Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
Kristen050
member
Re: Anyone have a successful VBAC after full dilation with previous pregnancy?
I did! With DD1, I dilated to 10, pushed for an hour and she never dropped. Her heart rate would fall with every push. She was OP and was not budging. I was induced with her 5 days before my due date because my blood pressure was elevated. No epidural, only nubane late into day 2 of induction.
With DD2, my VBAC baby I went into labor on my own 1 day before my due date. Labored at home for 12 hours. Went in and had her 5 hours later. Pushed for an hour and a half. She was also OP and 2 pounds heavier than her sister. I pushed on my side for awhile and that helped her to get under the pubic bone. I did have an epidural, but it only seemed to take about half the pain away and wore off once I was pushing. I felt everything.
So it is do-able with an OP baby and a bigger baby at that. Good Luck!
BFP #2 7/13/2011 ~ EDD 3/16/2012 ~Aubree Olivia (9lbs 1oz, 21 inches) 3/15/2012 VBAC (39w6d)
BFP #3 5/15/2014 ~ EDD 1/16/2015~Addison Isabelle (9lbs, 0oz, 21 inches) 1/25/2015 2VBAC (41w2d)
BFP #4 7/20/2016 ~ EDD 3/25/2017 ~ Malachi Mathew (10lbs 0oz, 22 inches) 4/4/2017 emergency csection (41w3d)
I did too - I pushed for 4+ hours with DS1 without much progress (he was also OP/lined up weird). I had a successful VBAC with DS2, who was also over 10.5 lbs - a full two pounds bigger than his brother. I think how your baby is lined up has more to do with vaginal birth that size, quite frankly.
Good luck!
DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)
My labor with DS was very "textbook" up until my c/s. My water broke at home, contractions started immediately and progressed at a normal rate. I was 10cm dilated and began pushing to no avail. DS was OP and ultimately I think that was the reason for the c/s (even though the OB told me that my pelvis was just too small and that I'd never be able to deliver vaginally). He weighed 8lb 3oz.
DD was positioned correctly. My contractions and dilation didn't progress as well as with DS but once my water finally broke I was able to begin pushing and she was born vaginally 45 minutes later. She was quite a bit smaller (6lb 11oz), but I really think the positioning was the ultimate factor!
There are lots of us with similar stories. With DS1 I laboured naturally, pushed for three hours and got a c-section. He was 7 pounds. I had DS2 in an all-natural home vbac in two hours from first contraction to birth. He was 8 pounds.
DS1 was also OP. Having a baby OP is a HUGE deal for some women and can mean the difference between a natural birth and a c-section. I don't believe your doctor's "guideline" at all- babies who are one pound bigger don't have any more difficult births than slightly smaller babies. The baby's head would more or less be the same size in a 7 or an 8 pound baby (my 8 pound baby actually had a slightly smaller head than my 7 pound baby) so I don't see how that would be accurate or relevant at all.
ETA: after reading your follow-up post: please don't be concerned that you couldn't push out a small baby.I don't think your baby's weight has anything to do with it. Remember than when a baby gains weight the weight is generally in the torso area, not the head, and the head is the part you have to worry about pushing out.
C/s baby was 7lbs 10 oz. VBAC baby was 7lbs 12 oz.
Sometimes OP babies just won't fit. It's not necessarily because your pelvis is too small to deliver vaginally. I think of it like those baby toys where you have to match the shape to the hole--if you take one of those shapes and turn it the wrong way, it won't fit, even though the hole is technically big enough.
It also seems like FTMs are more prone to things getting stuck, because your body is new to the whole birth process and things have never stretched out like this before. I felt like it was actually an advantage going into my VBAC that I had dilated all the way and pushed for a while, because that meant my body would have experience doing those parts the second time around. And I did have a VBAC, so maybe there is some truth to that.
This is an awesome analogy!! I'm tempted to send it to the jerk OB who told me I'd never be able to deliver vaginally!!
I am so thankful for this thread! I was about to post something similar!
With DS I was induced, labored for 28 hours, pushed for 2 more and with him facing the wrong way I just couldn't get him out so chose to go with the c-section.
I have also been told by a couple doctors that my pelvis is an odd shape, birth canal is super tiny, and that they wouldn't recommend ever having a baby naturally.
Even though I had a great experience with my CS, part of me wonders that if this baby is AP, I go into labor on my own, etc...basically all the stars align, if I could do a VBAC or if those doctors are right about my pelvis/birth canal.
June 2010-April 2012: Lots of trying, chlomid, gonal-f, with triggers, without, IUI's and tons of BFNs
May2012: Letrozole + IUI = BFP!!!! Due 2/10/13
Please know that soooo many doctors say this. It seems that half the women on this board were told something similar, and many went on to have uncomplicated vbacs. A friend of mine was diagnosed with CPD with her first and had two vbacs, with 10 and 11 pound babies. Most research shows that "super tiny" pelvises are virtually unheard of, and are generally caused by rickets, serious accidents, dwarfism, and the like. The baby's positioning matters so much more, and even the woman's pushing position (lying supine narrows the pelvis; kneeling or on hands-and-knees opens the pelvis. I delivered my vbac baby in a modified hands-and-knees position, but couldn't push out my first baby who was OP while I was forced into the standard hospital pushing position).
If having a vbac matters to you, please find a truly supportive care provider. So many women are bullied into rcs, or "bait and switched" by providers who initially seem supportive and then are scheduled into c-section at the last minute because they "just didn't go into labour" by 38 weeks or something.
With DD#1, my water broke at 37w. Labor stalled, I started pit, then an epi, 5 hours after the pit and 1 hour after the epi I was pushing. I pushed for 3.5 hours before agreeing to the non-emergency c/s. Neither DD nor I were ever in danger, she just wasn't coming out. She did weigh 8lb6oz. Big, but not huge. Her position just was not right.
My DD#2 was born via VBAC 2 years later. She was in a different position - I could feel it the entire pregnancy - and I was able to have a med-free birth. She was slightly smaller 7lb12oz, but not that different in size. I pushed for 30 minutes.
During my second pregnancy, I did things to help make sure the baby was positioned better, and I labored differently, too. I will do those things again this pregnancy.
What did you do? I had thought about yoga, I wish I had started earlier. I was thinking about seeing a chiropractor as well. If you have insight on what you did that would be great!