup.
Mom-boss has started to have her own sort of passive aggressive meltdowns in the mornings, though. This morning when the youngest didn't want to put her coat on to go, Momboss told her (in front of me) "Well, blame [my name]. If she didn't have a baby in her belly, you could stay home, but she does, so you can't." She has planned to have the youngest start school this year anyway, so it bothers me that she is making it my fault that the youngest does not want to go.
In past weeks she's said many similar things, but never that blatantly. Dad-boss made it a point to say the other night that I will not be allowed to bring baby. I hadn't thought that far ahead yet, but in calling the centers around my area, there is no way I can afford to put my baby in daycare on what I make with their family. It would be 2/3 of my take home pay.
Because of the aggression that's starting, and the situation once baby is here, I know that I need to sit down with the parents and tell them I won't be back once the baby is born, but I do not want to leave on a sour note. I've been with them for 7 years and love the kids and parents like family, but obviously our situations have both changed. They need less care during the school year and I need more than one full day of hours a week. Obviously I want to give them plenty of time to find either a new nanny or a new situation that would serve them best, do any of you mom's have any ideas the best way I can talk to the parents without offending them, especially since the aggression is already coming out in not-so-subtle ways?
I'm fully prepared to have this conversation with them and have them say "Just leave." but obviously that's not what I'm hoping for at all 
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Moms who employ nannies, I need some advice.
Gosh, I'm so sorry you are dealing with that situation. I'm honestly not sure of what the right situation is. My nanny had an employer that behaved similarly to yours and she told her she thought they needed a different care provider thinking they would keep her until they found someone new and she could also get a new job. The wacko fired her on the spot, kinda a cut off your nose to spite your face thing. I'd be afraid if you told her a specific date you were leaving she would either get worse, or just let you go. It's too bad too because you have put in so many good year, it would be nice to have a good recommendation letter.
I agree you should probably just find a new job now and not let the situation deteriorate.
I don't make enough for -me- to live on (it's been -okay- until now because I moved back in with my parents when my grandfather moved in to help with his care and to kick some money toward their mortgage since my dad has been unemployed for 2 years now, and I can walk the 3 miles to work when the weather is good, don't use my car for much these days because it's a tank and gas is expensive, and I'm a frugal food shopper, but it's a tight budget more or less) so 2/3 of my take home pay is kind of a big deal
I've thought about going back to daycare work, and I've thought about going back to nursing school (I used to work daytime as a nanny and nights and weekends as a Nurse's Aid in a home care/hospice setting) while working as an LNA again, I just wanted to find a way to leave on the most professional terms.
That's a tough one. I'd have to say sit down with them, be blunt, but polite. You are happy to work for them until your due date, but you are unhappy with what is going on. If you are open, let them know you would be happy to assist them in finding a replacement (all of my au pairs helped interview my "finalists"- their choice). However, if this continues you will have to put in your resignation early, because this stress/attitude/childish behavior isn't good for anyone.
As PP said, be prepared for them to let you go on the spot, but they may realize that their comments are more hurtful than they thought (some people just speak their mind and do realize they are offending people) and change their tone.
GL
Yikes- what a terrible situation! So sorry that the mom has started acting this way towards you when you're trying to be so professional.
The way I see it, if you NEED to work until you're ready to go out on leave, I wouldn't have a major discussion right now in case she decides to let you go on the spot- I think you'd have a hard time finding another position while pregnant. I would just let her know that you're sensing this is difficult on everyone and ask if there's anything you can do to make the adjustment easier...maybe to just clear the air a little and make it more hospitable until you do leave.
Another suggestion- maybe start looking for some temporary/seasonal work now- lots of stores are hiring Nov-January temp staff to help with the holiday rush. If she lets you go unexpectedly, you'd at least have another source of income for the time being, and if she doesn't, it's a good way to save some extra money up for the baby at nights/weekends. The timing could work really well with when you're due.
Would going back to work at a DC work for you? I think many centers give deep discounts to employees, so maybe you'd be able to have LO attend the center where you work? Or start looking into opening a home DC, where you could keep LO home with you and take on a few additional kids to help with income?
Good luck!
Michael, the father to be, and I were in a long distance relationship. He recently relocated to my state and is looking for work. I do absolutely need this job right now, and I've been applying left and right for seasonal positions in my area for my off days, and my application appointment for WIC is next week.
I know the nursing program is a long term goal, I had already applied early this year and been accepted for the winter session, but because my due date falls in the middle of it all, I spoke to my school rep and they told me they agreed it was best to wait until next summer at the earliest, and they said they'd hold a spot for me for summer and winter session of 2013 so long as I gave a concrete answer about what I want to do by March.
For now, I'm going to keep looking for part time work on my "off" days and I'll wait a little bit longer to have the in depth conversation with the parents. Fingers crossed the nursing home I applied to needs weekends enough to overlook half my week being inflexible because I have an interview right after my anatomy scan Friday morning!