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Parenting
Will you pay for grades?
Apparently 48% of parents pay their kids for good grades, on average an A earns $16.60. WDYT?
(https://www.heraldonline.com/2012/08/22/4205390/aicpa-survey-reveals-what-parents.html)
I'm in Camp Get Good Grades Or You're Grounded. My family never paid for grades, it was just expected. I have a hard time imagining it any other way.
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Re: Will you pay for grades?
I don't like putting emphasis on "grades" as in if you don't get an "A" you suck. That's how I was raised and it resulted in a lot of therapy.
I'm in "work to your potential, whatever that is" camp. Some kids excel in reading but suck in math. That's just the way their brain works. I wouldn't accept DS to fail b/c he's lazy, but if he works hard, does his homework, really tries and all he gets is a "C", I'm not going to punish him. I will be happy that he worked as hard as he could.
I have no idea what I will do, but I don't see what's wrong with incentives to do well. I mean, people get monetary bonuses in their jobs *just* for doing their expected jobs a little bit better than normal, I fail to see how paying for grades is so different.
Labor Buddy to Blowfish11
My grandma gave us $5 per A. It was always exciting when you had a good report card to get a treat, but I didn't strive for the grades because of it.
I will probably not pay for grades, but I would love to "celebrate" a good report card (good based on the effort they're putting in, not necessarily the final grade) by doing something a little special. A family bowling night, dinner, Chuck E Cheese while they're little, etc.
If they get a bad report card because they aren't putting in the work, they will absolutely be grounded until their grades start to come up.
This is my siggy. Love it.
Personally, I don't think I will. IMO, assigning a dollar figure cheapens the accomplishment.
I like PP's idea about celebrating with a family event. I don't think there's anything wrong with a reward, but a quid pro quo seems like it puts the emphasis on the A rather than the hard work and learning.
If we go money, I like BB's idea of putting half it in savings. You can teach financial responsibility at the same time and kill two birds with one stone.
But, I'd really like to do what my parents did. They would give me something that they knew I wanted that was within reason. Like, headphones for my walkman, or a video game, or something. If I had a successful year, then we would do something bigger, like an amusement park or something.
My uncle paid for As. We would bring our report cards and cash in. But not my parents.
I don't think we will either, we'll just expect you do your best.
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I never got paid or punished for my grades. As long as I did my work and tried, my parents were happy. I guess it would have been a different story if I had been failing. They tried everything with my brother and nothing worked.
I guess I would do whatever motivated my kid. I wasn't the most motivated student and I don't think I met my potential, so I would like to be better about that with DD but with reasonable expectations.
It was an unspoken expectation I do well in school and go to University, but at the same time, my Dad offered me $10 for every 1% my average was over 80% in highschool. I don't think I ever made more than $20 because I always had one class that brought me down (damn 69% in gym! GYM!). I really needed a challenge or motivation in grade/high school and I think my dad recognized that, but money wasn't that effective. I took a year off before Uni and found something I loved and my grades in Uni were far higher than they ever were in highschool. Too bad he was done paying me by then lol.
ETA: I don't know if I'll pay for good grades.
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We're a long way off from school years, but at this point, I'm thinking no. I certainly want my son to feel like his hard work is respected and valued, but I don't really see getting good grades as optional, but expected, so I think that would fall under whatever normal allowance he will receive.
I agree that different kids respond to different tactics though, so I reserve the right to change my mind when I actually get there.
Your siggy cracks me up every time!
I got paid for grades. I'm sure H didn't (he thinks I was spoiled growing up (me? spoiled? no way.)
I guess we will cross that bridge when we get there.
I don't know yet. Some kids aren't internally motivated and need a little external motivation. I did not so good in high school, I just wasn't interested. It wasn't until after I had my kids and went back to college that I am now very motivated and an all A student. So I might if one good just doesn't seem interested, but then I will have to do it for both.
My friend has four kids and they are all expected to maintain a B or higher average. If they get all As she treats them to a new movie or game. Her way seems to work without spoiling them.
Ummm, ok. I got paid for my grades and I turned out to be a pretty awesome person (toot! toot!).
It's kind of like when you work really hard at work and get a bonus.
The only other thing I will add is that I think you have to be motivated by yourself to do well in college. If I had gone to college straight out of high school I would have bombed. I had no idea what I wanted to do and even my parents bribing me wouldn't have helped.
Now that I know what my end goal is, I am extremely motivated. The only person I can let down now is myself if I do poorly.
No, I won't pay for good grades.
I will take away privileges if they are getting poor grades as a result of not studying or doing their assignments, though.
ETA: I won't take away school-related extra-curricular activities like arts, music or sports, though. Those provide valuable experiences and skills. It would be along the lines of going out, phone, electronics, etc.
I think this will depend on my kid(s) and how they approach school and respond to incentives. I really think this is something that is personality-based.
My kid(s) will know that school is the #1 priority and that grades are important. There will be rewards for success, whatever that means. I think it's unlikely that we'll have a specific dollar payout for specific grades, but if that's what works, then I don't see a problem with doing what it takes to motivate your kids to focus on education.
My parents always said they would pay us for our grades, but since I always got As with or without external motivation and my sister usually barely squeaked out a couple Bs, they paid her and generally "forgot" to pay me. Haha.
We might. Depends on the level of motivation they need to do their best. I WANT to be opposed to the idea (ie they should be motivated to get good grades without me) buuuut... especially as they get into high school I'm just not willing to let them hurt their chances at a good college/scholarship/etc just for that ideal. Teens don't exactly have foresight as a strong suit.
I think everyone responds to incentives.
Some interesting linkies on the subject:
https://www.freakonomics.com/2012/06/26/bribing-kids-to-try-on-tests/
"With young kids, it is a lot cheaper to bribe them with trinkets like trophies and whoopee cushions, but cash is the only thing that works for the older students."
https://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2012/06/freakonomics-goes-to-school-and-teaches-us-the-right-way-to-bribe-kids/258672/
Atlantic article about the same study. "they learned that rewards provided with a delay -- "we'll get you that check in a month!" -- did very little to improve performance."
This implies that cash rewards when the report cards come actually wouldn't be very incentivizing at all. It probably would only incentivize effort at the very end of the period, and only in the most marginal "I have an 89% and if I can get up to 90% that is an A" kind of way.
I don't think I can make that decission now because I don't know what my kid will be like in grade school, but I do know I won't punish for bad grades. I might punish for laziness, but that is very different than just getting a bad grade.
I was lazy, very capable of getting A's, but never put in the effort. i got bribed with cash and it worked. If my kid is working hard and not getting good grades there is no way I would ever punish him
I think the people on here who say that they will never bribe with cash and that kids should do their "job" and get good grades are being naive. Kids are all different and it is YOUR JOB to do what you need to support them, and if cash works ...
And college is different - it is a choice, not a requirement. I would love my kids to go to college, but I'm not going to require it of them. DH didn't go to college and he makes good money with no student loans.
No. We will celebrate their accomplishments (as a family) and if they are having difficulties do our best to provide them what they need to succeed.
I think the only time I ever had straight A's was 4th grade; I wanted a Cabbage Patch kid and my parents told me if I had straight A's I would be able to have one (which meant standing in line, going to wherever to get it at the time). It was awesome. After that I was always fairly mediocre but that was general dislike of school. I was always grounded and it did nothing to motivate me, and I just got to the point where if I was always grounded no matter what then I was going to have as much fun as I could getting into trouble. It wasn't a winning solution for anyone.
So based on my own experience I would like to have my children pick something special each quarter that they would want. If they worked up to their potential and tried their best--no matter if that was straight A's or C's-they would be able to get that reward. The reward would have to be reasonable--maybe sneakers they wanted, a chance to attend something special, etc. If they didn't try their best then no reward. If they straight up bombed because of total lack of effort, privileges would be taken away (phone/tv/sleepovers/etc) and they would have a chance to earn those back when mid term reports came out.
I also will wait and see what seems to motivate my kids and go from there, nothing is set in stone!
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