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Parenting
LuckyMissus
member
Looking for advice on our son's bris
LuckyMissus
member
in Parenting
I'm not Jewish, DH refers to himself as "a cultural Jew." Only his father is Jewish, we go to temple once for every holiday and observe a few traditions with FIL at home. Neither of us has been to a bris (well, I guess DH was at his...) and my FIL hasn't been to one in ages. None of our friends have been any help either.
So, I'm just wondering what people do for a bris normally. We have pre-registered with a mohel and have a back-up one. I get that there will be the ceremony and I understand that you generally do a meal afterwards.
The ceremony will be at FIL's house and he is catering lunch afterwards. We're planning on my sister and BIL being the people that carry the baby over to my father and then having my FIL hold him during the ceremony.
Who all is invited normally? Should we invite a few of our close friends?
Is it dumb to hire a photographer?
I'm a little worried that I will be a wreck after the ceremony, especially if he's crying a lot. If I am, would it be impolite for me to excuse myself and the baby from lunch for a while?
I'm also a little nervous bc FIL wants to invite a bunch (realistically like 5-10) of people from his Jewish community group. I know about the minyan, but our mohel says that it's nice, but you don't have to have one. I just don't know these people very well, and I don't think I'll want a bunch of basically strangers hovering around my newborn. DH and I have a very close relationship with FIL, so I'm thinking that I want to have a little heart to heart with him about why I'm concerned about inviting these people. But, would it be extremely rude not to invite them?
TIA!
"A new baby is like the beginning of all things--wonder, hope, a dream of possibilities."
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Re: Looking for advice on our son's bris
When we had our bris for Z we kept it very small. Remember, it happens within the first week of you giving birth so youll probably not want a lot of people around with all your hormones all crazy, etc.
We purposely had ours during the week in the morning just to kind of ensure it could be kept small (and not deal with our parents "suggesting" additional people to invite). The only people we had there were the grandparents, great grandparents, aunts and uncles and our BFFs (only of which 4 could make it due to it being on a Monday morning).
I cried a lot during the ceremony. I didnt expect to, but it is really emotional (and also the hormones). You cant feed the baby I think 90 mins beforehand, so afterwards I immediately took Z into our back bedroom to nurse him. It is definitely no impolite to excuse yourself.
This is going to be your first "event" for your little family. Invite who you want there/feel comfortable sharing this experience with. I personally used it as a way to start establishing some boundries and basically set the tone for both our families that we will make our own decisions when it comes to our son, how we raise him, etc. But that just has to do with my family dynamic.
Congrats on the upcoming addtion to your family!
zachary happens! | little fish
I went to my nephew's bris a few months back (my sister and BIL are an interfaith couple). There was a photographer there, but personally, I thought it was a bit much for snapping shots during the ceremony: my sis was a crying wreck and the way everything happened there wasn't a good place for the photographer to stand and snap pictures. But it's the first milestone so a nice family shot before or after is probably nice.
In terms of inviting other people: I have mixed feelings on this. First, yes, invite your friends. A bris is a bigger deal than a birthday party.
The event will be somewhat smaller if only that people are going to have 8 days notice to attend. And if it's on a weekday, having it in the morning/early afternoon will cut that down further. But, if it's at your FIL's house, and FIL is catering, I wouldn't want to be the one to tell him that he can't invite a few of his friends (and I'd be surprised if all 10 showed up)
Talk to him, mention your concerns, and see what he says. Maybe ask him to invite just 1 or 2.
FWIW, people don't hover around the newborn (They'll hover around the food). He cries alot for the ceremony (people avoid crying babies) then he's asleep in your or DH's arms. I don't remember seeing my nephew anywhere else, except the grandparent's arms.
I have a girl, but my SIL+BIL just had a boy. They actually did the circumcision in private (just the parents, grandfather, my DH (BIL's brother) were there). That way, once the rest of the family showed up, it was mostly just the rabbi talking about the traditions, the parents told everyone the meaning behind the baby's name, etc. I did the photography, but it was nothing more than just a few snapshots, then family photos after the mohel left.
"A new baby is like the beginning of all things--wonder, hope, a dream of possibilities."