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Babies: 9 - 12 Months
Strange question - will you let DC go to sleepovers?
In light of the tortured boy from CA, it got me to thinking about this episode of Oprah on pedophiles (not that the boy was sexually abused so they think), and a conversation my moms group had. Many of the women in the group said they would not allow their son or daughter to spend the night at their friend's houses when they were older.
On the Oprah episode, several of the girls frequently spent the night at a neighborhood families house where the father had a great reputation in the community. Turns out, he was drugging them and sexually abusing them while they were passed out.
We had been talking about this episode and many of the moms agreed that no matter how much you think you trust someone, you never know. The father of your kid's best friend could be a molester, etc. Now, my parents never really limited me to having sleepovers at other people's houses. Granted, they knew the parents really well, but so did these other parents on Oprah.
I don't know what my stance is - what do you think?
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Re: Strange question - will you let DC go to sleepovers?
Wow, this is a good one.
I think that I would let DD have sleepovers as long as I know the parents, child etc. I know that as you explained, that my not matter, but I am a firm believer in not sheltering too much. I think that I would be robbing DD of sine great opportunities with her friends if I were to not allow her to have a sleep over once in a while.
I don't know, the world is a scary place, but I guess you can't live in a box and avoid everything.
I don't buy into the culture of fear either. My kid will walk to school, go to sleepovers, take field trips to other countries, and go places without me. I don't plan on raising a perpetually frightened, disturbed kid who is wrapped in a bubble. I find that mentality a little nutty actually.
Kids are FAR more likely to be sexually abused/abused by a family member or close relative than by a stranger. The media does a great job of making us fear every stupid thing.
And I don't make parenting decisions based on the Oprah show or 20/20 or "to catch a predator". Their goal is ratings. Mine is to raise a healthy, socially & politically aware child with self confidence the ability to confront difficult situations.
I'm going to go by the reasoning that you NEVER know. My DS won't be allowed to spend any significant amount of time alone with ANY male until he is old enough and knows that he can come to me about anything.
I have a 15 year old and yes, she has gone to many a sleepover. However, there are conditions. I need to know the parents and, ideally, have been to their house. If I don't know them, she's not allowed to go. Period.
I have also asked people if they have a gun in the house. I don't care if they get offended. I have a thing against guns, not everyone stores them securely...and I don't want my child to be the next accidental shooting victim story on the news.
I have a pretty good gut instinct and it hasn't failed me yet as far as this is concerned. The same conditions will apply to Ben.
oh my gosh that is awful! I have to say though, there are so many things we could be afraid of and if we let our minds go there, we'd be living in bubbles.. or at least keeping our children in bubbles locked in the house! Yes I think it's terrible, yes I want to protect DD from horrible things even much less horrible then that.. but at some point you do have to trust people, to an extent, and you have to realize that most people are not evil like that.
So to answer the question, as long as I know the parents and the family, yes I will be letting DD go to sleepovers.
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I will let DD have sleep overs with her cousins and that is about it. If she wants she can have her friends come over to our house and spend the night.
I feel its a cultural thing since my parents never let me spend the night anywhere else except w family.
Recently we found out that our 9 year old male cousin has been molested for the past 5 years by his paternal grandfather. This was a normal, seemingly loving grandfather that NOBODY would have suspected this of. The cousins father is a detective for the police force and never would have guessed. His parents left him with his grandparents when they went on vacation or just to run errands. This went on for years and this poor boy will never be the same. It did a lot to me mentally, and I will have a very hard time trusting people with my child now- including my own father. Right now there are only 3 people allowed to watch my DS and they are all women who are related to me.
That is a very disturbing story but that just says that its usually the people closest to you that do this. Not strangers but family members.
I don't think you should limit it to males though.
Ditto.
I see no problems with sleepovers as long as I know the parents.