"planning" a shower. . .what did I get myself into??

Bingo1116 · September 2012

A good friend of mine is about a month behind me in her pregnancy. She and I have gotten much closer since being pregnant together. A couple months ago I asked her if anyone had already started planning a shower for her because I would like to help. Obviously the longer she waits to have a shower, the less comfortable I feel taking the lead on it because my due date is also quickly approaching. She told me that her mom and sister-in-law were planning one. I'm fairly close with her mom as well so I emailed her to find out how I can help. OH BOY.

Turns out, her mom really doesn't want much involvement in the shower other than just to make sure someone is throwing her one. Her sister-in-law is so tied up in her own life that she has no clue that one was even being planned (even though she insisted on throwing one). So now my friend has basically said it is all on me . . .

Here's the kicker, because she knows I'm pregnant also, she doesn't want the burden to fall on just me so she is basically planning it herself and I'm just supposed to play hostess . .

At this point I feel like I'm stuck. Of course I don't want to back out of it, but I really wasn't planning on committing this much to her shower. And I certainly don't want her to have to do it all because she really deserves to have a shower thrown for her. I'm so angry with her mom and sister-in-law right now.

If you were in my place, what would you do? I'm thinking of trying to go as low-key as possible, but I also don't want her to feel cheated out of a shower. I also don't want her to plan her own shower. What a cluster. . .

MCookie816 · September 2012

" Of course I don't want to back out of it, but I really wasn't planning on committing this much to her shower. "

The circumstances with her Mom & SIL are not ideal but, you did offer. I don't really see the big deal, when you offered her a shower you had no clue that her Mom & SIL were or were not planning anything. If you weren't committed to it you should not have offered. As far as her planning it herself, let her know what input you would like from her. Then polittely tell her you are really looking forward to planning and hosting the shower so that she can just be a guest and have a great time.

Bingo1116 · September 2012

MCookie816:

" Of course I don't want to back out of it, but I really wasn't planning on committing this much to her shower. "

The circumstances with her Mom & SIL are not ideal but, you did offer. I don't really see the big deal, when you offered her a shower you had no clue that her Mom & SIL were or were not planning anything. If you weren't committed to it you should not have offered. As far as her planning it herself, let her know what input you would like from her. Then polittely tell her you are really looking forward to planning and hosting the shower so that she can just be a guest and have a great time.

It may just be semantics because I know the details of my conversation with my friend, but it was understood up front that I would like to assist in planning her shower and not take the lead because of the committment vs. my pregnancy.

Either way, I do want to do as much as I can for her shower. I guess the problem for me is that I feel incredibly overwhelmed because now the responsibility lies solely on me unless her mom and sister in law decided to help out.

JayMOOMOO · September 2012

its called you have a heart..... she has to also take it into consideraton that you may go into labor and you can not do as much as anyone may think. I think your a great friend, event though its not your responsibility.

pamiva1 · September 2012

I think it really nice you want to do this for your friend. Will her Mom help with the cost? If so, I think I'd do it out at a restaurant or somewhere to help you out since you're also pregnant. Having it at home would be a lot more work with cooking, decorating, cleaning up, etc.

Carla6394 · September 2012

I am nine months pregnant and just this past weekend I hosted a shower for my brother's girlfriend - she is having twins in December. It wasn't a huge deal, got some fancy sandwiches together, made a nice fruit salad, sent out invites, strung some decorations and made the house pretty... it was a lovely day. Just have a back up plan in case you go into labour early.

1026pumpkin · September 2012

I would talk with her mom again and find out to what extent she'd be willing to help (financial, bringing food, whatever) and let her know that you'd really appreciate her help.

I think you can do something relatively low-stress, and still be nice. Plan the shower for a time when a meal wouldn't be expected so you can just have some light appetizers (heat up frozen ones from Costco) and cake or a late morning and have a quiche, muffins, and fruit. You can order some simple, inexpensive decorations from Oriental Trading, and maybe a game or two- easy to get ideas from googling. Then I'd make sure her mom/sister are both going to be available the day of the shower and know where the supplies are in case you end up going into labor early.

I think it's really sweet of you to be looking out for your friend, and I'm sure she's going to really appreciate it

persephonerose · September 2012

I agree that low key is probably best. Since you are in essence having to do the hosting by yourself, then you should do what is comfortable for you budget, time, and space wise. Does she have another close friend who might be able to help with some of the errand type stuff? Just having someone who can run around stores and pick up items, so you don't have to do the pregnancy swag (waddle) through all the stores could be a huge help.

rhubarb123 · September 2012

I have been there/done that. That is one of the reasons I now host showes on my own (too many cooks...). lol If you can have communication with her mom/sister I would enlist their help financially and I'd let them know that you don't mind doing ALL the "work" but that you do need some financial help. I would do as some of the other pps have mentioned and have it at a non-meal time of day (maybe mid afternoon like 2 pm). You can get the rolled sandwiches already made up from Costco or Sams, put together a fruit bowl, veggie and dip tray, and some chips. Order a cake. Make sure the favors (if your MTB wants them) are the responsibility of the MTB. I never provide those as a hostess.

Seriously, it really IS easier to host alone rather then trying to satisify everyone's "vision", but getting some money from them would be great. Also, as a pp said...make sure the MTB's mom/sister WILl be available the day of so if you are unable to be there they can carry on.

Oh...if you DO get money from either the MTB's mom and/or sister THEN put them down as hostesses on the invite...otherwise leave them off.

You are a great friend to do this for her. Hope she realizes this.

daisy662 · September 2012

It was very nice of you to offer to throw her a shower but I am not really sure why you are freaking out. Showers are really not that difficult to put together. Take a deep breath and relax and do the best you can.

ChevyFam717 · September 2012

persephonerose:
I agree that low key is probably best. Since you are in essence having to do the hosting by yourself, then you should do what is comfortable for you budget, time, and space wise. Does she have another close friend who might be able to help with some of the errand type stuff? Just having someone who can run around stores and pick up items, so you don't have to do the pregnancy swag (waddle) through all the stores could be a huge help.

This. Or email Mom back and ask exactly how she CAN help since you are nearing your due date and some things will be difficult.

In the long run - relax. Low-key and simple is the way to go and she will appreciate it greatly since her family is too self absorbed to do it themselves...