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Update on us

twister22twister22 member
in Blended Families

Sorry this is so long... 

Background: BD & I have a DS(4). BD has a DD(1) w/ BM2 (they broke up at the beginning of the summer after being together a little less then two years.) DH and I have a DD due in December. Per the CO BD should have DS EOWE and an evening visit on the non-weekend weeks. He doesn't take the evening visits (never shows up and never says anything.) Instead of EOWE, he takes DS E3WE (Every 3rd WeekEnd) for three days so his times with DS line up with when he has his DD (BD requested it and I agreed so long as it doesn't interfere with our schedule.)

BD got a new gf a few weeks ago. I think the only reason he waited so long was because he was trying to get BM2 back, but it looks like he's given up on that. BD had DS and his DD around gf during his last visit with both kids. Not a big deal, just what's going on - it's his time and his business.

Towards the end of August BD informed me that he would be gone almost the entire month of September. Umm, okay? He said he wouldn't get to see his DD at all because BM2 wasn't being flexible, but he was wondering if he could see DS. I said sure, and then offered him his weekend back at the end of the month that he had previously switched. He said no thanks, he would be too tired from his trip to see DS. Okay, so you're just not going to see DS for a month and a half?

I didn't hear anything from him until a few days before he was supposed to leave, and he calls and asks to see DS before he leaves, saying he doesn't want an overnight or anything (I was more than willing to give him one..) We go back and forth with me asking what day/times he wants and him basically wanting me to decide everything for him.

He comes to pick up DS (surprisingly on time) and asks what he should do with DS. Really? You need me to plan your day for you? He ended up taking DS out with his new gf for a 2nd breakfast, to the park, out for lunch, and then to another park. He then texts me to come get DS from the park early (he was supposed to have 8 hours, he texts me after 6.5).

BD's priorities just sadden me, and my heart breaks for DS.

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Re: Update on us

  • bdbelladonnabdbelladonna
    I agree at least he seen him. It is somewhat of an effort.
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  • hopankahopanka member
    Somewhat of an effort, PP? really? Seeing your own child for 6 hrs and then not seeing them for a month - sorry, I don't call that effort. That's pathetic - totally agree with OP. This is this child's dad who is not supposed just see him every once in a while, he should actually help raise him, shape his personality, view on life...etc, share various experiences with him. "seeing" a child for a few hours is not even close to "making an effort". Kinda sick of people giving these douche bags a pass, because they make it to a few visits here and there.
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  • wwnbwwwnbw member

    imagehopanka:
    Somewhat of an effort, PP? really? Seeing your own child for 6 hrs and then not seeing them for a month - sorry, I don't call that effort. That's pathetic - totally agree with OP. This is this child's dad who is not supposed just see him every once in a while, he should actually help raise him, shape his personality, view on life...etc, share various experiences with him. "seeing" a child for a few hours is not even close to "making an effort". Kinda sick of people giving these douche bags a pass, because they make it to a few visits here and there.

    Yes

    My jaw hit the floor when I read the first two comments. That is not effort!

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  • blush64blush64 member

    imagehopanka:
    Somewhat of an effort, PP? really? Seeing your own child for 6 hrs and then not seeing them for a month - sorry, I don't call that effort. That's pathetic - totally agree with OP. This is this child's dad who is not supposed just see him every once in a while, he should actually help raise him, shape his personality, view on life...etc, share various experiences with him. "seeing" a child for a few hours is not even close to "making an effort". Kinda sick of people giving these douche bags a pass, because they make it to a few visits here and there.

    I agree. This was not an effort for his child, this was done for himself.

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  • twister22twister22 member
    I'm glad he at least saw him before his trip. I will continue to be flexible with BD and accommodate short-notice visits so long as it is not interfering with my family's schedule. DS will know that I encouraged the relationship between him and BD, and never tried to stop them from seeing one another. I feel that's all I can do - it's not my job to call up BD and make him see DS and make him be a good dad.
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