Am I being silly or is this legit?

ehicks

We were out to dinner with friends and the topic of my birth came up. The couple we were with did a natural birth and she even teaches lamaze and birthing classes at the hospital. She asked if I was going for a VBAC and I said I wasn't because I felt like my recovery the first time with a c/s was great and we know what to expect this time. I did try to push my daughter out but came across multiple problems. So we decided another c/s was just better for us.

I mentioned my doctor wants to schedule it a week before my due date and she got a little angry and questioned me on it. I told her I assumed it was so I didn't go into labor and didn't think much of it.

I then jokingly said that the nice thing about scheduling our c/s was that we could sort of pick the day we go (with the help of the doctor). My daughter's bday is Jan 8th and I am Jan 12th... so I joked that we could make sure no one had the baby steal their birthday.

She totally went off on me saying it was unnatural to schedule a birth and I was being immature for caring about whether the baby came on my birthday or my daughters.

I just sat there and had no idea what to say. I figured she would know I was kidding but she took it so personally.

I felt so uncomfortable after that we left a little early.

I honestly feel funny telling people we are scheduling a c/s for this very reason, I don't want them to think I am being lazy or just not willing to try.

Anyone else run into this?  

arevans31

I think there's so many people out there against a c/s but it's your choice it's your body. Your definitely not lazy because you schedule when your baby is coming. I think that's what nice about it. I was induced with my daughter so I knew that kind of made me feel more at ease knowing. And ended with a c/s and im glad to know that with the 2nd I can schedule it! People like that just need to mind there own business!!!

Zimger

Sometimes there is no choice. I depends on the hospital but some don't do VBAC. If we are lucky enough to conceive another LO I will elct to have another csection due to the complications that arose during labor with LO. I had multiple issues (that won't change) that kept him from descending. So it's pretty set. Anyone who wants to give me attitude about it may as well be talking to a wall. All I am worried about is that my LO's get here as healthy and safe as I can make happen.

Mama-Bear

I don't think you're being silly at all, I think your friend was WAY out of line.  Why the hell would she care what you do with your body?  She needs to back off IMO.

ehicks

Mama-Bear:

I don't think you're being silly at all, I think your friend was WAY out of line.  Why the hell would she care what you do with your body?  She needs to back off IMO.

 

I told her she wasn't there the first time to see how scary it was to go in for an emergency c/s, so it is sort of comforting knowing what to expect and having it planned out. She really didn't care and basically said I brought it upon myself. My husband got pretty angry and just said he supported my decision and regardless its the baby we care about, not how it comes out.

I was just really shocked that she had that reaction. Which then made me question our decision. 

PayolaCrayola

I wouldnt question the decision. I also had an emergency-c after trying for over 24hrs. Its not an experience i want to repeat...unfortunately i miscarried this time but i had already told my doc that i wanted another c. I had a bad recovery but i dont even care cuz im that afraid of the issues...they told me my daughter wouldve died had i kept pushing so i would never take that risk again. Idk what it is about women being pissed at other women for having C's but i had the same thing come up with a few friends....including one who was adamant that you werent a "real woman" unless you pushed a baby out....even tho she herself had 3 C's...go figure. Ppl are crazy.

monica92603

Bottom line, I very much dislike crazy natural birth and breast feeding people.  Sometimes the sh*t just doesn't work out!!! 
You are not being silly, she was out of line.

aubreyalise

i'm sorry, that's just nuts. what on earth right does she have to have any opinion over how your child is born? it could not affect her life any less. i would be upset.

nealbl

A scheduled Csection is just that a pre scheduled Csection. You have to pick a date so why not pick a date that works best for you and your family.

Zimger

ehicks:

Mama-Bear:

I don't think you're being silly at all, I think your friend was WAY out of line.  Why the hell would she care what you do with your body?  She needs to back off IMO.

 

I told her she wasn't there the first time to see how scary it was to go in for an emergency c/s, so it is sort of comforting knowing what to expect and having it planned out. She really didn't care and basically said I brought it upon myself. My husband got pretty angry and just said he supported my decision and regardless its the baby we care about, not how it comes out.

I was just really shocked that she had that reaction. Which then made me question our decision. 

If I were you the only thing I would be questioning would be my friendship with this person. I would not question making difficult yet rational decision regarding the life of your child.

kmawb

Your friend is completely and totally BSC!  It is none of her business why you are having a RCS or why you had one with your first baby for that matter.  People like that make me want to cutab!tch.

I admire your DHs self control when confronted by this nut job, mine probably would have punched her in her face (right after I did of course).

Worcbride

I loved my first c sect--so much that when I got pg w/DS a year later the minute my OB walked into the room I told her not to even ask about a VBAC.  My dr also scheduled me at 39 wks (he came on his own at 37 tho).  Personally, I'm offended by what that woman said to you.  It's a choice between you, your husband and your dr.  I would've made the same joke about the birthdays.  As adults birthdays arent a big deal but to a kid they are.  We have twins in our family and their mom actually schedules 2 different birthdays so each kid has their own/gets to feel special.  Dont worry about what others think--what matters is your family and your family's decisions.  Best of luck!

Worcbride

monica92603:

Bottom line, I very much dislike crazy natural birth and breast feeding people.  Sometimes the sh*t just doesn't work out!!! 
You are not being silly, she was out of line.

very true!  I have a friend who wanted to do the whole mid-wife, birth in the tub at home thing.  Well, the midwife didnt make it, the kid was breech, she had him on her kitchen floor and but for the grace of God everything turned out ok 

skio

Your friend is a diick. She needs to get over herself and respect that every woman has the right to make her own decisions regarding her own body. I HATE when people who were able to deliver vaginally get all pretentious about why c-sections are 'unnatural' and all that BS. Really boils my blood...it's just so insensitive and closed-minded.

You are doing what is best for your family - I hope you are still comfortable with your decision. Don't let selfish brats on high horses like your friend make you feel any less confident in your decision.

FWIW, I had a c/s for failure to progress and I will be trying VBAC. But that doesn't mean I have any less respect for people who choose RCS - I'm making my choice for me and my family, no one else, just like anyone else should. If I were in your shoes, I'd distance myself from this person quickly. Anyone who would judge me for choosing RCS after my first birth experience is not deserving of a place in my life.

Dncr251

Mama-Bear:

I don't think you're being silly at all, I think your friend was WAY out of line.  Why the hell would she care what you do with your body?  She needs to back off IMO.

I agree! Just because you're not doing things the same way she believes you should does not give her the right to go off like that. Give me your opinion, fine, I completely understand that, but respect my opinion as well!

mlf625

That would be my last interaction with that "friend".  She was absolutely out of line.

ehicks

I really appreciate everyone's kind words. I read some of the to DH and he is grateful that other people agree with us. Its also nice to know we aren't alone in having people bully you for your choices.

I was soooo happy with my decision and actually excited about a c/s and she totally crushed that. I am back to being happy about it! I think it will turn out wonderful, just as the first did! 

skio

ehicks:

I really appreciate everyone's kind words. I read some of the to DH and he is grateful that other people agree with us. Its also nice to know we aren't alone in having people bully you for your choices.

I was soooo happy with my decision and actually excited about a c/s and she totally crushed that. I am back to being happy about it! I think it will turn out wonderful, just as the first did! 

  Good for you! Lots of luck.

honkytonk_kid

Your friend sucks.

And I'm super pro-natural birth and VBAC. Ugh, I would not be spending any more time with her in the future.

emberlee3

I hate birth snobs.

I had a med-free delivery with DS.  I had a c/s for DD because she was breech.  If I have more children, I definitely will not be going the VBAC route.  Heck, yeah, I want to schedule my child's birth. 

Anyone who gives me the side-eye about it will get to hear the lovely story of the 3rd degree tear I got with my first baby, how I needed a spinal for the repair, how the repair took over an hour, how I had to have granulation tissue cauterized twice, and how it took over 3 months to heal.  Maybe that will teach them to mind their own business.

nosoup4u

Ugh, she should have kept her mouth shut, yikes! Sorry you had to deal with that.

MAprincess

honkytonk_kid:

Your friend sucks.

And I'm super pro-natural birth and VBAC. Ugh, I would not be spending any more time with her in the future.

This is me too.  I'm sorry your friend is so terrible.  Or your former friend.  I had many friends who I KNOW thought I should have scheduled a CS for my DD instead of VBACing but because they were actually my friends, they kept their mouths shut.  They know I did my research and made the decision that was best for me.  And your friends should offer you the same courtesy with your decision.

lindseywit

Stay solid in your decision.  It has nothing to do with anyone but you and your family.  I just scheduled my c-section a week earlier than the due date so I can be up and moving around to take my 3 yr old trick or treating.  I think giving your LO their own birthday is awesome.  I mean really who wants to share a birthday?  Everyone will always have their own opinion, but it would be nice if they would keep their mouths shut when it is something as personal as giving birth.

[Deleted User]

I'm sorry your "friend" isn't being supportive! 

I can sort of understand. This is my first baby and I am (most likely) having a scheduled c-section exactly one week before my due date.

Honestly, I hate telling people because I feel so judged. I am having a c-section due to medical reasons (I am small, 4'6'', and I have an abnormally narrow pelvis, as well as severe scoliosis with metal rods in my back), but people say "why don't you try a vaginal birth first?!" As if I hadn't discussed that with my doctor? First off, I can't have a spinal or an epidural, so if I tried for a vaginal birth it would be med-free. Second off, my doctor believes that a c-section is the safer option for me. We've discussed it at length...I'm tired of being questioned!

People act like I'm choosing to have a c-section (under general anesthesia, no less). It's definitely not my ideal birth, but I'm doing what I have to do to get my baby out safely. 

Tiffany0416

It's annoying because its like, um, are you my dr? No, that's right, you don't know my medical history so back off.

shibby00

I am so sorry that happened to you!  I am having a RCS with this LO and I have not had anyone say anything to my face about it.  DH is completely on board with it and honestly his opinion is the only one that matters to me.  I think I would write your friend a long email explaining why she was out of line and ask her why she cares so much how another person delivers their child?  What is it to her? I'd give her a chance to take a step back from her previous statements and depending on her response, I'd walk away and never look back from that friendship.  What a B!

mommytoconnor

This "person" is totally unrealistic about things.  CSections are there for a reason, it's not "the easy way out"  The recovery is much longer with a CS and of course there are risks.  If she thinks you are being lazy then shame on her.  It is totally acceptable to schedule a cs for 39 weeks.  It is standard practice and if she is so educated about things she would know this.  I would personally tell her to keep her opinions to herself and don't you worry about her ridiculous comments.  Good luck mama.

ave1012

I am a FTM who had this birth envisioned for my DD. I had my birth plan and everything. I had to have emergency c/s under general anesthesia because I was not doing well and was about to crash. I initially felt "robbed" of my experience and could not think about it without crying (hormones did not help either), I knew it was the only way for the sake of myself and daughter.  I was told that I could do VBAC for the next one but I do not think that I will. I think that your friend was completely out of line to talk to you like that. She obviously does not understand the emotional impact having a unplanned c/s has on a person especially when it is the first child because you do have this birth vision in your head. Even if you decided to VBAC there is no guarantee that you would not run into the same issues or other issues that would cause you to have another c/s. I would have asked about people who are induced, most of them will pick a date. Are those people unnatural also? If she cannot respect the fact that decision is not really about the date but about the safety and health of yourself and child then she is just plain dumb.

Disneygeek77

Yeeeeaaahhhhhh,

That would be the last time I talked to that "friend." Yep I would be done with her.  She's a a-hole and I wouldn't waste any time with her.  Spend your time with people who care about you and respect you as a person and as a parent. 

FWIW, my first was an emergency at 32 weeks and I wasn't even in labor.  I just happened to be at the hospital for a non stress test when my baby's heart rate dropped dramatically and I was rushed into the operating room.  For my second pregnancy, my Dr talked to me about a VBAC, told me there were risks to both options and said he would stand by any deicsion I made.  I chose a repeat c-section.  Do you know why ?  Because it was the best decision for me at the time and I don't regret it. 

sinisterkat01

Ridiculous.  It's 39 weeks, not 35 or 27, first off.  And your medical team has reason to recommend it this way.

I am considering a VBAC, but I really bristle at people that start bashing those of us that have had to have, or that have chosen a c/s.

I would probably be forced to do something equally snarky, like question them on how they think it is okay to consider the 0.05% of fetal death or cerebal palsy with a uterine rupture during VBAC?  Especially since she was so rude, and knew your circumstances.  But I'm sure she's have her own numbers ...

sinisterkat01

^Oops, meant 37, not 27.  But either way.

 

MCookie816

Yeah she sounds super fun! I have quite a few naturalist friends IRL and on FB and this reaction is exactly the reason I do not discuss my birthing plans with anyone who's opinion doesn't really matter to me. You along with your trained medical professional have made a decision on the safest way to bring your LO into this world. It's not like you are asking for an induction or c-section at 36 weeks because you are uncomfortable, sheesh! I don't know why so many natural birth supporters get so offended that not everyone has the same birthing experience. At any rate, good luck to you! 

MAprincess

MCookie816:

Yeah she sounds super fun! I have quite a few naturalist friends IRL and on FB and this reaction is exactly the reason I do not discuss my birthing plans with anyone who's opinion doesn't really matter to me. You along with your trained medical professional have made a decision on the safest way to bring your LO into this world. It's not like you are asking for an induction or c-section at 36 weeks because you are uncomfortable, sheesh! I don't know why so many natural birth supporters get so offended that not everyone has the same birthing experience. At any rate, good luck to you! 

I just wanted to add that this isn't just the "natural birth" people who do this.  Some c/s people let me have it the same way when I VBACed.  My SIL actually took it as a personal insult when I chose to VBAC after she had had 4 c/s's.  I never spoke to her about it or ever put her birth plans down.  But she told me that if I really supported her births, I should have the courtesy to follow in her footsteps.  Yeah, don't know about that. . . but anyway, there are sensitive people on both sides of the coin, is all.

acesup

what a B. i would have told her to kiss my a$$. how/when you deliver your baby is btw you and him. people feel the need to express their opinions on us and they dont know all of the factors. i had a woman at my PCP's office (practically a stranger) go off on me for having a scheduled c-section bc of babys size (among other factors like GD and my weight gain) and said "people have been delivering babies naturally for thousands of years - our bodies were built for this". i told her "our bodies are supposed to be built for this - but a thousand years ago me and my baby would have died during childbirth". she shut up. 

tell them they dont get a say in the birth since they werent there when you conceived.... that shut my MIL up too lol

 

Cheerio B

Yeah, I tried to have a VBAC with DS and guess what, my uterus ruptured and I ended up with an emergency CS and a horrible recovery. And any future pregnancies would be so high risk we're afraid to have any more kids. While I'm not sorry I tried the VBAC I don't blame anyone for going the RCS route and avoiding all of that. You're doing what's right for your family.

Also, your 'friend' is a jerk and I'd walk away from that friendship. Life is too short to spend with judgement people who can't see outside of their own little bubble. 

ytterp

Tell your friend to walk into a classroom and point out which children were born vaginally and which were born via c/s. She can't.  Why? Because it doesn't matter!! What matters is that your baby is born healthy.  She sounds like a nasty person who pushes her opinions where they aren't wanted. If she comes to you with a BIG apology, then accept it, otherwise close the book on that relationship. She doesn't respect you. 

JustAhopin

I haven't been there since I just had my first child. If we have another child, I might just say we'll see what happens. When it gets close to the due date, then I might say something like the baby is face up (again). I already know that the hospital I deliver at don't encourage VBAC, or so I heard. But honestly, right now I think I'd rather a scheduled C/S.

It really shouldn't be anyone to judge. I know one of my SILs will. She has already said "Next time please try for VBAC". She had 2 c/s, second one she tried vbac and the baby went breeched. 

BossMamma83

I am so sorry your friend was such a butt.  My first c-section came after a failed indcution.  And my second because my hospital just refuses VBACs.  I am due in May and will be having another c-section.  I get horrible comments all the time from ass's who know absolutely nothing of my past experiences who feel the need to preech the good word of natural child birth.  I would have loved to had a vaginal birth just know what it felt like.  I would have loved a VBAC but with that comes a lot of red tape because of all the complications that doctors and hospitals are terrified of being sued over such as a rupture or severe scar tissue.  People should become more informed before sticking the feet in their mouthes.  It took me along time to get over the fact that I had to have a c-section the 1st time. I felt less than a woman.  But my Mom put my thoughts at ease!  She said "Babe sometimes *** happens and there is nothing you can do but go with the flow. You did everything right but it didn't happen they way you expected, *** happens. Are you going to love that baby any less because it didn't come out your vagina?" Of course I answered No.  She was completely right.  It's not the how the baby gets here it's the fact that it gets here and it's in your arms.  Tell your friend to FO.....