BM Wants more money

HavingLibrababy · September 2012

Question for all the SMs out there... We are dealing with his ex, he pays his child support every week (hasn't ever been late) which totals to about $750 a month. She just called him last week and demanded that he pay for half of her new clothes for school, even though we buy her clothes for our house and send back the outfit she came in (clean mind you). I think this is a bit crazy, what the hell is child support for, if not used for this exact thing?!

angelamaster1986 · September 2012

She can demand all she wants but youre not obligated if the CO doesnt spell it out for you to do that.

How frustrating!

HavingLibrababy · September 2012

Thanks for your reply. Excellent point and we did say no.. I just can't believe the nerve of some people. Meanwhile I'm just finishing up my last day of work today and he works like 70 hours a week, while she, of course doesn't. I hate to doubt a mother's love, but that child is her bread and butter. Not to mention her drinks and dinner on the weekends. Just also found out she usually spends her mothers weekends at her grandparents

I just feel bad for the kid ya know? and my DH

angelamaster1986 · September 2012

Oh I hear ya. It can be overwhelmingly frustrating to be the SP and watch everything unfold and not be able to do anything about it. I try to just be thankful for the relationship DH and I have and do what I can to be supportive and listen to him vent.

I would suggest trying to increase time spent with your SD. Perhaps go back to court and mend the current visitation schedule? As the children get older, it seems the court is more willing to give the children 50/50-ish between the households.

HavingLibrababy · September 2012

It is VERY frustrating with this kind of stuff. We are taking her back to court to get more time and SCHEDULED time with SD, because she likes to send her to our house when she feels like it or makes plans. While I love her at our house (and she often says she wishes she lived with us but bc she's very young, it doesn't factor) we are trying to get ready for our baby and need some time to ourselves also. It'll all work out, but I just wanted to make sure I wasn't crazy -- well at least when it came to that! lol

dor79 · September 2012

We've gone through this battle for many years, and as the kids got older they didn't want to wear the close the came home in instead opting to take ours, because ours were nicer.

In addition to CS, we would do a little back to school shopping with the kids, get them new back-packs, supplies and shoes... this was our attempt at stopping BM to ask for money for school items (and we would see what was bought)

HavingLibrababy · September 2012

Great points, and we do the same. We buy her stuff constantly. He told her we'd get her somethings bc last time we did let her do the shopping, everything ended up at her place and is stuff 'that she bought' (with our money lol) . So this year she's on her own...

Littlejen22 · September 2012

angelamaster1986:
She can demand all she wants but youre not obligated if the CO doesnt spell it out for you to do that. How frustrating!nbsp;

This. But remember that buying clothes for a kid for your house is not the same as buying for school unless you take her to school. If it were me I would tell her that you are not buying her more clothes but SD is free to take clothes home as long as BM reciprocates with sending clean nice clothes that fit.

Littlejen22 · September 2012

HavingLibrababy:
Great points, and we do the same. nbsp;We buy her stuff constantly. nbsp;He told her we'd get her somethings bc last time we did let her do the shopping, everything ended up at her place and is stuff 'that she bought' with our money lol . nbsp;So this year she's on her own...

Nope, it is not your money, it is child support owed to the child to support her.

unhdncr21 · September 2012

You could always buy you SC the clothes to take to BM's house... that's what we do, this way BM can't ask for more money. We usually by SS shoe's, sport equipments, extra activities, photos, new clothes and much more. This way if BM asks for money we just say 'no' unless it's for a real cause and then we pay directly to that account, instead of giving BM a check.

HavingLibrababy · September 2012

Littlejen22:
HavingLibrababy:
Great points, and we do the same. nbsp;We buy her stuff constantly. nbsp;He told her we'd get her somethings bc last time we did let her do the shopping, everything ended up at her place and is stuff 'that she bought' with our money lol . nbsp;So this year she's on her own...
Nope, it is not your money, it is child support owed to the child to support her.

Nope, you're wrong. It was our money as we just gave her cash to buy what she felt was necessary. Obviously we won't be doing that again. The child support money should be used to do exactly that; support the child.

Moschic31 · September 2012

He is not obligated to pay any more than what he is giving -especially if he purchases clothing for the child while in his care. Although it may seem like an added expense to BM, clothing is part of the child's basic needs and the child support she gets can contribute to that. My FI would offer to buy extra school supplies if the child needed it (not all but if something came up).

kllrbnny · September 2012

Littlejen22:
HavingLibrababy:
Great points, and we do the same. nbsp;We buy her stuff constantly. nbsp;He told her we'd get her somethings bc last time we did let her do the shopping, everything ended up at her place and is stuff 'that she bought' with our money lol . nbsp;So this year she's on her own...
Nope, it is not your money, it is child support owed to the child to support her.

This. And it would benefit you greatly to think of it as just another bill you pay or else it is something that you will always be bitter about.

Not that she should be asking for more money though. She needs to budget for known expenses (like school starting) just like the rest of us.

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