Attachment Parenting

If you have an infant + other kids

I don't frequently come to this board but I'd like to steal any advice you ladies have, so TIA.  

I have never been a fan of CIO. With my twins I reluctantly ended up using the Sleep Lady because we would all end up crying together anyway because I was having so many issues getting them to nap. (I'd nurse to sleep then when putting them down they'd cry then I'd have two crying babies and it is hard to comfort two crying babies at once.) I thought that with this LO, being a singleton, I'd be able to avoid any sort of sleep coaching/training whatever you call it, figuring that with just one I'd be able to do more nursing to sleep, not have to tend to another crying baby etc.

But now with two 2 1/2 year olds running around I am struggling. Sometimes LO nurses to sleep and I put him down and all is well. But other times I'll nurse to sleep then put him down and he'll wake up and cry so I'll sit back down and nurse again. I've tried doing the whole drowsy-but-awake deal but he cries the moment I put him in the crib. I try rocking him to sleep but he just wants to nurse. I try to make sure to catch him before he gets overtired but it is so easy to miss the window when I have two other kids who need me to go potty, need lunch, need to be put down for a nap too. 

I guess I want to know, if you have older children that require your attention too, how do you deal with a baby that is hard to get to sleep without resorting to some sort of sleep training? How do you juggle one kid needing his tooshie wiped, one trying to escape out the back door and a baby that won't go to sleep without you sitting in a quiet room nursing (today's scenario)?

 

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Re: If you have an infant + other kids

  • I don't have twins but my two girls are 2 yrs apart.

    I have never done CIO, but I do pat my girls to sleep. I've used the pick-up/put-down and shush-pat methods from the baby whisperer.  Basically you pat baby until drowsy on your shoulder then put in the cot, and pat them to sleep. If they start to wail, you pick them up and soothe them, and so soon as they're calm you pop them back in their cot and keep patting. Repeat as necessary. You don't leave baby to cry on their own.

    This method was really easy with one baby. I had all the time in the world to settle baby in her cot, even if it took 20minutes. It's been challenging with a 2 yr old either needing attention, or rushing in and out of the baby's room.

    Sometimes I've left baby to grizzle in her cot whilst I've helped DD1 go to the toilet, and sometimes I've put DD1 in her room when she's refused to give me the quiet space to get DD2 to sleep.

    Essentially, however, i simply haven't stuck to the "rules" of the system in the same way, and I've rocked DD2 to sleep more often, but largely she sleeps in her cot most of the time, and I can get her to sleep with a couple of minutes of patting, and DD1 has learnt to stay out of baby's room, or be very quiet. Now I can generally say to DD1, "I'm going to pop Jane in bed, I'll be back in a couple of minutes" and she carries on with whatever she was doing. She's learnt that when baby is asleep I am free to really focus on her, and I make sure to give her lots of focused attention when baby is asleep.

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    Elizabeth 5yrs old Jane 3yrs old
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  • I understand where you're coming from. DD also nurses to sleep. I tried doing the whole "eat, play, sleep" thing from the time she was born, in order to avoid this issue, but she just wants to nurse at all times. I think pretty soon here I'm going to try Dr. Jay Gordon's night-weaning method (which is what I used to get my son to stop nursing to sleep). GL!
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  • I rocked and nursed DS2 to sleep, and put him in the crib asleep, and I do remember it taking some time before he'd stay asleep for any length of time. When I was trying to DS2 used to taking naps in his crib, I would let DS1 watch a movie or TV show while I was doing it, so I knew he'd stay out of trouble. 

    We limit TV in our house, but if you time it with quiet time or whatever, but it really helped me. hth

    DS1 - Feb 2008

    DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)

  • I was lucky that my second child was able to be put down sleepy but awake. However, another option is maybe wearing baby in a carrier when you know he's getting tired, let him nurse hands-free to lull him to sleep while you tend to your older children, then move him in his crib once he's fully asleep.
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  • For me, the mei tai has been a lifesaver. When DS was littler he would just nurse to sleep and I could wear him for naps. I never have been able to nurse in a carrier but once he was out I could put him in it no problem. When DD was down for her nap I'd let DS just nurse and nap on the Boppy in my lap. Now, he doesn't really nurse to sleep anymore but if I catch him when he's sleepy, change, nurse, and then put him in the mei tai with a binky, I can walk/sway and he'll go right out. Then I can put him in his crib. He won't really nap on me very well anymore.

    That said, sleep is always a work in progress around here, so I keep trying things until something works. I thought it was hard enough with DD, but with two kids it is insane and totally frustrating at times. Neither of my kids have been easy sleepers.
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  • I put a toddler mattress on the floor and will nurse DS2 to sleep and get up.  It's much easier to move yourself than the baby!  I usually tell DS1 I will be back in a couple of minutes and he is ok playin by himself.  If DS1 needs me or DS2 is having trouble staying asleep, I put DS2 in my RS and then do what I need to do.  DS2 will sleep through almost anything if I am wearing him!  

    It also gets easier once LO has fewer more consistent naps.  DS2 takes 2-3 naps a day now.  When he was your LO's age it was between 3-5 naps.   We bedshare and I think DS2 sleeps more at night than DS1 did just because we are busier and unfortunately he gets naps interrupted a lot more thans DS1 did.

    If you have to do sleep training.  I think the Sleep Lady is pretty gentle so don't beat yourself up!  GL! 

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