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December 2010 Moms
I need more advice from the wise Dec. Moms
My son is a great kid.... most of the time. Lately, he's just really pushing his luck. Tell him to get in time out and he ignores you and laughs. Put him in time out and he laughs and gets back out. Smack his bottom (which I'm not a fan of) and he pouts for a second and then laughs and goes back to his trouble making.
A lot of times this acting up can be correlated with being tired but some of it is just him being difficult. Part of me feels like he knows a big change (the baby) is coming and he's acting out. I know the best answer for all of this is probably "Terrible Twos" but does anyone have advice or suggestions for getting this kid to listen? H and I are at a loss. Terrible Twos or not, the kid HAS to listen. Please help.
PS- I really appreciate you ladies! I've found myself many times asking for help and I get some of the best responses. Love my BMB!
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Re: I need more advice from the wise Dec. Moms
Honestly I think it is the terrible twos.
What it comes down to is they are figuring out that they are their own person. They are learning to control what they want to do whether it's bad or not. Time Out, redirecting does nothing for DD and thinks it's funny. I will smack her bottom and she just looks at me.
I try to be as consistent as possible. If she throws/hits with/refuses to pick up toys, then the toys become Mommy's toys and they are placed out of her reach. If she uses hands to hurt me, then she sits in time-out. If she refuses to sit in time-out on her own, I sit behind her and fold her hands in her lap while I gently hold her in place for about a minute. It's so easy to become frustrated and yell or want to swat hands or bottoms, but I really don't think that does anyone any good at this age. (Just from my perspective; I'm not one to tell others how to parent!)
Also, I talk to LO like she understands me whether she actually does or not. So, when she misbehaves, I talk through it with her. For example, if she smacks me, I'll hold her hands down and say something like, "You really hurt Mommy when you hit with your hands. I like it when you touch nicely and give hugs." I doubt she truly gets it, but she will eventually.
DH and I have been working on this a lot lately (your description of LO sounds a lot like what L has been doing) to develop consistency between the two of us. I'll be interested to see what others think!
He's being a kid and a boy.
I think it's partly the age & no one is going to have a perfectly behaved child...I know I sure don't!
I was just reading in the babycenter toddler newsletter that disciplining in the affirmative is more affective than using negative wording. For example, instead of saying, "Don't throw your toys!" over & over, to instead say, "Be gentle with your toys" or something like that. Another example was instead of saying, "Don't stand on that chair!", try, "Sit in your chair, please".
It seems obvious & I try to do this, but I'm not consistent with it b/c it's much more instinctual to just yell, "Don't do that!"
When we're outside, I try not to say, "Don't run!" Instead, I'll say, "Walk slowly!" and that one seems to work really well.
When people at work ask how B is doing, I tell them he's appropriately naughty. I think part of it's the age, but it just means we as parents need to be extra sure that we're reinforcing the boundaries that we set.
I've also found that it helps if B has a choice. If I need him to go downstairs I'll ask him if he wants to walk down himself or be carried? If he doesn't choose, then I chose for him. After a few times of carrying a flailing angry toddler down the stairs, he's much better at coming to the stairs promptly (although it's still far from perfect).
BFP #2 5/27/12. EDD 2/1/13. m/c and D&C 6/21/12.
The book "Happiest Toddler on the block" has some really good teaching / discipline methods. The author's "toddlerese" technique has never worked for us and he does spend a good portion of the book talking about that technique, but the other methods he discusses have been great for us.
Here are some examples, which I'm sure you've already heard of and / or already use, but they work for us:
1. Use "time ins" - meaning, be sure that I really give LO undivided attention at periodic times in the day where I'm not distracted by anything else. This really helps because so often I find I am trying to accomplish 100 things and just giving her some quality time improves her behavior.
2. Choose age appropriate rules that are "deal breakers" and stick to your guns. Then, let the other things slide. We have a rule that LO cannot put her feet on the table. The first time, we politely remind her there are no feet on the table. The second time, we let her know that if she does it again, she will be removed from the table. The third time, we actually remove her. However, I don't care if she wears a bib or if she sits in a booster or stands on a chair. We just have the 1 main rule and it works well.
3. Toddlers get 99% of your message from your face, not the words you use. If you smile while saying "no" they will think it's okay to keep doing what they're doing.
4. Remove items that seem to be causing temptation for bad behavior and reintroduce them in a week or so.
5. Incorporate LO into what you're doing so they don't get bored. If we are making dinner, we let LO put the broccoli in the pan, sprinkle salt on it, etc. Yes, it takes 20 times longer, but she loves feeling like she's part of the action instead of causing trouble to get our attention.
6. We use time outs when LO blatently breaks a rule - for example if she looks at me and deliberately smacks me - there is no warning and she immediately gets time out. Right now, she has to sit on my lap while we wait for a timer to go off (one minute) because that works for us. We may have to get a mat or a chair in the future to use as she gets bigger.
GL - this age is very trying!!! Some days, I need a time out!
Can you do a natural consequences thing for this? Like, if he throws them over the gate, they just stay there and then he can't play with them for the whole day? Start with fewer toys so it gets frustrating quickly. Sometimes this works with A. Like if he turns the television off after I told him to stop, his show gets turned off and that's it. TV stays off.
Honestly your time out description is why I do not do time outs yet...I think they are too young to get it, so it can turn into a joke. He doesn't really see a problem with having to sit somewhere. We are still redirecting/ignoring silly tantrums. The only thing I don't ignore is biting and pinching. I hold his arms firmly at his side and say. No. Absolutely no hitting/biting, etc. I hold his arms down for a minute. He only bites or hits me though, haha. I know not everyone agrees with me on the time out thing, but it is something we plan to introduce probably in just a few months, after he is two.
If this is the biggest thing he gets in trouble for, I'd just tell him NO and not get the toy again for him. Or if it's in a place he could get it again himself, take it away. If my guys don't play nicely with a toy or they throw it repeatedly, it gets put away for a while.
My DS2 would also laugh at us when we said NO up until about a month ago- my DS1 never did this!!!! His biggest offense is touching things he shouldn't. So we'd say NO. If he did it again, we said NO AND removed him from the object and plopped him down somewhere else. And we just repeated this until he stopped.
It's frustrating as hell, but he eventually started listening!! I did do a T.O. a few times if he REALLY wouldn't stop, but honestly I think they're too little to really "get" time-outs.
GL!!!
I agree with this as well... I use it for both my guys- especially when they are sharing nicely, playing with their toys nicely, petting the cat gently, etc... it's hard- especially with my older one who tends to whine constantly lately!! The back-talking 3's are troubbbbble!
This is good stuff. I need to try it with G.