Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
ehicks
member
Re: Am I being silly or is this legit?
Sometimes there is no choice. I depends on the hospital but some don't do VBAC. If we are lucky enough to conceive another LO I will elct to have another csection due to the complications that arose during labor with LO. I had multiple issues (that won't change) that kept him from descending. So it's pretty set. Anyone who wants to give me attitude about it may as well be talking to a wall. All I am worried about is that my LO's get here as healthy and safe as I can make happen.
GSx1 - 05/13/2013
GSx2 for T&B - EDD 6/21/2015 - They're having a GIRL!
I told her she wasn't there the first time to see how scary it was to go in for an emergency c/s, so it is sort of comforting knowing what to expect and having it planned out. She really didn't care and basically said I brought it upon myself. My husband got pretty angry and just said he supported my decision and regardless its the baby we care about, not how it comes out.
I was just really shocked that she had that reaction. Which then made me question our decision.
You are not being silly, she was out of line.
BFP #2 10/29/08 ...stillborn via c/s @41w 7/20/09
missing my baby everyday
BFP #3 1/20/10 My angel's little sister Grace Madison was born September 8th 2010 @37w. We're so blessed! Thank you angel for getting her here safely.
BFP #4 12/30/11. Jackson Christopher 8/22/2012 via repeat c/s @ 37w 3d
A scheduled Csection is just that a pre scheduled Csection. You have to pick a date so why not pick a date that works best for you and your family.
If I were you the only thing I would be questioning would be my friendship with this person. I would not question making difficult yet rational decision regarding the life of your child.
Your friend is completely and totally BSC! It is none of her business why you are having a RCS or why you had one with your first baby for that matter. People like that make me want to cutab!tch.
I admire your DHs self control when confronted by this nut job, mine probably would have punched her in her face (right after I did of course).
very true! I have a friend who wanted to do the whole mid-wife, birth in the tub at home thing. Well, the midwife didnt make it, the kid was breech, she had him on her kitchen floor and but for the grace of God everything turned out ok
Your friend is a diick. She needs to get over herself and respect that every woman has the right to make her own decisions regarding her own body. I HATE when people who were able to deliver vaginally get all pretentious about why c-sections are 'unnatural' and all that BS. Really boils my blood...it's just so insensitive and closed-minded.
You are doing what is best for your family - I hope you are still comfortable with your decision. Don't let selfish brats on high horses like your friend make you feel any less confident in your decision.
FWIW, I had a c/s for failure to progress and I will be trying VBAC. But that doesn't mean I have any less respect for people who choose RCS - I'm making my choice for me and my family, no one else, just like anyone else should. If I were in your shoes, I'd distance myself from this person quickly. Anyone who would judge me for choosing RCS after my first birth experience is not deserving of a place in my life.
I agree! Just because you're not doing things the same way she believes you should does not give her the right to go off like that. Give me your opinion, fine, I completely understand that, but respect my opinion as well!
(read it. you know you want to.)
anderson . september 2008
vivian . february 2010
mabel . august 2012
I really appreciate everyone's kind words. I read some of the to DH and he is grateful that other people agree with us. Its also nice to know we aren't alone in having people bully you for your choices.
I was soooo happy with my decision and actually excited about a c/s and she totally crushed that. I am back to being happy about it! I think it will turn out wonderful, just as the first did!
Your friend sucks.
And I'm super pro-natural birth and VBAC. Ugh, I would not be spending any more time with her in the future.
I hate birth snobs.
I had a med-free delivery with DS. I had a c/s for DD because she was breech. If I have more children, I definitely will not be going the VBAC route. Heck, yeah, I want to schedule my child's birth.
Anyone who gives me the side-eye about it will get to hear the lovely story of the 3rd degree tear I got with my first baby, how I needed a spinal for the repair, how the repair took over an hour, how I had to have granulation tissue cauterized twice, and how it took over 3 months to heal. Maybe that will teach them to mind their own business.
DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)
This is me too. I'm sorry your friend is so terrible. Or your former friend. I had many friends who I KNOW thought I should have scheduled a CS for my DD instead of VBACing but because they were actually my friends, they kept their mouths shut. They know I did my research and made the decision that was best for me. And your friends should offer you the same courtesy with your decision.
I'm sorry your "friend" isn't being supportive!
I can sort of understand. This is my first baby and I am (most likely) having a scheduled c-section exactly one week before my due date.
Honestly, I hate telling people because I feel so judged. I am having a c-section due to medical reasons (I am small, 4'6'', and I have an abnormally narrow pelvis, as well as severe scoliosis with metal rods in my back), but people say "why don't you try a vaginal birth first?!" As if I hadn't discussed that with my doctor? First off, I can't have a spinal or an epidural, so if I tried for a vaginal birth it would be med-free. Second off, my doctor believes that a c-section is the safer option for me. We've discussed it at length...I'm tired of being questioned!
People act like I'm choosing to have a c-section (under general anesthesia, no less). It's definitely not my ideal birth, but I'm doing what I have to do to get my baby out safely.
Yeeeeaaahhhhhh,
That would be the last time I talked to that "friend." Yep I would be done with her. She's a a-hole and I wouldn't waste any time with her. Spend your time with people who care about you and respect you as a person and as a parent.
FWIW, my first was an emergency at 32 weeks and I wasn't even in labor. I just happened to be at the hospital for a non stress test when my baby's heart rate dropped dramatically and I was rushed into the operating room. For my second pregnancy, my Dr talked to me about a VBAC, told me there were risks to both options and said he would stand by any deicsion I made. I chose a repeat c-section. Do you know why ? Because it was the best decision for me at the time and I don't regret it.
Ridiculous. It's 39 weeks, not 35 or 27, first off. And your medical team has reason to recommend it this way.
I am considering a VBAC, but I really bristle at people that start bashing those of us that have had to have, or that have chosen a c/s.
I would probably be forced to do something equally snarky, like question them on how they think it is okay to consider the 0.05% of fetal death or cerebal palsy with a uterine rupture during VBAC? Especially since she was so rude, and knew your circumstances. But I'm sure she's have her own numbers ...
^Oops, meant 37, not 27. But either way.
I just wanted to add that this isn't just the "natural birth" people who do this. Some c/s people let me have it the same way when I VBACed. My SIL actually took it as a personal insult when I chose to VBAC after she had had 4 c/s's. I never spoke to her about it or ever put her birth plans down. But she told me that if I really supported her births, I should have the courtesy to follow in her footsteps. Yeah, don't know about that. . . but anyway, there are sensitive people on both sides of the coin, is all.
what a B. i would have told her to kiss my a$$. how/when you deliver your baby is btw you and him. people feel the need to express their opinions on us and they dont know all of the factors. i had a woman at my PCP's office (practically a stranger) go off on me for having a scheduled c-section bc of babys size (among other factors like GD and my weight gain) and said "people have been delivering babies naturally for thousands of years - our bodies were built for this". i told her "our bodies are supposed to be built for this - but a thousand years ago me and my baby would have died during childbirth". she shut up.
tell them they dont get a say in the birth since they werent there when you conceived.... that shut my MIL up too lol
Yeah, I tried to have a VBAC with DS and guess what, my uterus ruptured and I ended up with an emergency CS and a horrible recovery. And any future pregnancies would be so high risk we're afraid to have any more kids. While I'm not sorry I tried the VBAC I don't blame anyone for going the RCS route and avoiding all of that. You're doing what's right for your family.
Also, your 'friend' is a jerk and I'd walk away from that friendship. Life is too short to spend with judgement people who can't see outside of their own little bubble.
I haven't been there since I just had my first child. If we have another child, I might just say we'll see what happens. When it gets close to the due date, then I might say something like the baby is face up (again). I already know that the hospital I deliver at don't encourage VBAC, or so I heard. But honestly, right now I think I'd rather a scheduled C/S.
It really shouldn't be anyone to judge. I know one of my SILs will. She has already said "Next time please try for VBAC". She had 2 c/s, second one she tried vbac and the baby went breeched.
BFP #1 on cycle 19, 6/13/09, blighted ovum discovered on 8/3/09
BFP #2 3/1/10 yay for seeing the baby and seeing hb at 6w! Found at on 4/26/10 that the baby had stopped growing at 7w
BFP #3 11/19/11
Baby Boy Bruce born 7/21/12
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