When to let family visit at the hospital

adamstentzel · September 2012

I know that the only person I want in the delivery room with me is my husband and I haven't had anybody argue about it. But as far as sitting in the waiting room and visiting after the baby is born, everyone seems to have their own ideas of what they want and some (like my MIL) isn't listening to what I want. I would rather just go to the hospital, have the baby, and then once we are all ready call our parents and tell them they can come and see us. I don't see the point of having anyone sitting around in the waiting room for hours and insisting on coming up to visit me and the baby before we are ready, but that is exactly how my MIL wants to do it and isn't going to take no for an answer. My mom is fine with whatever I want because she remembers how she felt when she had me and my sister and she had the same idea I did. My dad however is now starting to make comments about wanting to be at the hospital early. When did you let family know you were at the hospital? How did you deal with family members who weren't willing to go along with your plan?

FrickandFrack · September 2012

We were induced with the first and everyone came to the hospital. It actually got really annoying and I wish I would have just told everyone when the baby arrived. This time, I am going to call everyone after the baby is born. I think you should do the same but make sure DH is on the same page. They can't really not go along with the plan if you don't let them know anything is happening.

mben1119 · September 2012

Just don't call them until it is all said and done if you don't want them there. How would they know if you don't tell them? If they find out and show up, tell the medical staff not to let them back until you are ready for them. Don't give on this now-otherwise you'll find yourself giving in on lots of other things when it comes to raising your child.

angielayne926 · September 2012

Just don't tell anyone till after baby comes. Then you don't need to worry about it. Bottom line....you don't need to have anyone in there till you're ready. If they want to hangout in the waiting room, that's their choice.

sweetiebird726 · September 2012

There's nothing that says you have to let people into your room until you're ready for them.

At least at the hospital where I will be delivering, I need to give the front reception area permission to let visitors back. Just tell the nurses that you want no visitors until you say so. It won't be your fault if they choose to sit in the waiting room forever.

526SadieSadie · September 2012

I'd check with your hospital. Where I delivered (a hospital basically just for women and infants) there was no "waiting room" They allowed my mom and DH in the room with me when I was pushing and my dad had to sweet-talk the security guard into letting him sit in a hallway. The second shift security guard almost made dad leave but didn't.

In other words, waiting around for you to deliver might not even be an option for your MIL.

superned · September 2012

We told everyone that they could do what they wanted, but that only DH would be in the delivery room with me and that we were planning to take time ALONE after baby was born to start BF and to bond as a family. My mom was fine with that and I made it her job (and the nursing staff, as back-up) to make sure that my ILs respected our decision.

However...after a complication-free pregnancy and labor, DD was born in respiratory distress and had to be taken to the NICU less than a half hour after she was born. I told DH to go with her, which left me all alone in recovery, partially out of it and worried about DD. I was so thankful at that point that I could send the nurse to the waiting room to get my mom. DH was also to talk with his parents in the waiting room while he was waiting for the doctors to finish running tests on DD.

So...there was a benefit for me to having family in the waiting room. If I had thought at any point that they would have given an issue about visiting, I would have let the nurses know. They will keep unwanted visitors out of your room until you're ready.

KSullivan100 · September 2012

No matter what we say, I know there will be probably 20 people sitting in the waiting room and trying to shove their way into our room once the baby is born.

I am going to beg and plead with the doctors and nurses to give us that "golden hour" to be with the baby, myself and my husband after I am cleaned up and comfortable before we have so many guests. (I'm going to ask them to tell the family members that they are "working" on me, or "cleaning up mom and baby" etc. I'll let the hospital staff be the bad guys. We just want the first little bit alone with the baby. Also, I want to BF and will use that as a reason why people need to leave the room.)

nealbl · September 2012

We were induced at night. We kept family up to date as to the progress I was making. When the contractions started getting really bad the next morning I requested to have my Mom come. She was only 5 min from the hospital as is most of our family. She came up and then MIL came by before she went to work. She was going to go to work until we let her know things were getting close. Same for my Dad and FIL. They all wanted to be in waiting room and I was really ok with that. It was comforting for me. However while MIL was there and my Mom was there that is when they said her DD's heart rate was dropping and they put my on oxygen. Both DH and I were terrified. Our Mom's stayed with us and I am thankful for that. Then about an hour after that everyone came rushing in told DH to suit up we were headed for OR. Our parents took care of making sure all our bags were moved and were just really nice to have around. Both sets of parents were actually in our stay in room before we were. I was in recovery for about an hour with DH and DD and then I was wheeled into our next room and there everyone was. I really loved it. I loved showing off DD. Now we are a really close knit family and we all get along really well so it was awesome.

IMO you put your foot down and tell them right now what you would like. If MIL insists on sitting in waiting room, let her. Just tell the nurses up front that you do not want visitors until you are ready and to not let anyone back.

wannabigfam · September 2012

The best option, in my opinion, is to not call ANYONE when you go into labor. Don't text, don't post on facebook, etc. Just go to the hospital, do your thing, deliver the baby, enjoy those first few hours and then call to announce the news. Otherwise, you run the risk of having to deal w/ family that doesn't follow your instructions re: when to come to the hospital which sounds like it would just stress you out (which is not good for progression of labor).

We didn't call anyone until after baby was born w/ our first and it was really a great decision. Family came the next day (our little guy was born in the evening) and so the process was stress free and peaceful. I'm very close to my family but just didn't want to feel "rushed" or pressured knowing that people were waiting for us in the waiting room. I also didn't want anyone "worrying" about my health or the baby's health - if they don' tknow you're in labor, they can't worry :-) Also we didn't want anyone there bothering us in case things went wrong during labor.

anonymous · September 2012

I get that people are excited about babies, but I really, REALLY don't understand the grandmas getting pushy. Sure, the baby is really cute, but the only way he/she is getting here is for the mother-to-be to have a major medical procedure.

If you were having surgery on your kidney or getting your stomach pumped, people would me far more inclined to give you space and actual help instead of crowding the room while you've got your bare ass in the air.

It's weird.

We're lucky to live on the other side of the country, so no one really can visit us that early (although they have tried). My MIL is putting us in the same boat and, as much as I hate it, I'm having my husband explain it to her and let him be the bad guy. She takes it better from him, anyway. If he just tells her he wants some privacy with you, she might understand.

GL.

IEtoLA · September 2012

With DD1, we told everyone what our wishes were from the beginning. The plan was for my mom and sister to be there in addition to DH because he worked 2 hours away and depending on the situation and needed the support. My father was also on standby just to get my things for any of them just case. Nobody else was to show up. My other siblings were told I was in labor but were not to show up. My in laws were also notified that I was in labor but again told not to show up and they would be notified when she was born and along with the rest of my immediate family could show up after. My ILs decided to show when they felt like it and brought people with them, against our wishes, and caused drama about other issues. Needless to say this time, nobody but my parents and sister will be notified because I will need help with DD and the rest of the family will not be called until I'm in my room and recovering. It's your family. Do what you want. My hospital asked when I did my preadmit forms if I wanted my name listed or visitors allowed. I told them it depends and they said I can just not list myself and then let those I want up in my room know what room I'm in on my own. I know, it sounds much, but when people don't respect boundaries, I no longer care about their feelings.

MichelleL1118 · September 2012

My hospital has a secured labor/delivery/recovery wing. Unless they're overflowing with people (only 8 rooms in the wing), you stay in the secured area until you go home - and that means no one can force their way in. They have to call from a phone outside the doors to the L/D/R area, then the nurse will call the patient room to get permission to let the guests in, and even then, visitors are only allowed in 2 at a time. The waiting rooms are all outside the secured unit. So for me, this isn't even a concern, since there's no way anyone can force their way in.

When DS was born, I was moved outside of the secure unit about 6 hours after he was born, and at that point, visitors had free reign, but luckily everyone respected our wishes.

I also had the hospital put me on "privacy restrictions," which meant my name wasn't in the patient directory (so no phone calls on the room phone) and wasn't posted on the wall charts for the nursing staff, and the front desk people could not even confirm that I was a patient. So no one could visit without me or DH first giving them our room number. I intend to do exactly the same thing again this time.

graciesmurf · September 2012

This is actually an issue I had with my dad. Apparently when I was born my parents had both sets of their parents and my big sister (who was 18 months) in the delivery room. He remembers it as a special moment and is bummed that he doesn't get to experience it from a grandpa POV.

I know that when I go into labor I have a job to do. I do not want to entertain people and I do not want to be distracted. If (God forbid) there is a problem I do not want anyone in the way of the doctors and nurses.

My plan is to let DH call the "grandparents" when she has been born, cleaned off, tried to breastfeed and I am done being stiched up and have showered or at least cleaned up a little. DH wants to have some family time with just us 3 before extended family gets there. He also said that it'd be nice to get something to eat and get cleaned up before anyone shows up (if it takes a while for her to get here I'm sure he'll be starving and stinky). It will take DH's parents 20 minutes to drive to the hospital. It will take my parents 1 1/2 hours to drive to the hospital.

The reason this plan works is because DH and I are on the same page about not calling untill we are ready for visitors.

lindseywit · September 2012

We didn't call anyone until after DS was born. Our hospital also has a policy that no one but the mother and father are allowed to be with the baby for the first 2 hrs after birth to help with the bonding process. This helped a lot with the arguments of me not wanting anyone there waiting for me to give birth. Good Luck!

LGalipp19 · September 2012

Our hospital has a policy about no visitors until 2 hours after birth (or until the mother allows) and is really strict with it (thank goodness!) I told my MIL this and she got really upset and said "That is crap! We had people in to see the baby right away!" I am so glad that they have that rule because it will give me, DH and baby bonding time without feeling rushed and when we are ready, we can tell the nurses to let them in. Most of our family seemed kind of offended when I said I didn't want to be rushed and I liked the rule but who cares. The bottom line is that the nurses are usually on your side and if you strong express your desire for no visitors then they are usually really good to help with that! Our nurses even created a code word and if you say "My IV is bothering me, can you check it?" then they will shoo everyone out

dpraseutsinh · September 2012

i told my family (both mine and in-laws) straight up how i wanted the visiting to go. DH is the ONLY one allowed in the room during labor and delivery. i want at least a couple hours for our little family to bond and to breastfeed her. then other family members and friends are allowed to see the baby. luckily though, both sides of the family understood where i was coming from (at least i think, they didn't say anything at least). to be honest, i don't care how they feel about my decisions anyway. this is our child and MY labor and delivery. i'd be damned if someone just decided to show up and do whatever. i understand everyone's excited to meet the baby, but SO I AM I, you know, her mother... the one that carried her for 9 months.

kateraid · September 2012

The only one who will know I'm in labour besides DH is my mom who I also want there for support. Once baby J is out, she is going to leave the room for an hour while DH and I have bonding time and she will make the calls announcing his birth to other family members/in laws. I have even had coworkers suggest they're coming to wait while I'm in labour. Yah right. Nobody is going to rush me or push my boundaries. This is your baby so do what you're comfortable with.

palma44 · September 2012

Family....

Me and my mom had a big issue with this. I totally agree with you, I would like to call family and tell them they can come up when we are ready. Last time I just had to give up and let them be in the waiting room, i figured if they wanted to waste their time whatever, but I did not let them come back to see me.

Next time my mom will be watching DD1 and I don't want her to have to be sitting around in the waiting room, so they will just have to wait as will everyone else.

I feel like the birth of my child is about me and DH before anyone else and this is one place I am fine with putting my foot down.

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