Lately I've been getting comments about my tongue ring. People have been asking me if I'm going to take it out before or when the baby is born because its "not motherly" (to them) and I wouldn't be setting a good example for my child. Besides the fact that I know the baby wouldn't even notice for YEARS to come, what do you all think I should do?
Re: Mom-to-be...with a tongue ring.
I don't think it matters.
Right ovary removed 09.04.2012 via vertical laparotomy
Essure implant placed on remaining tube 06.13.2013; successful followup scan 09.30.2013
I agree with this.I don't think it has anything to do with being a good or bad mother, but a co-worker of mine has one (I work in a large corporation) and I think it's totally unprofessional and also just unattractive. But again, just totally my opinion.
I don't even have my ears pierced, but one of the best moms I know has tattoo sleeves - and they are a part of her, just like hair color or eye color.
Could she get frustrated by the side-eye she often gets because of her tattoos? She could. But she doesn't, because she owns those tattoos and happily chooses to ignore anyone who can't look at her as an entire person.
My advice? If you find yourself often frustrated by looks and comments, it might be time to take the piercing out - kiddo will pick up on your *concern* more than your tongue ring, and the message of "we worry a lot about what others think of our appearance" might not be the one you want to send.
On the other hand, if that piercing feels like part of you, allowing you to easily breeze past the neighsayers, kiddo will pick up on your confidence - and probably grow up more confident herself. In that case, leaving it in makes everyone better!
Whatever you choose, good luck!
I agree with this.
All of this.
There is a lot of judgement, misconception, and ridicule that some members of society have about people with any sort of body or hair modification... some people look at tattoos and piercings and think, "omg rebellious". Others look at women with short skirts and acrylic nails and think, "Wow, spoiled". Some look at women in mom-jeans and a pony tail and think, "Lazy and disheveled".
What matters is being confident and happy with how you look, being an example of integrity and motivation for your children, and *owning* all of it.
Right ovary removed 09.04.2012 via vertical laparotomy
Essure implant placed on remaining tube 06.13.2013; successful followup scan 09.30.2013
People are ignorant.
If you want to keep your tongue ring, keep it - its nobody's business.
A friend of mine is inked all over and she gets weird looks out with her daughter but she holds her head high - you like your body mods, that's why you got them and kept them this long.
I know you mean very well and it makes sense on a basic logic level.... but I'd love to see a raise of hands of how many girls here with tongue rings had parents with tongue rings.... because I've never met one. lol
Right ovary removed 09.04.2012 via vertical laparotomy
Essure implant placed on remaining tube 06.13.2013; successful followup scan 09.30.2013
Seriously. I got my nose and lip pierced when I was 18 in a fit of rebellious glory. My mother never had more than her ear lobes pierced.
I interned with a piercing artist for a year after high school and pierced about every flat surface I had by 21 because I enjoyed the feeling. I don't wear jewelry in about half of the holes I made.. but the ones I do are because I like the way they look and feel, not because I had a parent who set the example (Mormons) or a parent to rebel against (hadn't lived with them in years by the time I started piercing). As a 29yr old full time working office manager and mother with soon to be 4 children, I can't say that I have any people in my circle of family, friends, or coworkers who so much as even notice the fact that I have piercings, let alone think any more or less of me for them.
Right ovary removed 09.04.2012 via vertical laparotomy
Essure implant placed on remaining tube 06.13.2013; successful followup scan 09.30.2013
That's fantastic and exactly how (I feel) body modification should be. Something you do for yourself, not to please or displease others.
If you like it and want to leave it in, then leave it in. That is your choice.
However, you will continue to be judged on your maturity and parenting skills just because of your tongue ring, and you would if you have any other non-ear piercings as well. It is unfortunately still not something that is widely accepted as "proper" for parenting and is definitely considered rebellious. As long as you are prepared to continue to fight that battle, that is 100% your choice, and doesn't make you a bad parent if you choose to keep it.
For me, I chose to leave that behind me and moved on into a new "phase" of my life when I removed my belly button ring once I got pregnant with my son. I didn't feel it was important for me to continue to have it any longer, mainly because I figured I wouldn't be wearing any more bikinis. I would have also removed any other non-ear piercings at that time if I'd had them.
BFP 12/19/08- DS born 8/25/09 9lbs2oz via Zavanelli Maneuver
BFP 8/26/11- Missed miscarriage discovered 10/19/11 at 11w2d, measured at 9 weeks gestation w/ no HB. D&C 10/21/11
BFP 3/17/12 at 12dpo CP 3/21/12
BFP 4/23/12 at 10dpo Stick my little one! Beta #1: 83.3 @ 13dpo Beta #2: 197.7 @ 15dpo
Our little man is getting bigger every day!
My BFP Chart
My Blog
Personally I'm not a fan of tattoos or piercings for myself---I did get a belly button ring at 17 and kept it in 3 years or so then decided I was over it. And I still have the stupid hole! I don't have any tattoos---just can't imagine liking something drawn on my body forever. Also, I work in a professional environment in a management position---there are others who work here who have visable tattos, piercings, etc but I've noticed they tend to stay in a certain level job--probably because this company is pretty conservative in that regard.
If you love your tongue ring and its a part of you keep it---you will be judged on your mommy skills for a lot more than that believe me and none of those things define you as a mother anyway! People just like to be judgy.
You did state that it would be YEARS before your child notices it---I do disagree with that---I nannied in college for a family with a pool so we swam quite a bit. The mom wasn't super thrilled that her 3 year old daughter was asking to "get an earring in her tummy like Ashleigh" so I agreed to take it out while there and shortly after kept it out all together. So just be aware that kids pik up on things very quickly.
I have a 1 year old, and I have my cheeks and nose pierced. His dad has his septum pierced, and we both have stretched ears.
I don't know how many times since my pregnancy I've heard that I should take them out because I'm setting a bad example, but honestly, to my son, they're just normal. He doesn't see them as something bad or anything.
He likes to play with my cheeks (ouch!) and put his fingers through our ears. It's interesting for him haha.
No matter what you do, how you look, or what choices you make, people are going to judge, so it's better to be yourself and feel comfortable in your own skin when you're becoming a mother than to conform to "what a mom should be"
Re. Rebellion: I have had my tattoos and tongue piercing done over the years since I was 20 I am now 33. This has never been about rebellion, but about a form of expression I enjoy, and I like my tongue ring.
Re. Parents with tattoos as influence: neither or my patents have tattoos, my husband doesn't have any, and few of my friends have any. I have made these decisions on my own. Just as I didn't follow the career of my parents, I'm not going to assume my children will become surgeons or get tattoos. They will do what fits them.
My tattoos and tongue piercing have become a part of me. My nephews call them my pictures, and none of them seem phased by them. They will continue to be part of me and in that way part of me as a mother. If my child choose to get tattoos or piercings, I will discuss that with them but ultimately it will be their decision.